My friend is strictly a BM. I am strictly an SM. We clash now.

I have a friend who I absolutely love but sometimes we get into mini disagreements over the following:

She has a kid with a guy and they are on again and off again for the last 12 years. He's had one serious girlfriend and a few flings and she had one serious boyfriend. Of course these relationships never lasted because of the jealousy - I believe they would even still sleep together on occasion, naturally there would be confrontation with the new boyfriend/girlfriend, etc. She has never said it to me, but her kid's father told me that a lot of issues stem from/she has stated she never wants her kid to have a stepmom. OK fine... who does? He also "doesn't like anyone around his kid." Eyeroll.

To this day they aren't technically together but she is still "afraid to date." Totally loco.

I know she sounds wretched in this post, but I do enjoy hanging with her, she's funny and for many years we have gotten along well. Especially before I became a wicked stepmom.

I cannot stand, however, when she speaks of the "bond" between people who have kids together. Which is fine, I suppose, we all have our opinions, but why continuously speak of that "special bond" to a stepmother? Doesn't she understand I don't like hearing it?

This AM we had another mini disagreement. She is starting to "talk to" a guy from work who has kids. Great! I asked about their age and his ex. She tells me the ex lives out of state, he visits sometimes and "probably sleeps with her." I said "wait, why do you just ASSUME that is how it is?" She replies "I just KNOW how it is with people who have kids together."

Does she not see how that is insulting to me, who has been by DH's side for years and I am certainly NOT sharing him with BM. Years ago when we dated and he had just left her... and was expressing "confusion" about "not being with his kids" ... I moved out and dated someone else while he closed that chapter. I do not share.

It insults me how she makes blanket statements like that and makes me think less of her. It sucks!

AJanie's blog
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Yep... I would tell her that

Yep... I would tell her that you know SEVERAL people that do NOT sleep with their EX's.. lol.

I'm not saying that it doesn't ever happen, because I'm sure it does but just because it happens for HER doesn't mean that she can assume it happens with EVERYONE.

I agree. People try to act

I agree. People try to act like "everyone's doing it" all the time to justify their dumba$$ behavior. I remember I was watching a program once, and some dude said on camera, "Everyone was doing cocaine in the 80s." Total BS of course. But in his mind that served as some sort of excuse for him dong it. Stupid is as stupid does, I guess.

Another things that bothers me is you see all the time on TV absolute trainwreck mothers, into drugs, or sleeping around, or cheating on their spouse, and so on. And, then, someone turns around and says something like, "But she's a good mother." I'm like, What the H-! Kid sees mommy coming in doped up or brining the third "daddy" into their home for the week, but mom is a good mother!? Total BS, but I hear this scenario over and over.

It's not about you, reality

It's not about you, reality or how those other people live.

She is 100% projecting her inability to let go of the ex and her having sex with the ex etc onto all of society. It makes her feel normal.

In reality it's codependent and absolutely not normal.

She says it because she's trying to convince herself her behavior is normal. No, she isn't thinking about you one bit.

If your DH is in a codependent tangled situation with his ex, then yes, that is a warning you should heed. If you aren't then just accept what your friend says about this as her spelling out her life experience here and have sympathy for her poor life choices and how she's so jaded and codependent she can't move on in her life.

She is codependent. It is

She is codependent. It is like... she realizes it fucks with her daughters head yet continues this cycle. Somehow thinking her parents being halfway together is better than apart.

That "special bond" is really

That "special bond" is really her and her Ex's inability to let their relationship go. It would be better for them to tell people they have an "open relationship" instead because the reality is they are both not over the other. That's the bond she speaks of so don't let her tell you it's anything different.