I cant believe the judge wont listen to your dh's request to NOT have visitation..

I really dont think they should be ordering anything. My dh has "reasonable" visitation.. its much more fluid. We live to far away for him to go see the skids during the week... but at one time he did go and take them out one night a week to the library and dinner. Not possible to do anymore because of the commute and the cost of gas.

One time we wouldn't let sd come because she had a nasty case of head lice. Bm had an absolute FIT about it but at the end of the day there wasn't a thing she could do. She tried really hard to punish us later on by being very inflexible about any change in plans. But this was a one time thing and I'm not sure if you were meaning here and there or just stop taking visitation in general.

The thought of giving up visitation is very tempting to a lot of couples. It is about personal boundaries. Where I live, the judge will not let you "walk away" from your child. Mothers often try to take visitation to make $$ off the SK but in your case-
This BM is causing some very serious things. YOur son is going to need therapy after being asked about sexual things with a younger child. The younger child may also need therapy. You can bet taht what is being said in the other house will be said in front of those kids.

If you want to save what you have with this man and the two of you ahve come to a decision-he can petition the court by sending in his demands and asking for an immediate court date.
Screw the GAL and screw the Judge really, they say it they work for the best of the child-I know this GAL isnt free. Neither is the mediator. You are talking thousands before this is potentially over.
If that is too much then petition tht court. In the petition make sure you put all reasons as to why the visitation needs shortened.
Make it all about the chlidren not about strain bt the two of you or anything like that.
PM me and I will give you the correct format and you can tell me what you are wanting and give further details....I will sort of help you put something together that looks professional and in the correct legal jargon.
Hey, just fyi....we still haven't heard from that mediator. Did you read my post earlier...give me your email on the PM you send and you will pass out after you read these things.
Some people do not know when to stop. When that happens, sometimes the only way to make them stop is by YOU stoppng them. Even if that means walking away. Seriously. Get a hold of me, been thinking of ya.

The boys' mother sees the boys every summer.
One year she didn't come get them as she didn't want to make the drive and couldn't afford the flight and they were too young to send by themselves (which I still refuse to do).
She wanted us to pay. I said to DH that she knows she has to do this every year so she needs to save up the money.
There is nothing in the contract that says DH has to pay for them to see their mother.
At any rate, while it was a beautiful summer for us as a family, she called every single day to complain. Don't care. It was worth it. That is what earplugs are for.
The down side is that the boys missed out on their mother's presence but you know what? She actually puts forth the effort to get the Skids now ...

"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." ~ Abraham Lincoln

My oldest daughter (12) does not come to my house. She causes too many problems. I don't take her to events, I don't give her money, and I don't talk to her on the phone.

To answer your other question. I don't know what the court would say about this because we haven't been back to court. I've heard that giving up custody raises CS but if that were 100% true I'm sure I'd have been back in court months ago.

Good luck with all this, its a weird place to be.

"He that passeth by, and meddleth with strife belonging not to him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears" Proverbs 26:17

DH and I have been married for around seven years. We never had problems getting the skids for visitation until I gave birth to their sister. From then on, BM has thrown up roadblock after roadblock to prevent DH from getting his EOW visitation. (We were stationed five hours away, so EOW was as good as it was ever going to get, anyway.) She would cancel at the last minute, not be there when he's come for the skids, not answer his calls/emails when he would ask to get them, etc. We only ever got them sporadically, at best. Sometimes, he would go months without getting to see them.

When he retired from the military, we had to decide where we were going to go and what kind of civilian job he was going to get. He got several offers, but we decided to take the one farthest away. Not to get away from BM/skids, but because we thought it was the best deal for us financially. DH has since changed jobs again and we have moved even further away from BM/skids. As it now stands, we couldn't them EOW even if BM were agreeable, as we live on the other side of the country now. We could fly them out once a year, but with BM's history of cancelling at the last minute, I'm just not willing to risk two grand of our money on plane tickets only to have her not put them on the plane. We haven't seen the skids in a couple of years now and currently have no plans to see them. I assume DH will fly out alone to attend their HS graduations, starting with the first one next year, but we'll jump off that bridge when we come to it.

We made this decision after years of visitation being withheld by BM, after years of the skids treating DH like dog shit stuck to the bottom of their shoes, after years of drama and hostility from BM. We figured, we're not getting to see the skids, anyway, so why not take the best-paying job with the best benefits and go start living our life for OURSELVES, instead of dancing at the end of BM's string. And that's what we did. We have no regrets. The skids aren't really much involved in our family, anymore. Not like they were in the beginning, when we first got married and before BM started withholding visitation. But as much as DH tries to stay connected to them, they just aren't that interested in reciprocating. It started out being their mother's doing, but they are young adults now and I think they can shoulder some of the blame for the failure of the relationship with their father. We hope that, as adults, DH will be able to re-connect with them and we hope that they will want to be a part of our family, once all the obstacles to that are removed. If it happens, great! If it doesn't, well, then I guess they become just another divorce statistic.

One thing I know is that all relationships take more than just one person working at it to succeed. Whether it's your relationship with your husband, your ex, his ex, your kids, your skids, your parents, your in-laws, your co-workers, whomever, it takes two. And when kids/skids get to a certain age, you can't chalk it up to them being "kids" anymore. At some point, they have to be held accountable for their own part in the success or failure of their relationships. When I was a teenager, everything was my mother's fault. Now that I'm a mother/stepmother with teens, I know that it's a two-way street. I can't influence my skids, but you'd better bet that I'm teaching my children how to hold up their end of the deal when it comes to their relationships. Just had a talk with my BS10 last night about not being lead around by his little girlfriend like a dog on a chain, that both people have to give, as well as take. Sure wish someone had told the skids that...!

♥ Georgia, the un-stepmom ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

BM and SD have been arguing, so they are "punishing" each other by not seeing each other. SD is going there tonight, because it's the only way BM would let her get her stuff SD wanted from there. But they both decided that SD would only go to BM's on Mother's Day for a few hours, not spend the weekend, or even stay over night Sunday (this is BM's weekend.) So I get no break.

I'm wondering if my making her walk all the way up the long drive of the school will turn into me having made her walk five miles through heavy traffic to school (see my post today). I hope SD tries that. Because now that BM and DH had a decent conversation about SD lying and such, DH will be able to point out to BM that SD is trying to spin it for her own good.

I am going to tell DH that this is the last time I want him to allow either to back out. If they can't see each other perhaps we can get an order for them both to go to therapy? Not sure about that, but would be worth the money.

“I never gave away anything without wishing I had kept it; nor kept it without wishing I had given it away.” ~Louise Brooks

She probably has Malicious Mother Syndrome. Yes, there is actually something called that. It is a mental disorder that happens to women who get divorced and then turn evil over dealing with their ex and all that goes along with it. It happens way too often.

Would she go through the effort of taking him back to court and suing him for contempt if he doesn't do visitation?

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)