My First Post
Okay so I found this site a few weeks ago and have been reading a lot of postings and wishing that I had found this years and years ago. Still a little unsure about posting, and really busy, I wanted to post just a general here is my story, but my SD was telling me something on the way home today that was just really disturbing and I don't have anyone to talk to about it.
We were on the way home and she told me that she wanted to paint her nails before she saw her mom again because of what her mom thinks. So naturally I ask, what do you mean, what does she think? Her reply, maybe you wanna sit down. She said "Mom thinks I am a boy in a girl's body." WHAT!!! WOW!!!! What kind of person would say to another, let alone and adult to a child, and then a mother to her child. So instead of flipping out, I asked "Well do you feel that way?" "No, I don't and I hate it when she says that. I know I don't like every girly thing but I don't think I'm a boy, not even close."
Now her mother is not a extremely feminine woman, no make up, no hair style, funky athletic shoes. Part of me wonders if she is emitting some sort of her own discomfort with being a woman. She blames men for her lousy life, and takes it out on her son, quite often.
Well I know ya'll don't know much about my situation yet, but I would be interested to hear what you have to say. Gotta go now. Thanks. I look forward to many more posts
Sounds Like BM has a Body Image Problem
Sounds like BM has a problem with herself. Talking to your SD is the best thing to do. Let her know that there is nothing wrong with being a woman and loving to do womanly things like painting her nails, fixing her hair. My SD has 5 older brothers. She is very much a tom boy. I bought her a basket of hair ties and the little tiny bottles of funky colored nail polish,shampoo, conditioner, and good smelling body sprays for kids. I bought her a purse to keep her stuff SHE LOVED IT!!! You dont have to spend a whole bunch. I got a lot of things from the dollar store.
I am all woman but....
I call myself LOW MAINTENANCE!! I don't get my hair done, I love baggy clothes, I hate lingerie, I don't paint my nails, I love football, I wear jeans most of the time and my footy jersey and baggy shirts are my favourite things!! Yet just on Easter break I had a manicure and a pedicure and my nails and feet look all girly!!
It was nice for a day but I quite happily sit here in an old beer shirt and a pair of sloppy pants writing this to you. My hubby is georgeous looking and I am sure people wonder why he is with me but he always says you cost me less...High maintenance is expensive!! LOL. My point is let her know it's ok to be who she is comfortable with being and who cares what her mum thinks. I agree with you that it is a crappy thing to say to her daughter but it would seem she has you to talk to...lucky for her!! No one has the right to confuse her while she is just growing into a woman and who she wants to be. DH should talk to BM and put a stop to this now.
Catch xx
Me 2
My husband HATES what I wear at night LOL. I HATE LINGERIE. I feel stupid wearing it. I don't have time to paint my nails although I love the way it looks. I am too damn cheap to pay someone to do my toe's. My husband calls me low maintenance too. I do have to dress up to go to work. I only get my hair done once every few months because if I don't I will have an Afro! LOL!
Anyway I think it is all about how you feel about yourself. Children need to know it is ok just to be themselves. My SD is still very much a Tom Boy but I see she loves the girly stuff as well.
Let her be who she wants to be...
I was one of the biggest tom boys when I was little. Now I enjoy having my hair and nails done and even lingerie but most days I am still a jeans and hoodie girl. Why wear heels when I can wear comfy sneakers. My h2b likes it when I dress up nice but also tells me how hot I look in my jeans and hoodie.
Let her be herself and how she is most comfortable. Don't let someone make her something she is not.
Crys
Oh Cruella....
You have made me laugh twice this week!!! AFRO...Hahaha. Not laughing at your afro, just the way you say things. LMFAO!!
Thanks for the continuous smiles!!
Catch xx
The FRO
Comes from dealing with what we have to deal with from the BM! Makes my hair stand up on end LOL!!!!
Cruella...
I also feel "stupid" wearing that stuff. Just the whole idea of parading around in silky lingerie being "eye candy" for any guy annoys me. We accept guys with droopy drawers, bellies that hang over the pants and don't expect them to wear thongs...why should we be uncomfortable for them? However, I love looking good...but for me...not for them. Toes painted...nails not...Hair always done or in a pony, wearing jeans and tees! (Lipstick A Must!)
And, wornout, any mother who tells her child that should be expected to take parenting classes..How horrible. You handled it great.
Totally Agree
I totally agree with you. My ex husband had that beer belly yet wanted me to look like a model. What was up with that? Dont' even get me started on the thongs topic. I am still trying to figure that one out. My poor husband will just have to put up with my Grandma panties
Bigger problems
My husband has taught my beloved little girl (4) how to fart and burp on command. So imagine, if you will, this gorgeous little blue-eyed thing with her tiara on, dangly earrings, necklaces, bracelets, frilly pink tutu, high-heeled dress-up shoes with her finger up her nose and passing gas with the best of them. Meanwhile, my son (9) would positively DIE if anyone ever thought he might have occasion to fart, let alone actually hear him do it. It would be the end of the world.
They are who they are, let 'em be. (At least, when not in public.)
~ Anne ~
Nothing can come of nothing.
(Shakespeare, King Lear)
Too Funny
Yeah my skids have a fixation on burping and farting themselves. It drives me NUTS. I had to get on my SD one day for letting a belch out at a restaraunt that was so loud the place shook. How embarrasing!!!
Thanks
Thanks everybody for your thoughts.
Here is a little more info too. My SD has lived with my for the last 9 years, and from what people say she is a lot like me, of course I see little things but I don't know about a lot. I think that gets on BM's nerves also.
My...character...style..(??)..is at both ends of the spectrum, I grew up in a very male dominated situation, so I like and do a lot of "masculine" activities, such as wood work, ranching and welding, but I am also a woman, and love to look beautiful and so on and so forth, for example my closet is full of shoes, but more than half are boots. LOL, and my SD is very much like that too. She's growing up with livestock around and loves to be around them, but wants to do it in a dress and tights.
So I see no problem with the way my SD is, and I told her that. She is just so consumed with what this maniac (BM) thinks it makes me crazy.
Again, thanks for all the comments.
Incredible
That's all I can say about you. You sound like a wonderful woman, full of love and concern for your kids. (S's or not). I think your doing the right thing by letting her know that you accept and love her just as she is and that you see nothing wrong with it. My question would be for the BM, is she jealous that her daughter takes after you so much that she has to try to undermine her confidence? What a sad little woman that would do that to a child. Love all my kids.
I just read this one
Hey, sorry, I'm still coming out of shock from this weeks events.
Anyway, I have to agree with Cruella on this one. BM is throwing her image on to the poor kid.
You all make me laugh. The dress up lingerie thing. I love it. Don't get me wrong, most nights I wear just a tee shirt & shorts to bed and the guy is turned on by that. But to see BF's face when I 'don' something slinkly. He's like a horny teenager. To me it is so funny. He will actually bounce up and down on the couch like a 5 year old. Men are such idiots.
so glad i'm not alone lol
My man is the same way. I love the look on his face when he walks in and sees something other than a t shirt or better yet when he finds out there is something under the t shirt he is like a child on Christmas morning hahaha
I'm glad too. lol
I was begining to think I was the only one that plays bedroom dress up from time to time. Shit, if I add heels to the slut wear, forget it. lol
Jo u r not alone
don't forget the thigh highs and he goes crazy!
LOL Proud
I just did that for the first time 2 months ago. LOL. Days later he was still talking about them!!
I am medium...
First off... it's BM projecting her own insecurities onto her daughter. Second, it's wonderful that she feels open enough to discuss this with you. Keep that communication open and let her feel comfortable to express how she wants to express herself. If she doesn't want to fuss with the girly stuff, then let her know she doesn't have to, and that by NO MEANS MAKES HER A BOY! That is appalling to me that a MOTHER would say that to her DAUGHTER.
I grew up a Tom boy. I hated dresses and bows in my hair. Now, I don't fuss with my hair, I don't fuss with my nails. I don't wear makeup everyday- only on special occasions or going out, and I do take care of myself. I like to pamper myself with bubble baths, perfume, and the occasional pedicure. I like having my nails done from time to time, but it's not necessary for me to feel like a woman. I feel like a woman simply because I am one.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...