you will become second, that's just real and so will your husband. The needs of your baby will be first, just like the needs of HIS baby come first now.

Hate is a really strong word and your using it to describe a 2-year-old scares me, frankly.

ALL 2-year-olds are frequently demanding, selfish and very territorial. Yours will be too. If you cannot stand to be around his firstborn, you are kidding yourself if you think this will work long-term. But you are carrying his child and are already in pretty deep. What, other that the child's typical behavior, is it that you hate about her? Does she look like her mother?

It sounds to me like the real problem here is Dad. If she's still up at 10:30 pm at the age of two, well, that wouldn't float at my house. Bedtime is 8 pm for the little one, 9 pm for the middle ones and later for the teenagers. My husband and I have five children together, all ages from 3 to 15 and we've been together for almost six years now. There's NEVER been any time for just the two of us, believe me! When our daughter was two, we would wake up every single morning with her between us, because she would come climb in bed with us in the middle of the night. There are lots of times when we are snuggling together on the couch that she wedges her little self in between us to get her share of the loving. It's cute when it's your own kid, but less cute when it's not. I can certainly understand.

Before you throw in the towel and give up on having a relationship with his child, maybe the two of you should sit down and discuss how you will be raising your children, both the one you have together and the daughter he has now. Agree to everything from bedtimes to how to deal with tantrums to what kind of discipline will be used. No two parents are alike, and it's possible that you and he will have totally different parenting styles. Taking this toddler out of the situation won't guarantee that you won't have the same problem after your child is born. Sometimes you have to play good cop/bad cop with them, where one of you is the chief disciplinarian and the other not so much. Whatever your roles are going to be with your child, try to carry that over to his daughter. It might mean that you end up carrying the larger burden of enforcing the rules, but you might end up being the enforcer with your own child, eventually. It might just be who you are as parents, irrespective of who's child it is.

Also, make provisions for alone time for the two of you. When you have kids, sometimes you get so caught up in caring for them that you almost have to schedule time to just be together. That's normal, whether your kids are steps or bios. And for a child this young, they don't really understand the intricacies of all the various relationships yet. She will likely see you as a maternal figure, because you are with her dad and that's her perception of your role in the home. So be that and parent her just as you would your own 2yo. To get him on board, remind him that parents don't have their lives dictated to them by toddlers, it's the other way around. Parents who let their kids rule the roost are really doing a grave disservice to them. As parents, we have to teach our kids to appreciate authority figures and you can't do that if you're not an authority figure in your own home, can you?

~ Anne ~

How often does his daughter come to visit and how long does she stay?
When I met my husband first, he had his sons over 50 % of the week. Back then I still lived in Germany and just came over for a view weeks. It was difficult for me,because there was not much time just for him and me. He worked during the day and went to school 3 times a week at night. So most of the time I was sitting alone in his house or the kids were over and I watched them while he was at work or school. I felt overwhelmed (sorry for bad spelling) and I was not sure if I can do it. But you have to see, that it is very difficult for the kid. It is up to you to make the first step towards her. When your boyfriend is around, play together games or read stories to her. Go to the park and pay her a lot of attention. When she figgures out, that you don't want to take her dad away and that you are fun, she will open up to you too. But you are the adult, you have to jump over your own shaddow. You can spend so much time with your boyfriend when she is with her mom. It won't get easier with a new baby. Try to straighten out things before baby arrives.
Good luck!

and I promise you it's workable. You have to look at the child's point of view. She's competing for his attention as well, probably for the first time. She has been Daddy's little princess forever, without competition (and believe me if the baby's 2 and he already has a relationship with you, BM was probably never competition for her.)And then you come along. I'm not saying it's any less irritating, I have a 4yo SD who was 2 when her dad and I started getting serious, and I constantly still have to put myself in check with the hateful feelings. (I also have a SS and 2 BD's) and the 4yo (daddy's little girl) is the only one I have this battle with. You are the adult, it is not her fault. You really need to sit down with her dad and like Anne said, discuss a plan for raising your children. You obviously have different parenting styles and you need to come to some kind of agreement before your new baby's born as to what your rules are. It would be very beneficial to both of you to start working some rules with the 2 yo, work as a team, let her see you being a team, because if there's not any structure when the baby comes it will only get worse. Also, if you try to bond with her, it's hard, but every once in awhile I get a tiny step forward with my SD. Maybe you could try letting her help you get things ready for her new baby sibling, or do dishes, or watch you put on your makeup and put some on her, something to keep her off her dad's hip, and allow her to see that your not a threat??? Sorry this is so long, I just wanted to let you know I sympathize, and it's not easy, Good luck.

once your baby is born. I always though I understood and loved children too. I had 5 step sons, and when the youngest was 14 had a baby of my own. Well I will tell you, I now look back and see things I would have certainly done differently with my step sons. You just don't know what being a parent is like until you have a bio. That is my opinion anyway.

I so understand where you're coming from.... I could've written that myself. I don't have any advice because I'm in the same boat, I don't come around on those weekends, I always find something else to do. I know it's bad to say you hate them, but I hate them too... good luck!

I think that you probably aren't only tired of feeling second best when she's around ( and I totally understand my bf has 2 girls and sometimes I feel non-existent when they are around). I think ( and I"m in the same boat pregnant and with a man who has children ) that you might be resentful b/c you feel like your baby should be the main focus and it's not when she's around. I know it's super hard for me because I'm feeling all this excitement for my first born and he is focused on his girls b/c the babies not here yet. Sucks to feel like you and your child by extension come first. But keep a positive attitude because she is only 2 . And still young enough that you and the new baby being in the picture will have to teach her to share daddy before she becomes 7 or 8 and trust me it's way more obnoxious then.