Would you fire this child caretaker? Unbiased opinions needed.
After many stressful encounters with my SS's BM my DH and I decided to hire someone to provide transportation for my SS to and from his mother. We have primary custody, BM only see's him 2 weekends a month and that's IF (big IF here) she doesn't flake out last minute. We hired a lady for transportation. She is very nice, but we're fed up with her and after picking up SS last night we are ready to hire someone else, but we may not have warranted reason.
Things that irritate us about our childcare transportation provider:
*She's very outgoing & friendly to the point that it's irritating. It comes off as very fake & overbearing (just like SS' BM when she tries to buy SS's love after refusing to see him). Transportation woman hugs and touches all over DH and I, which really bothers us. Neither of us are comfortable with people that we're not close with touching us.
*Transportation woman looks exactly like a cleaner-cut version of what we picture BM to be in another 20 years. This is not her fault at all and we try not to hold it against her, but we can't help but see the similarities.
*Transportation woman sits her not-so-small rear end on my husband's car hood almost everytime we see her. She does this with her keys in her pocket, which can scratch his car. He's very proud of his car and takes very good care of it. This angers him. To her credit I don't think he's actually told her not to do it, but it's disrespectful and he's irritated by it.
*Last night my DH did have to meet w/BM in order to get her to sign paper work changing the schedule for 2 weekends (1 for BM's benefit and 1 for our benefit). BM thinks we should trust her and did not want to sign anything even though it's ordered by court that all changes must be made in advance by writing. BM and DH got in an argument about why he doesn't trust her. She's literally held a knife to his throat once and made many threats to him. She even had her step dad call to threaten him. After all of this she doesn't understand why he wouldn't trust her. Anyways, transportation woman was asked to come along in order to sign as a witness to the signatures. BM arrived and hugged all over BM & BM's fiance. She even kissed BM's fiance! We don't want her to be rude to BM or BM's fiance, but this is ridiculous! We're not paying her to find a new best friend in psycho BM. It makes us wonder how friendly they are when we're not present.
*BM asked my DH questions. Before my DH could even answer, transportation lady spoke for him. I'm sure she didn't mean to be rude or overbearing, but she was.
Would you fire her? Do we have reason to fire her?
Back Off Woman
Can't you just tell her that you have decided not to have a transportation woman anymore, therefore she is no longer needed unless she is a family friend or someone that will find out you have hired someone else. I'm guessing that there is no employment agreement so there should be no grounds for unfair dismissal.
I have to agree with you about her friendship with BM, I certainly wouldn't like it especially is this woman is supposed to be working for you.
You other option is to actually sit down and talk to her about your concerns.
Obviously you can't mention the similarities to BM, like you said that isn't her fault although that would annoy me well.
You could say to her that you would like things to be be strickly perfessional between all of you as she could be dragged into the middel of a battle she may not want to be in. Make it sound like it's for legal reasons why things can't get to friendly between her and BM as she is working for you guys and BM could use her against you guys.
As for the car issue, DH has just got to tell her to please not lean on his car as it's his pride and joy.
I hope this helps.
Good Luck!
At will employment -just cut her loose, no explaination required
As for the BM holding a knife to DH's throat ......... that would have pretty much ended any need for a a custody CS or visitation order in our case. If SpermDad had tried that with my wife I would have put the steak knife through the top his skull or just shot him (concealed weapons permits are a wonderful thing). The witnesses would certainly recount the facts of the situation accurately since they would have included my wife and I.
Your DH missed a perfect opportunity to permanently solve his and his kids problem.
Best regards,
get rid of her
If she makes you uncomfortable, I would let her go. Find someone else that is less touchy, feely. Where I live we have what is called kid cab. It is run by the local tax service and its for kids only. To and from daycare, to school from daycare, etc. One of my good friends uses the service and likes it very much. The driver is a grandpa type guy who is very nice to the kids. Drop off and pick up should be just that - here you go, see you later.
You had a good idea having someone else to the transporting but the one you have it not the one.
you hired her- you can fire her
And no explanations are necessary. But if you want to give her one, simply tell her, "We feel this arrangement is not working out for our family. Here is your final check. Thank you for your time."
And that should be the end of the discussion. No long, drawn-out explanations are needed or warranted. I used to work in HR for many years and unless she's under a contract (doubtful in this case) you can drop her for ANY REASON you see fit- even if it's just because of an "uneasiness" you get from her (as would I from the stories you related!)
Short, sweet, and to-the-point. Adios, creepy lady!
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
Thanks
Thanks for the reassurance that firing her is not going overboard. I know we can fire her w/o reason, I just hate to be mean.
Rags-As far as taking away BM's visitation rights due to the threats & knife incident, I wish we could. The knife incident was many years ago while BM & DH were still married. It would be BM's word against DH's, but there's no proof. The only possible witness would be BM's brother, who is a whole different crazy person story. She has mental issues that require medication that were mentioned to the attorney, but I don't think they were brought up in court. I encouraged DH to bring up BM's mental issues in the fight for custody, but he didn't want to anger BM because she might actually fight for custody just out of spite if he angers her. Unfortunately the court system is very sexist and normally will give mothers primary custody unless they've actually harmed their child and sometimes even then. He's terrified of loosing his kid to her. DH wants BM to be involved in kids life because he wants his child to grow up to understand who his mother is (even if it's bad) instead of never knowing and questioning it as he gets older. He also doesn't want his child to ever blame him for not having his BM in his life. As far as child support, she pays it, not us since SS lives w/us. The amount she pays is a complete joke.
Smurfy 1 Smile-I wish we had 'kid cab' or something similar here. I checked into it along time ago, but didn't find anything in our area. I found similar services for pets, but not for kids.
Thanks everyone! I'm back to interviewing potential kid transportation people.
Could she be a relative
of BM? How coincidental that they look alike? ok maybe I am paranoid, ack! Yes, get rid of her and just say you can't pay her any more
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin