OT - Explaining to DD why skids have a different mom?
DD is almost 2, and doesn't understand yet, but I imagine as she gets older she'll start to ask questions as to why the skids leave every other weekend, and why they have a different mom.
So what is your advice/experience on explaining to a very young child that basically DH was married before to BM but it didn't work out, all the while not making her question or worry about my and DH's marriage?
- ksmom14's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I honestly don't think you
I honestly don't think you need to. I have 2 BM's, and 2 skids and DH and I have BS7. I have never had to explain to him why skids don't live with us.. I can't ever remember him even asking.. other than one time I said something about SD20's "mom" and BS7 said "What mom???" (which was rather funny since she is a true POS) and I just said, SD has a mom and she lives somewhere else and that was the end of it.
He gets that they have other mom's. Not sure that he 100% "gets it" but I also don't really think he cares?
This!
This!
Guess I didn't even consider
Guess I didn't even consider this! I just assumed she'd ask questions about it...but maybe since it's just the way life is and has been it will be normal for her and she won't need to question it at all...
Yep, both my DSs (now 16 and
Yep, both my DSs (now 16 and 10) asked at some point about who SSs lived with. My youngest for the longest time wanted to be able to go inside and look around BM's house. ha ha ha. We just told them that the SSs lived with their mom (and her DH#2 and their DD), and my bios never really pushed it. They also both asked at some point, "who is SSs' dad?" and "who is SSs' mom," I think trying to get it squared away in their minds. We just answered their questions simply. Eventually, they "got it" and didn't need to ask anything else.
Why would you try to explain
Why would you try to explain a failed marriage to a toddler :?
I seriously doubt she asks why they have a different mom. Even if she does all you have to tell her is that some people have more than one mom and dad, and tell her you are the skids stepmom.
It's really not as complicated as you think. It will be years before your DD would think to ask probing questions.
Oh I know it will be a long
Oh I know it will be a long time before/if she ever starts asking questions, it just came to my mind today and thought I'd pose the question.
I don't intend to explain a failed marriage to a toddler exactly...but if she asks about the skids, obviously they came from BM and DH...well they're no longer together so I'm wondering (if she even asks) how I'd go about explaining that it's okay that they're no longer together, but that doesn't mean that DH and I won't stay together.
It will probably be mentioned
It will probably be mentioned sooner than that just. There's just absolutely no need to ever talk about your DH's divorce to her. that seems to be the thing you're most worried about.
My DD is 3 and asked about 6 months ago. I just told her like I mentioned, some people have 2 mommies/daddies. She asked a few weeks later why she couldn't go with skids when they went with BM/GBM. I told her because they weren't her mommy and grandma. Next thing I knew she was telling SD that I was SD's stepmom.
She hasn't really asked anything else yet. She knows DS has other family and skids have other family.
I am not being mean by saying
I am not being mean by saying this. She will question and you have to stick to a story and never change it. Kids really do not understand it fully until they are older and understand biology.
I had cousins that went through all this.
The key I think and I have seen work best is be honest and consistent with what you say about it. Eventually they will get it because they will see their friends going through the same thing.
Turn it around as a good thing if she gets upset about it.
EX: I do not want them to leave. They need to go see their mommy. That is ok because it makes the time you spend with them special. Or You know how much I love you and miss you well their mommy misses them so she wants to see them.
Best of luck just keep and honest open communication about it all.
I don't think you need to
I don't think you need to either.... ss is 4 and understands that his dad is not my kids dad, and though I'm my bios mom, I'm not his... everyone has a mom and a dad, sometimes they live in different places. Meh.
When my BS14 was around 2-3
When my BS14 was around 2-3 (before he could tell time & days) there were a few times the Skids would be here longer (extra day off school before or after our weekend) and he knew... he actually told SS once: you need to go home now.
Not because either was being a 'brat', but because it wasn't part of the routine & apparently BS needed a routine (diagnosed Aspergers when older). It was harder when SD would visit because it was never really set, so there was no routine to follow.
BD started questioning when
BD started questioning when she was around 7-8 because SD lived with us full time, but would visit with meth ex, so we just told her the truth and for awhile she couldn't grasp it...she figured I was SD mom's. As she got older she figured it out and when SD left and never came back she got over that eventually as well.
Usually kids don't really worry about their parents marriage unless mommy and daddy are always fighting. My kids could care less what's going on with me and my DH, we are just there.
I have 3 boys, DS6, DS5, and
I have 3 boys, DS6, DS5, and DS2. We've never said anything about SD26 having a different mom. They've never asked. They just accept that she's their sister, and that's it. They only recently started understanding that Grandma and Grandpa are DH's parents and their other Grandpa is my father. I don't see them asking about DH's past anytime soon!