I think kids really reflect the environment in which they grow up. My DD11 is a much more pleasant person for me to be around on her worst day than my skids (12 and 7.5) are on their best day. She has a sense of humor, she's quick-witted, and even kinder than the skids will ever aspire to be. She's also been raised to be her own little person rather than a minion, which makes a BIG difference.

And I say that having known my skids since SD12 was 6 months old (I knew DH when he and BM were married). She, too, was a weepy, clingy, needy little one--all of which she continues to be. SS is literally like wallpaper paste. BM didn't issue him a personality, so he doesn't need one. What little personality is there is obnoxious and rude. BM needs them to be screwed up like this so that she can feel needed and important. As DH and I have said many times, she's raising babies, not kids--and definitely not kids who will need to become functioning adults someday.

So... If you want to have kids, have faith! They won't be obnoxious like your SD.

I think that level of crying and tantrums would wear anyone down. You are the SM with no biological ties which makes it that much harder.

I am wondering, is this normal behavior for her with BM? What is her schedule with DH?

Anyhow, this isn't something I experienced with my own kids. My DH did experience some of this with SS at that same age, but I think this had something to do with the CO'd schedule. SS felt anxious at times and would cry if he wasn't being held constantly. Fortunately, it didn't last past 2 years of age.

Having kids is hard at times- but as a mother of 3 who are grown, I don't hardly remember all the tough times now. I just wish I could go back to my worst day (when my kids were young) and enjoy them one more time!

It wasn't just the skids - it's the way MANY kids are being raised these days. I blame it mostly on poor parenting: lack of accountability, lack of manners, lack of social skills. Everyone gets a trophy. You pooped? Here's your trophy!! You hit the ceiling with that spitwad? Here's your trophy!! Parents blame teachers for their children failing instead of holding the child accountable or helping their kids (either themselves or getting a tutor).

I was raised by military parents and they were STRICT. They ended up with 5 children who are productive members of society. All of us own homes, have successful careers, and know how to cook. All of us were making money by age 14 (paper route, babysitting, etc...).

There are very few children I find tolerable nowadays.

I had the opposite problem. When I met my XH, he had SD 3. I fell in love with her and her with me. We were very close. I loved every second with her and never had a problem having her. BM dumped her off on us at the age of 10 and took off for with no contact for about 5 years. I loved SD so much that I really wanted another child. Before I met XH, I never wanted to have children. I had my BS and my marriage took an immediate turn. XH became abusive and hostile. I stuck out a horrible marriage for over 10 years because of SD. I was the only stable parent she had and I knew if I left, she would never have a chance. I took it as long as I could and divorced her BD when she was 17.

I don't think anyone can every really know if they are cut out to be a parent or not. I love my BS more than life itself. But I will admit, I probably shouldn't have had a child. I was a good mom and raised an amazing son. He turned out to be a blessing. But I do look back at how unhappy I was feeling trapped into a life I didn't really want. Maybe that was partially my crappy marriage or it could have been being a mother. Who knows if I would have regrets if I hadn't had a child.

I was 32 when I met DH and was on the fence about having my own. After step life, hell no. I love DH and he loves his kids but I could never have a child with him. He is the complete opposite of what I am in the parenting department.

It's totally different when it's not your kid lol.

I've been a stepmom for 3 years and I'm currently half-way through pregnancy with my first, and I already find it SO different. I have so much love for my unborn baby already. I would give up anything for him - and I have. I'm sick all the time, I had to stop smoking, and overall, I feel like crap most days, but it's all so worth it. I can't imagine sacrificing anywhere near as much for my stepdaughter.

Don't get me wrong, my stepdaughter is great, but I get annoyed of her quite fast and in all honesty, I get kind of irritated at having to give up my free time/money for her whereas I've already given up so much money for my baby's nursery and so much time spent thinking about him/planning for his arrival and it's the total opposite of feeling irritated - i feel so excited. I can't wait to teach him things and watch him grow.

I'll let you know once he's here but so far, I think it's going to be entirely, completely different. I already have so much more tolerance for my own. And that's natural. It's biology. It's how we're meant to be. So don't let having skids ruin the decision for you. I came into my SDs life when she was 2 years old (she's 5 now) and lived with her full-time and let me tell you...

I absolutely HATED the younger years. Anything less than 5 years old is the WORST... They're whiny and they throw tantrums and regardless of how "well behaved" the particular kid is, all toddlers are hard to deal with... that's just how toddlers are. But when it's your own, it's tolerable because you have endless love for them. When they're not your own, it's hell. Now that my SD is 5, she's not so bad and we have actually started bonding, but back then... I wouldn't do it over again, that's for sure.

I'm lucky my SO's kids are pretty easy to deal with.

I use to work with teenagers in a behavioral health setting. I remember the girls would almost always say "I guess we make you not want kids". My answer was no it just makes me more aware of how important a parent is to a kid. 99% of the kids I worked with had issues because of poor parenting. Someone had good parents who just needed help and some where flat out bad parents.

Bring around my SO's kids makes me want to have one with him more. He's a good dad and he's really trying his best. The kids are sweet enough to me right now but hey they are young. We've talked about having one together and we're going to wait atleast 3 more years. That way we've been together a fair amount of time and should have a more stable idea on our how odd little family will work.

I sometimes feel like I missed alot. My sister has a 2 and 1 year old while I've sort of jumped to a 7 and 4. I wasn't there for any first. I never got to hold them and rock them good night. Things like that. I never wanted a baby before I met his kids. Now I want one to raise from the very start but I need to know the two he has already are safe first because I care about them too.

Brand new here. Where is the list of what all the codes mean. Some I can figure out. Others I can't. I would love to start getting advice/insight from others in my position.