SS 14 year, Husband 49 Going on 2
Last year my husband decided he couldn't take the stress anymore and had an affair. This affair was with a paranoid schizophrenia agoraphobic virgin at 43 years old (I know too much information) sorry. He realizes he was just looking to help her but let it go too far. My stepson who lives full time with us has been right there through my pain for the past year that my husband has gone back and forth with her. In April he decided he would try and be her friend and came back to live full time with us. That hasn't worked too well as she doesn't know he is back with me. We are on our second long length of time where she doesn't want anything to do with my husband. I told you all that to get to what my ss is going through. We went on vacation about 3 weeks ago, had a great time, just the three of us. When he came back he started school, which he failed and had to do the 8th grade over. He is very unhappy about that but you know, consequences. Since he started school he has not talked to his dad. He is mad at him because he took his xbox away from him until his grade improve. He is threatening us he wants to go live at his mom. That would be a complete disaster. Both of his older brothers have and neither have even graduated high school! Both have to either get their GED or Adult Ed. My ss tells me he has no respect for him and just a little for me (for staying with his dad). He has been in school now for 3 weeks and missed 4 days. We have already called the truant officer to pick him up to take him to school once. He is refusing to do homework. I don't know what to do. How do I get through to him. From reading everyone's posts to me it seems these video games have really made this next generation dependent on them - unsocial, always alone playing violent games. Help and suggestions are welcome.
If you don't mind me asking
Do you want to stay with your husband or do you stay for your ss? Has your husband let him tell him how he feels about the affair and how it affected him? It sounds like you are i a really tough situation. I was just asking those questions so I knew more to give my opinion
I want to stay with my
I want to stay with my husband and my ss. I love both of them. Jason was very ill when we got him. We actually got custody of 4 children - 2 his biological and 2 were not in 1997. The mother went to jail for drugs. They were 1, 3, 5, and 7. They are now 14, 16, 18, and 20. There is so much more to this story. The two oldest were not my husbands. The oldest was a girl who was given back to her mom after 2 years of fighting to keep custody at the age of 12. The next one left when he was 12. His first son left when he was 13-14. Neither of the two older boys have graduated from high school. They basically were kicked out of her house at 14 and 16. The 16 yr old went to live with her brother and the 14 yr old (my husband's son) went to live with his girlfriend - which we didn't know this until he tried to commit suicide. It was kept from us. I cannot let this one go to his mom's. I hope all of this makes sense.
Oh also, I don't know if my
Oh also, I don't know if my ss has come out and told my husband how he felt about the affair. It is hard to say this is even over (the affair) because he wants to stay friends with her and help her because she is "disabled". She has broke all contact with him and he has agreed not to contact her. This happened in April also and lasted about 2 1/2 months until he called her. They started talking and she broke off all contact again after she realized he was back with me.
wow my heart goes out to you
I think you are a very loving person, and I understand why you don't want your ss to have to go to live with bm. I just worry that you are sacrificing your own feelings and needs . I think dh and ss need therapy badly. This is something your dh needs to step up and handle. whether the three of you go or the two of them repair their relationship first. this is all falling on you and I feel your dh needs to step up and make some couseling appts asap. I am sorry for what you going through.
Thank you
I have gone through a couple of bad weeks, but today I made an appointment for my son to go to a counselor. I took first available and he will be going in next Tuesday. I am really hoping this will help him. I will let you know.