Need advice to give good advice...
This one is for my friend. She’s with her fiancé 7 years and have two kids. Many don’t really like her fiancé due to things he has done to her in the past but she forgave him and went on to have two kids. He proposed when she got pregnant with ds1 3 years ago. She thinks deep down fiancé would have broken up with her if she hadn’t gotten pregnant. She really wanted to get married when she got pregnant with number 2. He keeps putting off the wedding saying he wants a big wedding because he had a hard childhood which he did. But they can’t afford it. She’s getting older and trying to buy a house so thinks a wedding will never happen. That’s issue number 1. He also is dragging his heels with buying a house although it could be said he just hasn’t found anything he likes yet. He’s good and is paying all of the rent and bills while she is at home with the kids for the next year. Her job is there to go back to.
That’s a little background. He works late hours so she essentially does everything with the kids. Her toddler is going through a really naughty phase, probably because he’s nit around other kids. Hitting the baby, refusing to eat, throwing stuff etc. anyway she told me the other night that she put toddler down to bed because his behaviour had escalated. No story, just straight down. Fiancé came home about 15 mins later and despite friend telling oh not what had happened she heard him on the monitor in kissing and hugging baby. This upset her as she obviously hates giving out to the toddler. She said this to fiancé who told her to “duck off, she’d had a bad day, he didn’t care etc”. He was actually the one who’d had a bad day in work.
She apparently retaliated and said she asked what his problem was and he threw a coffee mug in her direction. Not at her but near her. He said fuck off, thought you were gone or something to that effect.
He has moved into the spare room. That was 3 nights ago. He’s passive aggressive ignores her and just talks to the kids - same thing that friend had problems with when he pulled that strategy with step kids before her own fame along. She is passive aggressive too now and is only talking really when the kids are around. She said it’s not too bad because he didn’t hit her with it, thinks it was more out of frustration but I still feel it’s a violent act....
I don’t think she will leave him and I’m not sure she should - I’ve seen first hand how much he loves her kids but I do wonder if he loves her 
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Also meant to add friend
Also meant to add friend lives a few hours away and has no close friends so when her oh doesn’t talk to her he knows she doesn’t speak with anyone at all apart from the kids and when I or her dad calls her. She usually only tells me good stuff about him because she knows I haven’t liked the ways he treated her in the past so was a little shocked she opended up today she must be feeling pretty lonely after 3 days of stonewalling. He also went out drinking last night whereas she’s stick home with the babies. Apparently it was a work thing but he hadn’t put it on their calendar... she’s upset cause he’s out tomorrow at his Christmas party and she’s alone again. I feel so sorry for her.
She procreated with an ahole
She procreated with an ahole who doesn’t want to marry her. Not a good choice. Not a good future.
Why do some women make such stupid decisions and then wonder why they have such effed up lives?
I spent 11 years with a
I spent 11 years with a fiancé, but I couldn’t get a ring until he could afford the one he wanted to get me and we couldn’t let his family know and he had a list as long as his arm of things that came first before we could consider a wedding. Never happened, shocker. Throwing a mug in her general direction is domestic violence. She needs to cut her losses and move on. Find a good lawyer and get what she needs to raise these children.
Well, I think I would tell
Well, I think I would tell this "friend" that this is no way to live life. and now it's reverting to tossing thing. Sure this time it was just 'near' , next time it may be smack on.
Sleeping in separate rooms, never spending time together, false promises of buying a house and getting married always followed by excuse a to why it can't be now.
Seven years of this already? What in the world would make one think this is going to get any better when it's obvious it' getting worse? Slowly, year by year. Yeah, I risk the 'advice patrol' jumping on me for not giving you advice of trying to work it out *roll eye*.... but I've read enough of your previous posting that I believe this advice is not for your "friend".
I think your "friend" needs to do some deep reflecting of her life so far. Where does she picture her life in this relationship being a year from now? Five years? Being barely in your thirties is not "getting older", nor should one ever settle. What' the sense of being in the relationship if it bring no good times and happiness along with a sense of wellbeing. Yes, every relationship has moments of ups and downs and it's hard work to make a relationship successful, but one also needs to know when and if it's time to call it a day and move on.
Some advice I think more
Some advice I think more people should follow (wish my DH had...) A child will NEVER make a marriage. just because you gave birth to the Spawn of Satan doesn't mean that Satan is going to be a good spouse...
I think a lot of us are second wives in the first place because of the spawn being born and our DH thinking he needed to do the "right" thing and marry the devil...
So it's her choice, but I think she needs to take the kids COMPLETELY out of the equation when deciding if she wants to actually marry this man or not.
1. throwing a coffee mug and
1. throwing a coffee mug and cursing her out IS abuse
2. if someone really wants to get married, they get married. This guy is dragging his feet because he doesn't really want to marry her.
3. she needs to get back to work ASAP and come up with an exit plan. She sounds like she's in denial about the seriousness of this.
And on a personal side note, if someone had thrown something at me they better have hoped to god it hit me and knocked me out. Because if it hadn't I would have grabbed the broken shards and shoved it up their a$$. I refuse to be bullied, threatened, or my safety minimalized because someone had a "bad day". Nope. She needs to run.
This guy doesn't want to
This guy doesn't want to marry her. He's staying with her out of 'obligation' to the kids and because she's convenient. She needs to get out ASAP.
Throwing a coffee mug? Cursing her out? This is just the beginning.
What will she do if he throws something and hits one of the kids?
What will she do if he hits her? Hits one of the kids??
It's only a matter of time before it escalates.