Pre-holiday hell
Help! My family is in from out of town and my two step daughters were at our house last night and I
am getting the house ready to host Thanksgiving. I asked them to clean their rooms last night and bring
down their laundry this morning before they left for school. They are both in high school. I got out of the shower
just as they were pulling down the driveway and you guessed it. NEITHER of them cleaned or did their laundry.
So I text them both and asked them why they ignored what I asked? The 17 year old text me back and said she would come by after school and clean it and she was sorry. Fine, right?? Except my Dad is staying with us from
out of town and overheard her telling her Dad that coming back to our house on a non scheduled day was a big
inconvenience and was cutting into her free time. My husband apologized to her! I am furious and appalled! I have been married for 7 years and have known the children for 10 years. They do very little at my house because they have a maid at their bio mom’s house. Help! I want to say something because I am enraged and embarrassed that my Dad heard that. What should I do? :?
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Comments
Clean their room, with big
Clean their room, with big black garbage bags!
Dump everything in the garage and they can deal with it when it's convenient for them.
Oh and don't be embarrassed! It's your DH who should be embarrassed. He's the one with crappy kids.
This... Simply clean the
This...
Simply clean the room, everything in black bags, even the used bedding, do new bedding and remove it once your guests leave again, they can put back their dirty bedding or sleep on the mattress...
SAy nothing to any one, never call them again to ask them why they did not do something, if they complain on their next visit about their rooms, say nothing, smile and say I did ask you, you ignored it, I'm not the maid and walk away.
This you do each and every time they are there, the rule is clean your rooms when you leave, or I will, you do not do their laundry for them, DH is welcome to do it if he wants to, or it will be in black bags for them to deal with once they return
welcome to the world of the
welcome to the world of the guilty daddy syndrome. and it does no end with childhood. it extends into adulthood and gets more expensive.
its called self castration.
Freshface, I'm sorry, I don't
Freshface, I'm sorry, I don't have much advice for you, (I think you should do what Acratopotes said) but you have all my sympathy.
It's when I read posts like these, that I'm so glad I still have my own place. My SO has to deal with pretty much the same from his DD17.
Even though your SD17 has a maid at her Mom's place, she should still learn to do her own laundry when she's at your place. When she moves out, she won't have a maid, will she?
It's really not your job to wash her clothes.
I would guess this isn't the
I would guess this isn't the first time this has happened. The embarrassment factor is that your Dad overheard the exchange this time and witnessed what is a normal event. How many other times have the girls gotten away with this kind of behaviour? Disregarding a request? Your husband pandering to that disregard? Unacceptable.
If they were to clean their rooms the previous night, why was it not checked on? Why was the laundry not brought down in the same cleaning exercise? Why is Dadddeeee allowing the girls to show you blatant disregard? Things need to change and it needs to start with consequences for defiance with the girls. Dadddeeee is going to have to man up and parent his girls. He needs a reality check on who is in charge of things in the house: I assume it is you, although from the looks of things the girls are. You get what you allow - with your husband and the girls.
You’re not from a broken home
You’re not from a broken home but if you were then you’d know DH is not taking responsibility for teenagers who are soon to be women. They will not understand men and fail because of your DH. Let him know the girls are naive and apologise to him (sarcasm) for having not realised it sooner his girls are about to face the world lacking in all human ability to create happy families of their own. They were both given the opportunity to participate in family life but show no willingness to learn. You’re not to text them anymore DH is their point of communication. Re-set your mind, because you said “ my house” you take on the burden of a house that is just functional to DH and skids if it’s “our home” DH is a partnership based on love and respect therefore taking his fair share in all the responsibility.
I feel your pain and I'm
I feel your pain and I'm going to do just what others have said for you to do.
I have been in skids lives for 12.5 years. In 2010, CPS took kids and they moved in with us. While the boys are aged out, SD lived with us full time for 7 years. She went to BMs after school ended in May and hasn't been back to stay permanently.
I cleaned SDs room this summer bc she left rotting food. BM didn't have a car for about a month in Sept-Oct and SD stayed with us more. Her room looks like a Sh!t hole now. I texted her and said since she was off school for this week, to stop up and get her stuff to take to BMs and clean it up.
I won't text or ask again, asking DSO is worthless. Next week, I will start cleaning her room a little bit every day I'm off work. I will wash clothes that look dirty and pack in boxes for her to look thru and take or I will donate them. If she doesn't come get stuff out, then it will be packed away and she can look for what she wants in the boxes.