All kids are hyper around the holidays. All kids will test their parents on bed time and rules. The know it all attitude is also normal for a boy his age. This is all very common and not the inlaws' fault.

He needs consistent consequences. Arguing with an adult = 15 minute earlier bedtime. Do it again? 30 minutes earlier. Keep it up and you'll be in bed before dinner! Each and every time. It may take some time, but you have to be consistent. You and DH should sit down and agree to consequences for specific bad behaviors and stick to them. No caving. No changes. Never let them see you waiver!

Typical behavior for a kid who is off his schedule and getting more attention then normal.

Sounds fairly typical. A couple tips:

1.) Give him one chance, then punish. You know when he is starting to back talk. The minute he does, tell him to stop. When you tell him no game once, tell him no more discussion. He asks or back talks again, punish. He's trying to wear you down so he'll get what he wants.

2.) Get him some exercise. If he is that bouncy 30 minutes before bed, then get him to play more. Have him run around, do jumping jacks, anything physical to release that energy. Do that an hour before bed, then 30 minutes before should be "quiet time" in his room reading with a soft light. Get his brain and body to wind down.

3.) When he starts acting up in public, leave. If he can't behave when buying shoes, then you can sit with him in the car in silence while his dad buys whatever he wants for him. When he gets home, he loses whatever privilege he would have had when he got home.

Yelling at home only gives him attention. Sending him to his room.and not checking on him the first time shuts that down. Taking him out of the store and sitting in silence in the car means he loses his audience. He is used to being fawned over, so stop doing that. He gets one chance to correct himself, and then he's done.

We went through this with SS around that age. A simple, stern statement would stop him in his tracks: SS, this is not a debate. That's it.

I don't known when the last time I had to say that was.

You need to find his grumpy 9 year old language. Different things for different kids... Your SS sounds kind of like he just wants to push buttons... One of the kids I nannied used to do that... It made me livid...

I found with him just stern no choice options, ignore his little "you're wrong" outbursts. I would inform him once, maybe. Or I'd just play the "is that so?" game and then continue on with what I was doing.

HIs language was losing video game privileges. So find something that works with him. If he keeps asking just send him to his room.

A kid is going to rough house some, I still rough house with my dogs... You just have to decide your limits and some Very strong consequences if he tries to cross those. Less talking, more action.

My DS is eleventeen. Here are my coping mechanisms.

1. I do not participate in every argument I’m invited to.

2. I ask him why he’s choosing to be argumentative. And then back to #1.

3. Arguments in stores earn a one way ticket back to the car and home without buying item we were there for. No return until he agrees not to argue. And then back to #1.

Normal.

I "trained" my kids much like I "trained" any dog I ever had.

Clear expectation of acceptable and unacceptable behavior, clear exception of consequences for failing to obey, and clear expectation that consequences WILL be implemented.

Swiftly, Efficiently, and most importantly, Consistently.