I think men are clueless on most levels. And yes you have absoltely every right to be pissed off, more than pissed. My DH's shit would have been gone. Anyone that thinks it is okay to allow a child to taste alcohol needs some serious insight into being a parent. DOes he have kids of his own? You may recommend to him that he seek help with his drinking. Sounds like he needs to drink everyday. In my wn opinion, that is not what children need. I grew up with an alcoholic father who was sober for many years, but still knowing what one more drink can do. Tomorrow tempers will be calmer, maybe sit down with him and explain how dearly you love him and want a life with him but that cannot include him drinking. Maybe look up some medical facts about alcohol and children and show him in black and white. In the meantime, don;t let this bring you down. You sound like you have been doing a great job with respecting yourself. Keep up the good work. So, sleep it off just as he is. Tomorrow will be better and remember that forgiveness is very difficult to give, but sometimes it takes us being the smarter ones to give it.

My view on this is simple. I have raised my kids...by myself~ I was strict, did NOT let my kids "taste" alcohol & they are just fine. All of them are of drinking age now, & we all go out to dinner & have a few beers/or wine together.
I was married to an alcoholic, that saw me & my boring life as he put it~ as the problem. He "never" had a drinking problme according to him. Me & my kids were always the problem.
My kids are all successful, own their own homes, hold down jobs etc. His son is in & out of jail, didn't finish college, can't hold down a job & has no financial sense.
You tell me what is right or wrong.
Your a--h--- man is NOT worth giving him another chance. Kids are soooo impressionable~ do the right thing Mom, & show them you care about morals & values & get them the hell out of there.
I am now married to a decent man who believes the same way I do. He supports everything I do. We are raising his 2 younger kids from a previous marriage & he backs me 100%. I'm telling you~ it's worth finding a guy who believes the same way you do. I was single for 11 years. It's worth the wait! Dump the drunk...he's NOT worth it!

Lisa, you should know by know that you can't argue with a drunk person. (Or an insane person or a mentally handicapped person or a stupid person, for that matter!) You have to wait and address it the next day when there's no alcohol being consumed. My sister let my son, who was six, I think, taste champagne and I stayed pissed off at her for a really long time. As a mother, I cannot imagine anyone letting a child drink even one drop. But she's not a mother and our grandfather used to let us sneak a sip of beer when we were kids, so she didn't think it was a big deal. Well, she's also a functional alcoholic, like our grandfather was, so naturally she would think that. She's incapable of seeing it, but very capable of rationalizing her behavior. You can't have this kind of showdown when either one or both of you have alcohol on board. It'll just make things worse and things get said and done that no one really means.

Is he doing Relationship Rescue with you? If not, I would make it a condition of him being allowed to stay. If he gets on board and commits to doing the program, then give it time. I don't know where you are in the book and exercises, but let me tell you where we are... I've read the entire book up to the end where you do the Fourteen Days thing and I'm working on completing the exercises in the workbook for Chapters 5-8. I'm waiting on the Fourteen Days thing until DH gets there so we can do that part together. Hubby is slower than me, he's still in the early chapters, but we've already progressed so much that we're sneaking off for quickies in the middle of the day while the kids are playing outside. (I know, TMI.) We talked for three hours the other day about his previous failed marriage and during that talk, I identified many of his fears and came up with an action plan for alleviating them. Since then, he's been able to open up to me emotionally like never before and we are acting - and FEELING! - like we did when we first started dating. It's unbelievably liberating.

You're going to probably get a lot of responses to dump his ass, throw him out, should've done it a long time ago, etc., but if you love each other and truly want to make a go of it, you CAN get to a better place and I think you were starting to see that before you had this setback. Keep doing what you're doing with the program, talk to him from a place of vulnerability rather than from a place of judgment, and urge him to do the work with you. It is slow going, but if you stick with it, the results can be phenomenal. By the time I got into the second section - Chapters 5-8 - I had changed to the point where it didn't matter how far behind DH was in the book, I was inspiring a different kind of behavior in him already. Now that he's catching up, he's inspiring different behavior in me.

Hang in there! And keep doing those projects together. We both enjoy refinishing furniture as a hobby and we've got three projects going right now... an antique Singer sewing machine/table, a 1942 Zenith radio and an old, oak children's desk. We talk so much while we're outside working together. We're also doing the South Beach Diet together, which my Dr. put me on for insulin resistance, and by day six I'd already lost 7 lbs and DH had lost 8 1/2 lbs! I had a hard time getting rid of those last few baby pounds, so that's just been an added benefit to treating the insulin thing.

~ Anne ~

We are the masters of our own fate; the architects of our own destiny.

SS once wrote a letter to his counselor that cited the reasons why he disliked me. Reason #2 was that I got angry and yelled at his dad every time his dad was drunk. Dh read that and has an epiphany. He never realized that his son knew he was drunk. DUH! It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out he has a glass of alcohol in his hand and is acting like an idiot.

You're not wrong. Not in the least. If I had any words of wisdom, I'd share them. As it is, I'm afraid I'll be fighting this battle again myself. My dh doesn't drink often, but when he does, he loses his sense of moderation and how bad it really is in front of the kids.

I am not defending him at all.. Trust me. But alcoholism runs in my family too, my mom can pop open a beer sometimes on weekends by 9 am, and weeknights she drinks too. Especially now that my 'dad' has passed away. But she has always drank. SInce I was little. I am not an alcoholic, my sisters are not either. So just because it runs in the family doesn't mean your kids are going to be alchy's. My granny used to let me take drinks of her beer, and I never thought anything of it. Back in the 80's I think it was pretty common. I can see your anger and frusteration.
But look at it this way- you love this man right? Did he drink when you got with him or is this a new thing? We are not suppose to get with people to change them, are we? Aren't we suppose to love them in spite of there faults? I am just saying, if he is not abusive, which you should also not compare your past relationship with him at all because he is not that person. I can see you being upset, but if he were trying to change you why be with each other. My husband and I are by far not perfect, but I have not tried to change his habits, and vice versa.
Sorry if I seem mean or critical. I just read that and had a different take on things..

Happy

" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..

His action of calling the ex was definitely to get under your skin.
Men ARE asses and immature. Hang in there lady.

calling his ex- that he is wrong. Period..
Happy

" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..

What deep, dark fears does he have - abandonment, maybe? - that would cause him to call an ex when he's done wrong and is being chastized by you? (Not that he didn't deserve an ass-whooping!) What can you do to ease those fears so that he can trust that you won't leave him when he screws up? This could eliminate him running to the ex for comforting. Food for thought!

~ Anne ~

We are the masters of our own fate; the architects of our own destiny.

1. I have alcoholics in my family. I like to drink and know that there were times I was crossing a dangerous line. That was 15 years ago. BF drank at excess at the end of his marriage. One thing I made very clear, is the stupid need to drink in the morning or early afterenoon. Bf did it 3 or 4 times in the year and a half he has been with me. Usually, due to Darkness. To me that is just unacceptable. He has not done it in many months.

2. Drinking & getting stupid if front of the kids. That's a big 'hell no'. Next time he even thinks about that, just pour the shit down the drain, take his keys & the kids and go out for the afternoon.

3. He called who ??!!!. I would have laid into him like a ton of bricks the next morning while he was hung over.

Sorry to hear this happen. Hopefully, this is just an isolated incident.

Hugs & a slap to his head.
Jo.

"Why, if Juan Valdez had our beans, he would have shot his donkey and burned down the mountain." Jessica - Soap

pure and simple. It's called denial.

StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

For someone that doesn't have a "problem", you certainly are angry aren't you?

Let me tell you... trust me. It's called denial. I've been reading your posts, and I am basing 'my assumptions' on posts from the past, and the fact that you two like to openly argue, with rebuttals, it's not my fault attitude. Get a clue and open your eyes. Your significant other is upset, she has a right to be upset, and this 'one time a year' outburst is a true indication of your intent without you even considering her feelings. Pure and simple.

You are sooo damn stubborn that you don't even realize that her last resort with you is to post her personal 'exaggerated' feelings online, because she knows that you will ultimately READ IT! DAH! Stir up a hornet's nest and ruffle your feathers, but it GOT YOUR ATTENTION didn't it. This is the only way she feels that in this situation, this particular case RIGHT NOW, is how she can get your attention... the moment that she wrote this, where were you? Think about that. Where's the communication- it's on a online forum. Her last resort was an online forum, because she felt that passionate about it.

And granted you may not like what some people have said about you, but it's our impression of you, pure and simple. Not a pretty one, is it?

Now, I know for a fact, that the first signs that there is a 'problem', because I worked for a Rehab center, thank you, is denial, denial, denial. People with problems, make great excuses for everything. They will always boost about the fact that they don't have a problem, you want to know who has a problem... so and so does. My so and so is an 'alchy', not me, etc. They redirect the issues all the time, and they do and say things when they are drinking that they wouldn't do sober. They will make lies or excuses at any cause or event for a social event, or it's 'boring'. Granted that one or two drinks 'a day' may not necessarily make you drunk, but it's an excuse to numb ones feeling, even for just a little tiny bit, it's a pattern. Yes, you may feel that you have control of it, but so do alot of other people who don't. And while right now, this very moment, you may be sober, you still have the need to numb yourself, to 'relax' with a beer each day... it's a pattern. It's redirection.

Whether you like it or not, it's causing an issue with your significant other to such a degree that she felt the need to come here, the only place she felt to get your attention, where you would feel some heat, and open your eyes. Think about that. Is that how you want her to come to you? On an online forum?

StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

Where there is smoke, there is fire. Discussing your personal relationship online about each other probably won't get you far. Why not talk with each other instead of about each other. You obviously both have different expectations, goals, etc. for yourselves and for each other. That is a problem unless you sort it out together...or live in misery...your choice. I know what I choose for me.