He is like this because he is not used to ever asking dad for anything. In the past it was his grandma and aunt.. now it's you. Dad was never an authority figure for him.

SS is used to having women (aunt, grandma) take care of his needs. So he sees you as a female as the one who will get him what he needs/wants.

His whole world has been turned upside down. He's used to asking the women not Dad for things so now that means you. It is exhausting. Your SO should be stepping in and addressing the majority of these things. That's parenting and consideration for you as his partner. He seems content letting you do the heavy lifting. Trust me- it gets more exhausting. Are you up for that?

Ash.. in the end, does it matter "why"? Do you care if it happens or not?

If you don't want to be saddled with the primary parental role in the home and be the primary focus of the boy then you are going to need to firmly redirect the boy to his father each.and.every.time.

Ash can I have a drink? "go ask your father"
Ash can I hang out with you? "go hang out with your father, I need some time"
Ash can you read me a story? "Ask your dad if he will read you a story"
Ash can we go get ice cream? "ask your dad when he gets home"

I have a feeling that you welcomed and liked the little kid's attention. It was a little ego snack to you that he liked you and you got "happy family disease". You would do maternal things like care for the kid's needs, cook meals for the three of you.

A lot of women do that with boyfriends.. try on the 'wife shoes". Cook and clean for the guy to model how good a wife they would be. My YSD does it.. cooks for her BF when on her own she would be more likely to eat pizza rolls. She is trying on the wife shoes. You tried on the "mommy" shoes and the kid got used to it.

Plus, he was used to going to people other than his dad for things.. so there you go.

Again, either it's ok or it's not. If it doesn't bother you then these posts are little "humblebrags" telling people how much the kid loves you. If it does bother you, you know how to fix it... stop being the kid's go to and make dad do it.

It's an annoying age. My SS is 8 and hovers around me talking complete nonsense in a woodchuck voice. I wish I was kidding. However, I've been around long enough that I have no problems telling him to go play somewhere else when I need some space.

I am so confused. Isn't this what you wanted? I mean back when you first started posting, it was all about how Auntie and MIL needed to slow their rolls and learn their places now that you were in the picture. You and your boyfriend were going to be buying a house and it would be just the three of you and that you three needed your space to figure out your "family" dynamic yada, yada, yada.

Well here you are girl, got your house and your nice little "family" and now you're complaining about the kid treating you like "mom"?? What exactly did you expect the kid to do? He's used to treating the female figures in his life like mom.. he knows nothing different.

lol, SS is like that with me too - and dad is very present and active.

Sometimes when I'm full up on SS, I just laugh and say go ask your dad... then when he's off to find his dad, I sneak off into the garage.

We have a table, couch, radio etc out there... it's more like a family room with cement walls... and I have a lock on the door that latches much like a bathroom stall latch...

...or... and especially if dad is with me at the time of the request, I'll answer and tell him "I'm sure your dad will help you with that"...

Be flattered. It's annoying... but it's sweet (IMO). It won't always be like that, they tend to lose their clingyness around 10 or 11, I find...

Um, he asks you because you answer.

That whole story about you going to lie down and SO not knowing where SS was, and instead of you booting SS and instructing SO to take care of his child, you just coax him out and have 10 minutes for yourself. Ridiculous.

I'm married to my DH and we have a DD together. If I go off for 30 minutes on my own, it is crystal clear that I am not going to be interrupted by DD or DH. If DH allowed that, I'd be furious. Just like when he sleeps in or wants some time to work on his studies, I take care of DD. Including instructing her that DH is busy now, and to leave him alone.

Set and enforce boundaries. Do not feel guilty. Even if you were this child's parent, he would always want more because kids do. But since you're not the parent, it is just foolishness that your SO is enjoying his free time while you can't expect 30 minutes to yourself.

I wanted to address something you mentioned in the Admin, posting this morning.
About your SO. I read this blog when you put it up but did not reply. Now I'm ready to and hope you will take this in the manner it is meant and not think I'm kicking your SO just to be mean.

I don't think your SO is a "lazy" man in the sense he is not a hard working physically active provider. However , I do believe you're still so fresh in this new life that you wear the rose colored glasses and don't like hearing some criticism in some of his ways. I don't think you feel like you can speak up when SO leans on/relies on you a bit too much.

The evening you went in your room to rest and get away from daily life a bit? IMO, you were too hesitant in discussing this with your SO. Every mother, and especially every stepmother needs to make and have 'me' time. It's important . It is important that your SO recognizes this need. It's important that you not feel guilty or 'lessor' because you do need 'me' time.

Your SO is really kind of new at all this too. He worked a lot and was gone. He's just learning what it's like to be around his son 24/7 365. Parenting is work and it's time consuming. He's always had Mom, Dad, and Aunt to help him out and now he has you. But you need to make certain that he does not lean too heavy on you. It will eventually build resentment and burn you out.

Your SS should not be entering your bedroom without knocking and waiting for if you allow admittance. You went in their for quiet and privacy. There is nothing wrong with him coming in IF he knocks and you agree. It's ok to say "honey, not right now, Ash needs a bit of lazy time" or however you want to put it.

Yeah, I understand SS is banned from TV or something like that right now, but SS being bored is not your problem 24/7. SS can go and find Dad and Dad can either entertain the kid or Dad can tell his son to go read a book. It's going to be an adjustment for SS too in your new household. SS is use to having grandparents and Aunt around. There was always somebody around. The secret no one told you though is you can bet they got and made 'me' time. One took 'kid break' while another of them took over. That's not happening for you.

There should have been no reason to take SS along to the picnic. Dad and SS should have did an activity together or just be lazy and hang around home spending time. Even if it was playing a board game or laying in the lawn recliner watching birds. You need Ash time and they need father/son time or they both need their own 'me' time where they each do their own thing at home.

All that to say, IMO I think the idea of SO being "lazy" comes more from Dad having to step up and remember he is now the sole parent 24/7 365. Yes, you're there. And yes, you want to build and bond as a family. But you can not let SO fall into leaning too hard or putting too much of the parenting on you. You just can't. Every SM here has went in the same way. Eager to please and trying to hard. I think for the main part some have been trying to get this clear to you. I don't know, maybe some of us have tried too hard to help you not make the same mistakes some of us made. Don't burn yourself out. Don't take on more than you're willing and able to do and realize it's ok to say 'SO, your son would perhaps like to spend some time with you' and dash out the door. Whether that's to relax in your room or go to a picnic or shopping or just go for a walk.

yeah, we know, Dad gets tired and needs relaxing too...but bottomline is he is the parent. It is his job to parent 24/7. It's his job to guide the kiddo to go self entertain if Dad needs to relax too. You need to set boundaries for what you decide your limits are. And you must never feel guilty for doing so.

I think you and So and SS will do fine. But it takes time and you must remember to always make 'me' time. It's also extremely important to remember that SO and you need couple time. Don't be afraid to hire a babysitter sometimes.