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frustrated-vent-visitation schedule horrible this year

iamlosingit's picture

Submitted by iamlosingit on Fri, 01/19/2018 - 10:20am

Went to the doctor, long story short I am now stuck in a boot until Feb 3rd, my tendons are getting worse and not better. Boss is putting me in another department next week, he seems to think I can pull product by wheeling myself around on a office chair. Not too sure how this is going to work since not all the product is on the bottom shelf. I'm also supposed to get a ziplock bag and fill it with snow every 1/2 hour and ice my foot because we have no freezer available for ice. But I'm not supposed to walk on it. Sure, no problem?? That has not been possible.

Visitation this weekend. Yay. Just went over the calendar and filled out all the visitation days this year and the schedule is f'ked once AGAIN. The month of May he has SS for only 8 days because BM gets Memorial Day weekend for her holiday and of course Mother's Day, both of these fall on Dh regular scheduled weekends. Then June not only do we have him EVERY WEEKEND and two weekdays every.week. but we also have him the entire first week of July and another full week on top of that with only a two day break for the other two weeks.

This only happened two other times and both times BM threw a fit but refused to work together. She called constantly guilt-tripping DH the month of May for not taking him on days he wasn't supposed to, then when we had him for most of June and July she went nuts because she said she "got no time with him"...yet she refuses to swap any days or a weekend to even things out at all, even when DH brought it up in May. This heavy schedule also effects our finances because it means DH can't work any overtime in June/July unless someone watches SS, and he is also having to do all the driving to and from BM so extra gas.

SS birthday falls on DH weekend but its BM turn, so he gets to pick him up at 3p.m on Friday, drop him back off at BM 4p.m. Saturday, pick him back up at 8p.m. on Saturday, then drop him off AGAIN at 5p.m. on Sunday...two drop offs in one weekend then we get to pick him up at 3p.m. on Monday for Monday's regular visitation. I have no idea who thought this schedule was a good idea but I hate it.

If DH pays my portion of the mortgage this month and next month he will have paid me back what he owes me. He technically owes me an extra $800 on top of that but I'm giving up. I've warned him about the incoming summer schedule and told him he has to work more to make sure he can cover the extra food/utility expenses that we are going to incur because of this. If an extra 8 visitation days doubled our electric bill I can't imagine what half the month is going to do. Also Dh job is making him be "on call" for a full week every two months. This might not sound like a big deal but now he's mad at me because I told him I don't know how my work schedule will fluctuate so he better figure something out if his "on call" falls on a heavy visitation week. I think June/July I'm just going to work on my gardening and building my pantry off the breakfast nook in the kitchen. Keep busy, disengage. I know this is what happens when you marry someone with a kid, I guess I was dumb enough to believe that since last years schedule felt more even that this years would too. Please no negative comments, I'm just frustrated in general. As if DH doesn't have enough financial problems lets increase the driving and schedule and food costs and...by all means. CS stays the same, but our costs increase with the extra time. I wish liquor stores delivered wine.

Comments

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Fri, 01/19/2018 - 10:41am

I know we all say stick with the CO and I’m usually the ones who spout that everytime, but this is all way too much. Is there any way y’all can do 7:7 where Mother’s Day falls with BM and switching happens on Sunday to Sunday or Friday to Friday?

iamlosingit's picture

Submitted by iamlosingit on Fri, 01/19/2018 - 10:55am

sadly no, BM will. Not. Switch. if she thinks it is making dh life harder, she likes it. Then she likes to complain when she "has no time". We are damned if we do, damned if we don't. Plus the bus stop is right behind BM house, if we took ss (only for the May visitation) he would be driving him to and from school every day on top of back to our house. Gas expense would be even worse. That might help for June but I know she would never agree to it.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 01/19/2018 - 11:06am

Picking SS up and then taking him home after an hour is ridiculous, that whole schedule sounds ridiculous.

he seems to think I can pull product by wheeling myself around on a office chair.
I'm also supposed to get a ziplock bag and fill it with snow every 1/2 hour and ice my foot.
But I'm not supposed to walk on it.

What kind of bullshit is that? What kind of idiot do you work for?

Honestly, if you are supposed to stay off of it and your tendons were getting worse, a boot is not the answer, they should have put a cast on. I messed up my ankle pretty bad once, and told the doc that I could not stay off of it for 3 whole weeks, like he wanted me to. He put a walking cast on it. I was on my feet everyday at work and it healed fine. That was a long time ago, though, do they still even use casts? Biggrin

I am sorry that you are going through all of this.

iamlosingit's picture

Submitted by iamlosingit on Fri, 01/19/2018 - 11:10am

It's only because ss birthday alternates every year and last year it fell on DH visitation weekend anyway so we were fine. This year it falls on his Saturday/Dh weekend again but it's BM turn for the actual Birthday date, and the CO states that the "holiday schedule overrides the regular parenting time schedule" so he's screwed, he has to abide by the court order and drop off/pick up twice in one weekend.

The office chair idea is my boss, I don't have any crutches just a boot. The dr office affiliated with my company said "seated work ONLY"...thus boss "solved problem" by putting me on a chair with wheels and expecting me to scoot around to pull orders. The foot icing thing, we have no freezer at my work but I'm still expected to ice my foot so the dr literally told me at my second appointment to bring a ziplock bag to work and fill it with snow every 1/2 hour. The workers comp won't cover anything but the dr visits and it has to be the companies dr so of course they arent' going to give me paid leave to heal lol

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 01/19/2018 - 11:38am

Absolutely ridiculous, all of it.

I can't believe they won't even give you crutches. Although, it would still be hard to pull orders on crutches, I'll bet. Best thing I ever did, was to keep the crutches after my foot surgeries, I wish I could lend you a pair!

iamlosingit's picture

Submitted by iamlosingit on Fri, 01/19/2018 - 11:51am

The dr didn't want me on crutches because, and I quote:
"you slipped on ice and injured your foot. If we give you crutches you will slip on those. Crutches in winter are a terrible idea, you are getting a boot. Don't use your foot."
Okaaaay...... Blum 3

iamlosingit's picture

Submitted by iamlosingit on Fri, 01/19/2018 - 2:29pm

Yes.

iamlosingit's picture

Submitted by iamlosingit on Fri, 01/19/2018 - 11:34am

E/O weekend with 2-3 weeknight visitation days and the Holiday schedule. The holiday schedule overrides the regular parenting time schedule. It's the "holiday schedule" that is throwing a huge wrench in things, especially when they alternate holidays and for some freaking reason the holidays all fall on the other parent's time this year. And the 2-3 weeknight are not overnights it's sometimes 3-8:30, 4-8, 3-9 depends on what day it is.

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Fri, 01/19/2018 - 11:15am

YES, please tell us the break down of visitation per the court order.

Next time OP, please add paragraphs. 30 plus sentences was WAY too much to read without a paragraph.

THANKS in advance.

Twix's picture

Submitted by Twix on Fri, 01/19/2018 - 12:13pm

All of that sounds crazy, the only part thats not crazy is the wine, that should totally be delivered.

bananaseedo's picture

Submitted by bananaseedo on Fri, 01/19/2018 - 12:16pm

He can decline his visitation that weekend and just do something for ss's bday the prior/following weekend. I would not do 2 drop-offs/pick-ups on one weekend. Insanity.

iamlosingit's picture

Submitted by iamlosingit on Fri, 01/19/2018 - 2:32pm

DH would never hear the end of it. She would use that against him until death: "Oh..so you don't WANT to be seeing your son on your weekend? Okaaay....." and brainwash ss "Daddy didn't want to see you" etc. She will also say "YOU asked for this...you wanted this..." because he was the one to save up $ for the lawyer to establish his rights therefore any and all visitation problems are because of him.
I wish I was joking. It's like talking to a teenager and BM is older than I am by a few years.

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Fri, 01/19/2018 - 3:55pm

iamlosingit,

This schedule is a mess and bm knows it. But you see it doesn't matter to her because she has maxed out pretty much the child support amount. Check out IF there is a difference if dh had his son sleep over those 3 extra nights during the week. PLUS eow PLUS the holidays,,you didn't mention the summer schedule. I bet that is a dandy.

UPSIDE:
Sounds like your husband has a progressive Judge. I would not be at all surprised IF dh went back into court the Judge would allow 50 50 shared equal custody.

Your lawyer can easily 'argue"..Your honor..my client already has the boy in his care basically walking out his door at 830-9pm at night in his feet PJ 3nights a week. Wouldn't you agree for the child sake to simply brush his teeth, daddy read a goodnight story and go into his own bed. Children DO best in shared equal custody and my client and his son have proven they are there. It would be so much easier for the young boy to just stay put. "TODAY" right NOW, the reasonable change is a logical one, setting THIS family up for success moving forward into the future. ..blahhh blahhh blahhh or what ever they feel would be appropriate. WE are asking for week ON week off, shared equal custody. EVEN/odd years for holidays and extended split summers and exceptions during family emergencies or deaths.

That is the direction dh should consider. BUT of course do not tell bm or she will make sure dh looses his momentum.

iamlosingit's picture

Submitted by iamlosingit on Mon, 01/22/2018 - 10:16am

There isn't really a summer schedule. Here's the breakdown of our July visitation this year: The only thing that changes in summer: extra weekend for fathers day so we have him 3 out of 4 weekends, also we have him for regular visitation the last weekend in June into July with evening drop off on the 1st.
Here's just one example of how our holidays are:
Reg schedule Pick him up again that Monday the 2nd into the evening and dropping off again, then the holiday schedule comes into play.
4pm pick up on July 3rd to evening on July 7. That isn't DH regular weekend. Regular visitation day again on the 9th so another drop off/pick up, then the following weekend is regular fri-sunday, it's a lot of frustration and a lot of time wasted driving back and forth. And this is just the first weeks into July, don't even get me started on the rest.
The judge told DH because BM CAN'T DRIVE(never bothered to get a license when she came here) in order for him to have 50/50 we would have to move within 5 MILES of BM so SS could stay at the same school. Also keep in mind if dh isn't dropping off/picking up at BM place he would be driving even more because the school bus only picks up behind BM house. I doubt the bus driver would be willing to follow the visitation schedule. We can't afford to live in the area BM does, we tried but the closest we could get was 20 minutes away. Judge said it's our fault for not living closer.