I am new at this, and I need some help.

Here's the brief background: My boyfriend (we'll call him Don) has a 13 year old daughter (we will call her Paris). He had her when he was 17 years old. He and Paris' mom (we will call her Mary) never married and have been broken up for many years. Btw: I am just the "step-girlfriend" and have never dated a man with a child.

Paris has pretty much been raised by Mary and Mary's mom, dad, grandma, and sisters. It's almost as if Paris is Mary's sister. Paris is a great 13 year old. She is very focused in school and is very athletic and a kind kid. Don has been getting Paris one day a week and every other weekend.

Ever since I have been dating Don, we've been uniting both families more and more, and Mary has decided that as Paris will be entering a new school, Paris can be with Don and I more. (I live with Don). We will now have Paris from Sunday through Wednesday. I insisted that Don reach out to Mary and ask for her help to instill some stability and chores for Paris. Mary agreed and will meet with Don soon. We have all agreed that we need to assign chores, tasks, responsiblities to Paris. Since we only had her once a week, it was very hard to be consistent. I have also voiced to Don that Paris needs to learn how to behave more like a lady and help around the house. There are many times where she just expects things and a lot of this stems from the fact that she is catered to at her other home. --At her other home, the get water for her, and put a straw in the cup...nothing wrong with that, but we just don't want this in our home. We want her to be a responsible young adult and would really like her to behave more like a lady. Don & I feel that Paris chooses to act like a child and a lady; and she uses this to manipulate many situations to her advantage. Don (being a man) has a lot of challenges in teaching his daughter to become a lady. Don himself has also been catered by many in his life.

Don asked me to be there with Mary when they discuss this. I feel that this is overstepping my boundaries even though I live with Don. Paris has 2 parents; and they need to agree to set thee goals & expecations. I suggested that Don and Mary meet and can possibly have Don's sister there so she can help bridge the gap. Don's sister is very involved and would be a non-threat. I don't want drama to a "broken" situation that we've been fixing piece by piece. I feel that by having Don's sister there will be a bit more comfortable for Mary.

Am I nuts? How do I instill chores without being too bossy...keep in mind, Paris is not even my step-child. I really have her best interest at heart and I just need to take a stance on this. Is it my job to teach her to be a lady? What if she gets resentful? Remember, at her other house, she's very pampered. Is this Don's job? Am I being too standoffish...Sheesh, it's a lot easier to just not care. Why can't I not care????

PLEASE HELP!!!