Bye

I am leaving DH.

Actively looking for an apartment, my parents are looking for me as well, and will begin packing tonight. Will deal with the legal aspect once I am out.

He is back on drugs (although he vehemently denies it). He "hates me" and "can't wait for me to be gone." He has slept through most of his week long visit with the skids, leaving me to care for them. I tried to contact BM several times, no answer from her.

When he isn't sleeping he is taking rides "to the store" or just disappearing for a few hours. He can deny all he wants but he is clearly using drugs.

SS told me he hates me, but SD is devastated I am leaving. My heart breaks for them and my heart breaks for myself for wasting all the years I wasted on him.

I am in my early 30's so hopefully there is happiness out there for me somewhere at some point. A little scared to be alone but I will be so much happier without that evil, vile man.

I am no longer a stepmom so after this post I probably will bid this website farewell. Thank you all for your support.

AJanie's blog
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AJanie, so sad for all that

AJanie, so sad for all that you have been through :(....but so glad that you are changing what is hurting you. Please remember that this is a healing process and take your time working through it. Big ((((hugs)))) to you

Big hugs back to you. Thank

Big hugs back to you. Thank you.

Good for you. So happy for

Good for you. So happy for you but don't leave us. Come and share and it might help others who stuck in messy situations. Hugs

Maybe I will. Once I am gone

Maybe I will. Once I am gone from this nightmare I might need support in healing.

don't forget, there are many

don't forget, there are many here who have done what you are about to do...

Your perspective is always welcome, regardless of your step status...

Who knows, you could steer someone away from the horrible road you have been down??

It makes me feel better to

It makes me feel better to know I am not alone and people here have experience similar pain.

AJ, you will be just

AJ, you will be just fine.

There are plenty of great men out there. Sometimes you have to wsde through the weeds before you find them, but they are out there.LOL

Maybe one day I will meet a

Maybe one day I will meet a nice one.

There is definitely happiness

There is definitely happiness out there for you.

You will be fine on your own. In many ways you have been on your own, anyway.

Many hugs, AJanie.

hugs to you, hereiam

Being alone is 1,000 times a

Being alone is 1,000 times a better feeling than being with someone and feeling lonely.

Ajanie, While ending a

Ajanie,

While ending a relationship is almost never a happy time, I think you are making a wise move to remove yourself from a toxic situation. I know it won't all be easy, but he is not going to be able to be the person you need for him to be.

I would also like to see you stay on the site to not only use the support from us but to offer support and the perspective from someone who was smart and strong enough to get herself out of a bad situation.

I think you can give a different perspective because while some relationships are salvageable, some are just not and you can attest that getting out is possible and that in the end, you will be happier.

Big hugs to you for doing the right thing for yourself. I know it's hard on his kids, but, ultimately, their happiness is not something you can fix.

You have always been a source

You have always been a source of great advice, ESMOD. It took me a long time to get here, but I am never looking back.

I will consider sticking around if I could be of any help to anyone with an abusive person or a drug user.

Good for you. I think

Good for you. I think sticking around is great.. also hopefully will give you some mental fortitude if you feel your resolve wavering.

I would also suggest really trying to get to know yourself. Do things that you love and be the person you want to be.

Remember that if we keep doing what we have always done... we will keep getting what we always got!

Sometimes we have to change our "type" to someone that is really a better fit. The hot flash in the pan crushes... the bad boys.. the lost boys.. all have their appeal and draw us in because we can fix them.. or they are exciting, but in the end, we need someone who compliments us and improves us.

I appreciate you a lot

I appreciate you a lot Ajanie! As a SM to SS17 drug user and in general on this forum. Glad you're moving forward, very proud of you.

Good for you. Substance abuse

Good for you. Substance abuse is never fun to watch and it destroys trust.

Good luck! You are strong and

Good luck! You are strong and brave for making this tough decision.

AJ, there is happiness out

AJ, there is happiness out there for you and you have started the journey to it. I'm sorry things worked out this way but I am glad you are not tolerating anymore.

Best wishes for the future.

Best wishes for the future. You did the right thing. Take care and be happy

Good luck to you, AJ. Keep in

Good luck to you, AJ.

Keep in mind, you can't meet Mr Right when you are laying in bed with Mr Wrong.

Think about it- If you met your dreamiest dream man right now.... would he want to be with you? Probably not. So go be the person that dream man is hoping he will meet one day.

Only thing killing me is I

Only thing killing me is I have to rehome one of my dogs. I refuse to leave him with a drug addict.

Is it possible for you to

Is it possible for you to maybe find a foster situation until you find a place where you could take him?

I work too much and won't be

I work too much and won't be able to rent with 2 dogs, especially him being a doberman. My aunt might know someone in her neighborhood that will take him and I will be allowed to visit. This is destroying me!

Don't know where you're

Don't know where you're located but if the aunt's neighbor situation doesn't pan out there is a very strong doberman rescue in MI that could likely point you in the right direction.
My heart dog was a dobie so I have a soft spot for them.
As for the rest of it, one step at a time. Get those boundaries up and cling to them when you're not sure what to do. It may feel strange, eventually it will feel empowering and you'll have the strength for the next step. Don't be afraid or ashamed to contact local resources for addicts, abuse, etc. You'd be amazed at how helpful a little knowledge and encouragement can be.
Best of luck to you!

Remember too, no looking back

Remember too, no looking back ajanie.

Be well and enjoy your first deep breath of freedom. It's going to be better than ok.

If your able block him from calling you too.

BEST WISHES

just blocked him and his

just blocked him and his entire family. Also his close friends. No looking back.

<3

I agree with other posters to

I agree with other posters to not just leave this site once you are no longer a SM...we no longer has contact with my SD, but the continued support I find here is helpful even in day to day aspects.

I know you have been coming to this realization for quiet some time and I want to say congratulations on finally being strong and stable enough to take the next step.

I hope you consider counseling either in the future or now because it really can help especially after the divorce is final. I know for me when I divorced my ex I went through different stages and during the process I actually started to miss him and want him back (he was physically abusive). Counseling was the best thing for me because it gave me the clarity I had a hard time seeing when my emotions were running the show.

I'm so sorry this is

I'm so sorry this is happening in your life. This is so hard to bear and it is so abusive. I've come back to ST despite no longer being a step parent. There IS light on the other side. It's going to take some time to get there but soon you will be bearing your own burdens, no someone else's. Soon you will be out from under that crushing weight of never ending pointless struggle and you can focus on healing yourself.

I'm also so happy for you to see you break free from this and choose to live your life. That takes a lot of courage.

You tried very, very hard.

You tried very, very hard. You are right to take care of your life and heart. All best wishes.

Hugs to you, you deserve so

Hugs to you, you deserve so much better.

I hope you stick around!

Any advice on how to deal

Any advice on how to deal with his blackmail regarding posting videos of me arguing with him (crying, etc).

Show his blackmail to your

Show his blackmail to your lawyer or call local police and ask for suggestions re blackmailing.

This. And don't communicate

This. And don't communicate with him about anything without a paper trail. Text or email everything. The less you say that can't (or can, apparently) be recorded, the better.

He's using these to blackmail

He's using these to blackmail you over what?

Unless he has something that

Unless he has something that is of you doing something patently illegal, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Him having pictures or video of you being upset may be somewhat embarrassing but in context knowing that you were dealing with an addict and were at your wit's end... you can be sure that most people that matter and know you will be more appalled by his posting something like that vs being judgemental of you.

I would also hazard a guess that you have more knowledge of things about him that would be useful to law enforcement, insurance companies and his ex.

But, contacting police if you want to lay some groundwork may be useful and also be very careful of how you speak or communicate with him going forward.

This is not strong blackmail.

This is not strong blackmail. Consult a lawyer regarding your rights over him recording you without your consent as the law varies here. If he was following you around and recording the process of him throwing you out (You in tears and packing a bag while he tells you to get out) there is only one person who will look bad should he "expose" this: Him.

100% him. No one in their right mind will watch that video and think that HE was the victim. Still. Lawyer up and make sure your lawyer understand that this is something your ex husband is trying to hold over your head.

Blast your music loud as you

Blast your music loud as you drive off into that big, beautiful sunrise ahead of you. It's tough leaving, and there will be days that you think you have made the wrong choice. Just remember, though, that on the other side of that doubt is a wonderful life that YOU choose.

Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself time to feel all the feelings. Love yourself. You got this.

Janie, I am sorry but you are

Janie, I am sorry but you are making the best choice for you.

Don't worry about getting back out there. I started over when my DH passed away and I was 43. You will definitely find happiness, its not too late.

AJ, I'm so happy you are

AJ, I'm so happy you are getting out of this toxic relationship. You have gone above and beyond for this 'man' and done far more for him than he deserves. It's time to love yourself.

I lived with a man who was addicted to coke and also an alcoholic. I did everything I could to help him with his coke addiction and he successfully overcame it. But the alcohol? It destroyed our relationship. I had lost part of myself and wasn't even sure who I was any more, so I decided to try new things to find out what the new Aniki found interesting.

Find something you've always wanted to do and DO IT. Take up a new hobby. Go zip-lining. Check out some stock car races or bull-riding. Go to the ballet. Treat yourself to a getaway weekend where you are pampered. Take a class. Find a new, stronger AJanie. xoxoxo

(((((((hugs)))))))

Tell him that you'll take his

Tell him that you'll take his phone and post the damn videos yourself, just to show the world exactly what kind of spineless, vindictive asshat he is. Seriously what kind of poor excuse of a man does that?!?!?!

I guarantee that that kind of behavior will reel the ladies right in for him. NOT. Unless of course they are of the Lot Lizard caliber.

When all else fails AJ, hold your head high and never give the bastard the satisfaction of seeing you flinch.

I forgot for a minute that

I forgot for a minute that sue2 isn't here anymore. Was looking for sue's post on this thread. She was my biggest supporter along with others on here when I left my ex stephell.

Do you have proof that he

Do you have proof that he does drugs? Is there a chance he has them in his possession in
a car if at home? I am wondering if you could maybe call police on him re drug possession

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