Am I wrong?

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Hello Everyone,

I had invited my daughter's father to attend our daughter's awards ceremony at her school. My boyfriend picked up my daughter
and brought her to the school for the awards ceremony because, I was working late and wouldn't make it to the beginning of the ceremony..
After the awards ceremony my boyfriend tells me when we arrived
at home. When he was at the school with my daughter, he had arrived early. My daughter's father came on time for the start of the awards ceremony so, my boyfriend said hello to my daughter's father and shook his hand. My boyfriend say's at the time my daughter's father didn't say or do anything. As we left the school my boyfriend say's that my daughter's father said good bye to us but, he shook his hand as if he had something icky on it. I told my boyfriend I didn't even realize he even said, "good-bye because, I was talking with you or that he shook his hand as if he had something icky." I started to explain to my boyfriend that I don't know why he even bothered when he knows that my daughter's father chooses not to like him. My daughter's father has no reason not to like him because, my boyfriend hasn't done anything to him. My boyfriend then proceeded to state that the reason my daughter's father doesn't like him is because, he is with me. I told him its the same way your ex-wife feels about me but, I don't go to the school functions, or the pick up and drop offs and approach her. I keep my distance because, I am not going to force his ex to like me. I told him you can't reason with crazy no matter what and it doesn't make sense. I told my boyfriend that is why I don't even bother anymore with your ex wife. I told him I let your ex make a fool of herself in front of your daughter because, that is how she looks everytime she acts inappropriately. Furthermore, your daughter see's her action and it leaves a bad impression with your daughter.
Don't get me wrong I got to this point because in the past I lost my composure one time with her and I felt really bad because, I said inappropriate words and his daughter saw this happen. I vowed after that situation I would never ever speak to the child's mother no matter what I saw her do or say. I also explained to my boyfriend that he knows my daughter's father has high blood pressure and he had a stroke so, if he isn't annoyed it would be helpful. My boyfriend then stated,"are you telling me I should worry about his health? I told him just be respectful and keep your distance he feels the way he feels because, he wants to and he has no reason to but, it is what it is. Now am I wrong or does anyone understand where I am coming from?

Thank you

Be Thankful

I think it is nice that your boyfriend is so willing to help with your D and also that he extends his niceness to your ex husband. That shows his quality as a person. It take a special person to try to extend a smile or a hand shake to an ex. I think your boyfriend should continue to be friendly. In the end (over time) I think it the ex will come around to his friendly nature. Your boyfriend should not be worried about a health issue of your ex if the ex is upset b/c of the niceness brought from your boyfriend he is only bringing stress upon his own self. People work different ways you do your thing with the ex wife your boyfriend does his way with your ex. People work in differnt ways to achieve really the same outcome. You stay away to keep the peace he is friendly to show he wants peace. Be thankfull you have a special boyfriend in your life.

I'm with you on this one.

As the non-biological parents, our primary concern is the children, and how we treat them. being civil and polite to the X's is all they can hope for or expect. SMs & SFs are not required to forge a friendship with the X's. I think it's better to stick with a level of communication that you and the X are comfortable with. If you force yourself to interact with the BM and it is extremely unnerving for you,(and prolly the BM) then SD or SS will see this, and they too will end up feeling uncomfortable. I just don't think it will do anyone any good in the end. Hey, if everyone gets along good, then so be it. But there is no need to force your selves. In your case, I would say if you and BM don't get along, well, Im inthat boat too. I will be civil and say HI to her if our paths cross, but otherwise I stay out in the car at pickups and drop offs. I would be extremely uncomfy with anything else. If your BF wants to continue to try to form a friendship with your X, then thats his can of worms. Nothing wrong with it, but seems like an uphill battle.

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.-Erma Bombeck:

Noo. you are right!

No.. I dont think your wrong..half of us I think cant even be in the same room with the x.
It takes alot of characther just to be civil let alone all be in the same place at the same time.

Your byfriend would be the better man just to act like he does not exsist when all of you have to attend functions together, and your right..your x prolly wont like anyone your ever with, Most x's are like that anyways.

Just do what you got to and move on, and tell B.F not to take it anymore persoanl then you do..because you know the reasons why they act this way and obviously their mantality level when it comes to these situations

Good luck!

" Life is like a jar or Jalapeno peppers, what you
do today could burn your a*s tomorrow."

Hi,

In regards to the 1st response: Its great my boyfriend wants to be nice and he wants peace. He mainly is thinking about the child in his action but, when you have reached out to someone in previous occassions prior to this one and he continues to express his feelings in some form that is showing he doesn't really care about your intentions why do it. Things are the way they are and you may want to change them but, for change to come both people have to want it not just one and especially if a child/children are involved. The way I look at it my boyfriend is being courteous and respectful towards him by acknowledging his presence but, my X's actions he doesn't like him, he doesn't want to get to know him,and he doesn't want to be his friend on any level.
Response #2: Thank you for response.
Response #3: I am not protecting my X or justifying my X's action. I just feel how many times does someone have to spit at you(not that the X did that to boyfriend) but, everytime the X has a reaction that is what he is doing. The X message to me is clear without any words and I feel my boyfriend should just let it go and move on. Don't force it because, it isn't being valued.
Response #4: Thank you for your response.

Yes

I would have just listened and laughed, especially about the icky part, lol. Should have just given him praise for his adult behavior imo. And I wouldn't have given him that advice, and to boot ex's health problems are his. So who cares, let ex get upset thats on him alone. Plus from now on I wouldn't invite your ex, if your planning on marrying bf. Often we undermine our own future with crap from the past. But so far I'm very impressed with BF!

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Am I wrong?