This was a great response... I am a stepmom to a SS21. His father didn't save a penny for college. That being said, neither did mine but my step-dad sat me down when I was about 13 and said "you better make good grades because we can't afford college". I made good grades and got a free ride (and worked during school so I knew it could be done) as did my husband and his brother. Funding every event in the universe (and that we did) was supposed to end at 18. Then 21. It's ongoing today. His school loans are joint with his Dad and at 49 my husband has no retirement savings. I have some but a lot of my savings has gone to paying down my husband's debt.

Though I don't think many people actively want to squash anyone's dreams I agree with you, Ros, on your comment above. SM (as am I) is fearful that what money they do have will be turned over to SD for loans. And, as a SM (good, bad, or otherwise) it's tough to see the tuition/loan/CC/phone/other payment come out of joint checking before the mortgage. The money "wasn't there" for us either but Daddy guilt still paid tuition.