OT- step pets again *vent*
DH loves dogs. He raves about how much they add to his life. I have been accommodating to his dog fetish until now. About 6 months ago he adopted a new puppy without asking me (he lives out of state in another house). I have been caring for all 3 dogs myself for the past month and am at the end of my rope. Because it's been snowy and wet, they've torn up my yard. It's all mud and dog poop now. Yesterday they got mud everywhere. Literally everywhere. Floors, walls, cabinets, windows, sofa, doors, short tables. It took me over an hour to clean it. I called my husband in tears, begging him to find the dogs a new home. I don't have the time or the will to spend extra hours every day cleaning up after the dogs. The house is constantly dusty and covered in fur. They have shaken gritty dirt all over everything. I'm not sure if I will ever fully clean it out. My DH's solution was to only let one dog out at a time to go potty and then bring them in before they can play in the mud.
Today I got home from work and let the dogs out one by one for a few minutes. The puppy came in muddy then went downstairs and peed on my bed. She soaked through two comforters, the sheets, two mattress pads and a memory foam topper. I can't anymore with this dog. The other 2 are dirty but obedient and calm. The puppy is constantly pacing and harassing my cats and stealing stuff to chew up. She's at about 200 dollars of damaged goods now.
Just like with skids, I'm the bad guy. I just need to try harder. The puppy just doesn't understand yet, I need to give her a chance. She's so smart, she'll learn. Why am I being such a b*tch?
All I wanted was to go down to my room that I cleaned this morning and relax and read a book in my soft bed with the heated mattress pad.
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Comments
Wait, he lives in another
Wait, he lives in another state?
Why are the dogs with you?
I’m obviously missing something.
Why does your husband live in
Why does your husband live in another state, but his dogs are with you?
Sorry! He usually lives in
Sorry! He usually lives in another state but because he's been traveling off and on for 6 weeks, I agreed to take the dogs. There was no one else. I feel bad but I can't support this part of his life anymore. If he can't care for them and clean up the filth in my home, we can't keep them.
Then you have to tell him
Then you have to tell him that but you can not give away his dogs before he gets home.
Can you put them in a kennel for a week or so until you regain your sanity?
That's what boarding
That's what boarding facilities are for. If he can't afford that then he can't travel. Tell him to come get the dogs in 48 hours or you are rehoming them.
I really disagree with
I really disagree with this.
He’s working, she agreed to take the dogs but then discovered that she couldn’t handle them.
You can not just give away someone’s pets when you can’t handle them after you’ve said you would watch them!
That’s amazingly inconsiderate and selfish!
I took traveling to be for
I took traveling to be for pleasure.
To the OP, how much longer are you supposed to have the dogs?
You may be correct, I don’t
You may be correct, I don’t know if he’s working or just on vacation.
My position is still the same. She said she’d watch the dogs and now has discovered that she can’t handle them. She can not rehome them or give them away. That is just not an option in my mind.
They aren’t a threat to her, they haven’t attacked or bitten her. They are just destructive and dirty. I understand how that can be horrible but no she can not get rid of them!
She can put them in a kennel or try to find someone else to keep them until DH can get them.
If I was away and the person watching my pets said come get them within x amount of time or they’re gone, I’d lose my shite!
And if it was my partner, the person I love and trust the most in this world, well I’d be done!
momof3smof2, this is such a
momof3smof2, this is such a totally heartless solution. dh loves his dogs. (i dont support his getting another dog without consulting his wife though.) wife does not know how to handle dogs.
face it. dogs are like small children. they stay like children their entire lives.
i would say to op to suck it up or leave the marriage.
just as with skids. i never wanted children and marriage to a man with children. i had to suck it up or leave.
giving away a husbands dogs is like dumping very young step children off alone at the bus station when you find you cant handle them.
cruel and heartless. unconscionable.
And who will take care of his
And who will take care of his dogs if I walk away from this marriage? The result will be the same, they will need to be rehomed. The cruel heartless one is my DH who keeps taking on these dogs and has no ability to care for them in a consistent manner. But hey, let's get a divorce, tear the home apart and cost everyone thousands of dollars so my DH can keep collecting dogs from the shelter and raising them to be untrained and out of control.
i would say to op to suck it
i would say to op to suck it up or leave the marriage.
HUH?? You're advising her to divorce over a puppy??? OMG
OP: I'm a bit confused by your husbands statements and his actions. He states that he loves dogs and they bring him so much joy to his life. Yet he pawns said dogs off on someone else for months at a time? Very conflicting and makes no sense.
DH and I have never vacationed together, because we have dogs and horses and would never put them in a kennel (and obviously not an option for horses) so one of us always stays home to take care of animals. DH didn't even go to his own sisters beach wedding in another state. BS8 was in the wedding, so he and I went and DH stayed home and took care of animals.
I'm not sure what the solution is for you. But I'm pretty certain the solution is not divorce.. geesh.
Have you talked to your husband about your frustrations with the puppy?
You can't rehome them if they
You can't rehome them if they are his pets. That said, why is this puppy not crated? If not, go, charge a crate on his ccard and get the pup crate trained. It will make your life mush easier until he's back. If he cries, let him cry-wear ear plugs or put him in the garage. Crating is a must - as soon as he's back from doing his business, in the crate. Only let out when strictly supervised. Are all 3 left alone at your home all day to roam/dirty/get into everything?
She is crated. She's managing
She is crated. She's managing this destruction in the times that I was letting her out to stretch and play a bit. The oldest dog I'll keep, the middle dog I can live with but this trio with the puppy I wasn't consulted about is past my ability. I don't even have the words to describe how filthy 3 large dogs make my home. No matter how much I clean or vacuum there's still a fine layer of dust on everything and wads of fur everywhere. And on top of a job and the kid and the extra cleaning, I have to spend hours on special projects like cleaning mud out of the house or doing 5 loads of laundry to clean the dog pee.
Is there grass in your front
Is there grass in your front yard? It would be a pain, but how about taking them out one at a time on a leash? That way they wouldn't get so dirty. Take them to a groomer and get them brushed and bathed - charge it to DH.
If the pup is crated and only let out for a short period of time, he is probably being destructive because he has so much energy, a tired puppy is a well behave puppy. Hire a dog walker - charge it to DH.
Don't know if you have kids, if so can you pay them to help with the dogs and charge to DH?
op i am sorry to say this but
op i am sorry to say this but you married a man who loves dogs.
just as many of us married men with children.
you can learn to love his dogs as he does or leave the marriage. dont make the dogs suffer because you dont like them.
i recall the days when dh was out of town on business and i was stuck with all of his young children. it was horrible with the messes they made, complaining about the food i made, not cleaning up after themselves (food bowls all over the house, wet towels on bathroom floor, etc), fighting all of the time, being brats, and so on. i had to count to 10 and step up to the plate to parent them.
yes i agreed to take care of his children and i was about to scream. i have no children of my own.
how would it seem to me as his wife to call him up fed up and angry and say "come get your children or i am sending them back on the plane to their mother and they are never coming back!"
your husband loves his dogs. either deal with them or leave the marriage. dont be surprised if he chooses the dogs. any wife who calls a mans love for his dogs a "fetish" does not have compassion. how would it appear if a wife called a mans love for his children a kid "fetish."
as they say "love me, love my dog."
I do not agree with keeping
I do not agree with keeping dogs in a crate all day, it's cruel IMO. I think in your situation I would give your man an ultimatum that either he rehomes the youngest dog or you do. Getting a dog without consulting you is a massive no no. My exH did this once - needless to say I was NOT impressed.
I like dogs, and have a much loved dog myself, but one needs to be willing to put the time and effort into training, exercise, etc, and IMO, no-one who is out at work all day should get a dog anyhow. Get a goldfish.
The youngest dog did not get a good start with you because you were understandably resentful of it = the best thing for it, and you, is if it is found a good home with someone who has the time and inclination to look after it and train it.
I agree that the crating is
I agree that the crating is miserable. It was a last resort and was my DH's idea instead of having to rehome the dog.
To the folks who say I can't handle dogs: I can. The oldest dog, who I trained while DH was out for years, is calm, obedient and can do a few neat tricks. The next one, who I also trained, understands hand signals and can take commands to help round up a cat when they get out the back door. The dogs went to live with my DH because he was lonely living alone and I needed a break from feeling like a bad housekeeper. After they were gone, I deep cleaned my home and it stayed clean with minimal weekly chores.
I was "sold" that this youngest dog is so smart and so sweet and has grown out of the chewing phase. That is why I agreed to house her while DH is traveling. This dog is none of those things other than indescribably sweet. She digs everywhere, even the cat boxes and I have to clean her nose and put lotion on it because it's so caked in dirt and dry. She's food aggressive, chews everything and hasn't learned "sit" or "lay down" in the last 6 weeks. Her persistent inability to show any kind of comprehension lead me for a week to believe she is deaf. When she wants attention she claws at you, despite my firm and consistent positive reinforcement of gently laying her head on someone for pets. My daughter and I both have had welts on our legs and back. Even before she was crated and when the dogs spent hours playing outside, she paces through the house constantly, stealing toys, stealing food, harassing the cats.
I sadly get where your DH is
I sadly get where your DH is coming from... LOL... I'm a dog person. I have two currently (one is technically my DH's, but they're mine, let's be real) and 5 or 6 of the neighbor dogs hang out at the house with me... They see my car and come over. LMAO
The one thing I do find completely UNACCEPTABLE is how he is handling this. You NEVER get a new puppy and then ditch it with someone. EVER. A puppy takes a lot of care and training to turn into a good dog, especially depending on the breed. When my dogs started digging, I stepped up and took the responsibility, filled in the holes, then watched them like a hawk and taught them it wasn't okay to do. They're mostly outside (especially during the day, they sleep with me. lol) but I still housetrained them. Locked them in the front room with me until they knew better, haven't had an accident since like 3 months old. He shouldn't have just ditched the dogs with you. If he wanted them, then he needs to be the one raising them. I get he probably really cares about them and doesn't want to lose them, but if he's not going to be there to take care of them and actually train them, then he shouldn't have them until he's ready to do so. Especially just leaving them with someone who didn't even want it and wasn't told in the first place.
If you do decide to keep them, consider kennel training maybe, and putting gates up so they're confined to the areas of the house you're okay with them being in (I suggest the kitchen in all it's hard-floored glory, lol). I think you have full right to want them in new homes (I probably would too in that situation and I LOVE dogs) but just a thought if you change your mind
One thing I can say about the
One thing I can say about the puppy is that she is phenomenal about going outside to go potty. Until this incident of peeing on my bed, she's been a superstar. If it weren't for the amount of mud she comes back with, I would say she doesn't like to get her paws wet (like the oldest dog) and found the "best" alternative.
Just do what you need to!
Just do what you need to! dogs aren't for everyone, I mean if someone just tried to leave me with a cat I'd probably be ready to toss it to the curb.
Your Dh should understand that he's the one that wanted the dogs, so he kind of has to be willing to train them... ESPECIALLY a new puppy!
I'm sorry the puppy is making such a mess, for being so cute I know they can cause a lot of destruction
Girl, get rid of whatever you
Girl, get rid of whatever you need to. Whether it be dog, person, fish, frog, whatever! I wouldn't care what anybody says. These forums remind me more and more of the crazy, kumbaya boards we don't speak of. Lady do what you need to do. Your husband damn sure does. Smh.
What a gross frame of mind
What a gross frame of mind and view on pets AND marriage all around. THAT is what's disturbing about this board.
YOU need to try harderer!?!
YOU need to try harderer!?!
Harder to find these things a new home maybe.
Of he can't be there to responsible for his pets/his kids that doesn't mean they default to you.
Since you agreed to watch
Since you agreed to watch them while he was out of town... this is temporary. If you can't go on NOW, as you have done.. have someone help to care for one or all of them. In the future, you know that you are not up for taking care of 3 dogs. If he wants dogs, he will have to arrange and pay for a pet sitter or kennel.
I think it might help if you were to confine the dogs to a smaller portion of your home. Like closing off the bedrooms.. perhaps getting baby gates to keep them in the kitchen or something?
^^^You can get some really
^^^You can get some really awesome pet gates!
Swing open so it's easier for you to walk through and not have to step over! (I suggest the kitchen/diving area for the most part... Normally easier to clean up!)
SMDH...People are actually
SMDH...People are actually advising divorce because of this issue. Good grief! lol
Sounds like it worked out. Good deal. If I were you, I would still go every few days and have a good training session with the puppy while he is at your MILs.
^^^^ THIS! Then you know FOR
^^^^
THIS! Then you know FOR SURE when your DH comes back (probably puppy at his feet
) that it'll be better behaved!
I get where your DH is coming
I get where your DH is coming from - but at the same time, it doesn't seem like he's putting in the work required to train the puppy, and you're the one having to be stuck watching them.
Since you've agreed to watch them for now, I say bite the bullet and leave it - but DO feel free to give your DH a bill for whatever needs to be replaced or fixed due to the pup's bad behavior.
Next time he travels, tell him that you're sorry, but due to the puppy's behavior it's just not feasible for you to watch it while he's away, and that until the dog has been proven to be much better behaved, he'll need to find alternate arrangements.
People who travel a lot should consider that when they get a pet who needs daily attention.