Help--- off topic but need guidance. Am I out of line?
I had it out with my fiance tonight- I actually stated the following phrase, "Balls, J. Use 'um."
This is what happened. Many of you know he has somewhat of an uncomfortably tight relationship with his ex-bil and family. (The kids come over, call him uncle J- it's weird- they talk about him being married- I leave it alone- it's not meant to be anything.) But- sometimes, a gem like this comes along that makes me want to bang my head against a wall. So we're getting marrie in September 2009. Most of you know that planning a wedding in a major city, (especially on a tight, tight, budget requires some extensive research.) So- bedcause his ex-bil happens to be a DJ, we asked him, "Dude- wanna dj for us?" We didn't mention we wanted a discount, or anything- and he said, OF COURSE I DO! He said he'd love to- because this means 'he can party it up, and play the best music.' All for the precious bill of.... "$500.00" I flipped out. (To my fiance, not to the BIL.) He wants to drink all my booze and then charge me $500.00? Screw that- we'll just go with someone else. -All we need is equipment rental and set-up/take down. I mix music on the side, so we already have all the tunes. (Ps: ex-bil knew this.)
So, I asked ...maybe... if the ex-bil might want to just 'rent us' the equipment. And now? I'm a cheapskate... it's really lovely.
Help. And my fiance of course? Is taking BIL's side. (Yes... drink all our booze and then play the music I PROVIDED for... $500.00.) Here's my firstborn, maybe he'd want that, too.
Stepmom2be..
I'll give you 500.00 big one if he will take my DH's first born... LOL
Sorry, I know you are upset, and your feelings are validated to me. I think that maybe BIL (?) should offer as a wedding gift, if not, $500.00 seems kinda high, shop around and get the best price. If you think of this as a business and you must keep to budget, maybe that would suffice... Or Maybe to keep peace spend it... Is this really worth getting upset about? (yes, in my book, but I am a cheap-skate)
Good luck sweetie.
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
You are not the bad guy or a cheapskate....
When anyone has connections or friends that can do the job that they are looking to get done it only stands to reason that you get the friend discount. For example my brother is a DJ and he said that if and when I get married he will do the DJ'ing for free but that I would have to pay the equipment rental fee. I think that is compleatly fair. Or if someone needed my design services then I would do it for free and only charge them the product fee that I used depending on how much it is. You are not being out of line, in fact I think the BIL is out of line. Because if that is the standard fee to just anyone then to him maybe you are just anyone and your Fiance should be insulted. I would shop around and get prices from other companies and then bring that to your fiance and say that you are only paying X amount for Company X's DJ and they aren't drinking or eating so that added expence is gone.
Although he might say that he is inviting the BIL anyway so he would be eating anyway so why not pay him to do the service as long as he is there instead of giving it to some random guy.
Just know that your thoughts are not unwarented...good luck.
Reality is always controlled by the people who are most insane.
~Dogbert
Note:
(He says the 'standard fee is $1300.00' now.) Which I laughed at.
I'd rather actually give someone else $1000.00 to DJ and not have to worry they're out partying instead of being paid to do a service.
My DJ story (or he is definitely out of line)
I worked for YEARS with a woman who has a DJ business with her H. So of course I asked her first. We only had a minimal dance floor, our reception was only from 7-10, and we were only playing classic romantic songs from Sinatra, Connick, Martin, Bennett, etc.
She acted like we were crazy for not allowing the chicken dance or macarana (sp?) and made comments like "Well what if your guests request them????" And told me it would be at least 500 bucks.
So I called a DJ I did a play with in 1995, who I hadn't seen since then. He said, "OH man! THAT's my golf weekend out of town and I only go once a year. BUT my brother does it too, is a singer like me too, and I can refer you to him if he's available."
I trusted him that his brother would be as good as he was and contacted him.
He did it, including learning the song "More" to sing for us rather than just play it, set up/tear down, plus 3 hour reception...
For 200 bucks because I did a play with his brother 10 years before.
I never expected a discount at all. He was just doing his big brother a favor and did it at the discounted rate his brother would have given me if he was available.
So...
Tell THAT one to your DH!
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra