Poverty

DH had court for his worker's comp case the other day and he is officially cleared to go back to work... only problem is the company terminated his position (which is figured would happen) and now he is unemployed.

He thought there would be some sort of grace period for his benefits for him to find a new job but apparently it is over, done, finished and he now has no income.

Last night he filed for unemployment. He said he is going to get on the phone and make some calls to the old company he worked for today and a to a few other contacts he has. We are a month behind on rent, our landlord has been understanding because we make weekly payments, but I fear our luck will soon run out with that.

DH has to contact the child support enforcement agency and try to have support temporarily lowered... unemployment won't even kick in for a few weeks.

BM is going to lay an egg when she finds out her child support will have to be lowered for a bit. Can't wait.... :jawdrop:

I applied this morning for the first time ever for the nutrition assistance program AKA food stamps.

The cherry on top? DH lost his wallet yesterday, sometime between leaving court and running errands. So the few hundred he did have is gone.

I am angry and scared. I just want to get back to a place of being "OK" financially. Not even good, or comfortable. I would settle, happily, for OK.

AJanie's blog
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Nothing. The company paid

Nothing.

The company paid him a great hourly wage and offered halfway decent health insurance. Otherwise no vacation, retirement, etc...

Demoralizing. Exactly. I have

Demoralizing. Exactly.

I have worked since I was 15 years old and I am trying to remind myself I have always been a taxpayer. I only plan to use them temporarily, hopefully.

If we do end up getting

If we do end up getting approve for them - the money spent on food will go directly to our landlord to bring rent current, so I can sleep well knowing I am not one to abuse the system........

I always babysat as a kid until I was old enough to work at the ice cream shoppe in town.

You are not abusing the

You are not abusing the system nor should you feel ashamed having to apply for the assistance. Your type of incident is exactly what the system is meant for. You husband has been a hard working man and paid taxes. He will be again. Unexpected set backs happen and he's already on the ball to find employment again. Nothing to hang his head over.

You can possibly stretch your SNAP allotment a bit farther by looking at your local food pantries. My mother directs the one out of her church. She works hard to bring in the type of items SNAP doesn't cover (female necessaries, shampoo/conditioners, shaving cream blah blah) also. If my eighty some year old mother can bust her buns to locate and acquire health hygiene items , fresh fruits and vegetables and meats for her pantry it's because she truly wants to help people who suddenly find themselves in the unfortunate situation you just found yourself...it's not because she wants to judge you or make you feel any worse than you already do when a rug gets pulled out from under you. And if she senses your hesitation and/or anxiety when you enter, she'd probably offer you a hug and a kind listening ear.

Many people her pantry have temporarily helped end up coming back with self donations for the shelves after they get back on their feet.

Hugs to ya, lady. It's temporary and this too shall pass. Your temporary set back is something that could and does happen to good hard working people all the time. You do what you have to do get through it, pick yourself back up, dust yourself off and look towards the future.

Thank you, I will look into

Thank you, I will look into food pantries. Come to think of it, I believe SIL went to one near her house at some point.

Yes, fortunately I still have

Yes, fortunately I still have my full time job. My job has always paid for our utilities, car insurance, phones, food and my student loan/credit card debt that I am still plugging away at. I also do some part time work watching a neighbor's kids.

Get student loans deferred

Get student loans deferred added to my list.

Yes. I did income-based

Yes.

I did income-based repayment for a while when my DH wasn't working and we had sky-high CS and my monthly SL bill ended up being $5. It annoyed me that I wasn't making any headway on the Student Loans...but that wasn't the time to pay down debt. That was the time to stay afloat and protect our cash flow.

I understand your reluctance about SNAP, but don't let it get to you. I shop for an elderly homebound woman sometimes. At first, I would almost rather pay for her groceries myself than pull out her SNAP card, but she's proud and I knew she would kill me if I tried to pay for her groceries. I just felt bad using it and was always worried that someone was going to look at me...young, able-bodied, wearing nice clothes and shoes...and make assumptions or say something rude. I always tried to work in the fact that I was shopping for an older woman into my conversation with the cashier, somehow.

Now, I couldn't care less. Eff 'em. Why or how I'm using SNAP is nobody's business. The truth is, we never know why someone is using assistance...or if they're even using it for themselves. And I certainly don't begrudge people food...especially innocent children and elderly women who have worked all their lives, starting before there were any real opportunities for women to speak of.

Say all this to say...you're doing great, AJanie. Get creative and use this time and any help you are able to get to rebuild as much as possible. I agree that the food pantry idea is a good one. Before I went back to work, I couponed a lot. The site Southern Savers really helped me plan and get a lot of value for my $$$. Any personal items (soap, shampoo, razors, toothbrushes, etc.) that I could get free or super cheap with coupons, I got, even if we didn't need or use that particular item. I put all of the extras in a crate in my closet and took it to the food pantry or the women's shelter once a month. I also let my poor college-aged sister "shop" in my private personal item pantry whenever she was in town. Lots of fun. It thrilled me to know that, with very little money and a bit of effort, people going through a rough patch could have the things they needed.

Yes, definitely would be

Yes, definitely would be horrific timing for a baby. Horrific.

Ajanie, So sorry your dealing

Ajanie,

So sorry your dealing with this mess. I have a couple observations though.

1. He knew he had been terminated by his old job right? What did he do about that.. did he ask if it was just procedural and would they consider hiring him back after that? My DH was let go when he was on FMLA/disability because it exceeded the maximum allowed time for FMLA to keep a job. It was just his company's standard procedure and he was actually able to go back if he had wanted to. If he didn't know this was the case.. why not do some preliminary job searches?

2. He has now been officially cleared.. well..ahem.. didn't he know that he was feeling good enough to go back to work. The doctor must have already told him he was cleared. I don't think that happens at a hearing.. the doctor isn't there examining you in process???? This just doesn't feel "last minute" to me.

3. Lost wallet... oh boy. If I had a nickle for every time my druggie ex "lost" his money, well.. I would be able to buy at least a starbucks Latte! Grande! Isn't that just convenient? He's walking around with every penny to his name in his wallet? If I only had a few hundred to my name.. I dang sure wouldn't be toting it around.

So, what happens now? You on the hook to pay all the bills, his and yours? I feel bad for his EX.. sounds like his failure to plan has now become her emergency. I feel bad for you too because AGAIN.. he put you in a completely crappy position. I honestly don't know why you allow him to stay and ruin your life.

He doesn't plan well, he

He doesn't plan well, he isn't good with money and he isn't as responsible as he needs to be.

I chose a mess of a man. Who became less of a mess over time... but is still, in many ways, a mess.

Also, money missing is a red

Also, money missing is a red flag but he also lost all his license/ photo ID, a checkbook, certification cards for his CDL and the actual leather wallet. Money didn't just go missing.

How do you know.... he is

How do you know.... he is just telling you this. Tears? Guilt for blowing his last few hundred dollars on drugs?

Believe me, I lived this with a guy. Saw my brother have sob story after sob story for my parents. I do not believe an addict when they "lose" money.

I don't know 110%, the trust

I don't know 110%, the trust still isn't perfect after he broke it last time.

I am choosing to believe he wouldn't pretend to lose his entire wallet to buy drugs, especially when I watch him take his daily suboxone, which would cause his body to go into immediate withdrawal if he took a painkiller.

My ex had our rent money in

My ex had our rent money in his wallet and then someone supposedly broke in to his car and stole that money. Turns out he spent it on drugs and at the casino.

His tears don't necessarily mean it was stolen. It could mean that he felt guilty for spending it.

BTW... just saw a funny Meme

BTW... just saw a funny Meme on the interwebs.

"I'm going to have to start following my brain, my heart is an idiot"

Aw, hon, I'm so sorry you're

Aw, hon, I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this. I am also going through a very stressful "everything is going wrong" period.
{{{{HUGS}}}}

Hugs to you, Aniki

i feel for you. i'm afraid

i feel for you. i'm afraid this is what will happen to dh. we are already so far in the hole financially we're contemplating chapter 13.

((((hugs))))

Sending many well wishes your

Sending many well wishes your way.

It has been one hell of a year.

Oh honey, I'm so sorry. Do

Oh honey, I'm so sorry.

Do whatever you need to do to get back on track. Apply for assistance, for SL forbearance, anything you can think of. And your husband needs to get it in gear and find a job, ANY job. It is not guaranteed that his CS will go down because he is unemployed.

We went through a period when my DH was laid off, the uncertainty sucks. He is going through a workman's comp thing right now (for the past 2 years, actually), and it's a pain in the ass, but fortunately, he is able to work.

Hang in there and many ((hugs)).

Workman's comp was the single

Workman's comp was the single most irritating thing I have experienced (aside from family court). DH's WC attorney mostly ignored us & our questions the entire time. Then the company offered him light duty for awhile last summer, which was great, only to rip the position away after a few weeks. The surgery took forever to schedule and the physical therapy location was changed a bunch of times. Just a pain in the ass.

I hope your husband's situation works out for the best.

AJ, please remember that this

AJ, please remember that this is just temporary. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Take advantage of programs

Take advantage of programs that are meant to help people with these temporary needs.

If I were you, I would stand over your husband's shoulders while he makes all these applications.

What is he doing to fix an of this. He has been allowed to drop the ball ONCE AGAIN.. and you are swooping in to fix it with a solution.

Pardon me if I get a bit irritated, but I have been there, done that. You do it all then get the blame for anything that goes wrong. Even my sainted current husband is not immune to allowing me to fix things for us. I do our bills.. figure out how to juggle things when we are tight.. etc.. I get tired of the responsibility sometimes sigh...

I know. I get so tired, too.

I know. I get so tired, too. I cried all morning, told him I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and like I care more than he does.

He told me he cares more than I know and he will fix this, he will do whatever it takes to pay up rent and get back on track. He is frustrated and wants a career that will help our family get ahead, not a back breaking manual labor job that barely pays the bills, but he knows he will have to take whatever he can get for now. He does not have a post secondary education and has only ever been a laborer. (various trade jobs, some trucking).

It is times like these I wonder what life could be if I were with someone with a better education and more career opportunities. With no kids. But focusing on the negative drags me deeper into a hole.

I know we are not alone in the husband allowing us to fix everything. I have many friends who feel the same. Different life circumstances but the same common theme.

Look, there are lots of

Look, there are lots of different possibilities for him. Don't let him drag you down into feeling sorry for him! I seriously see Help wanted signs everywhere I go these days. Everything from trade positions, to retail to semiskilled to "trainee" etc...

Your DH needs to very quickly decide "what he wants to be when he grows up". Then he needs to make a plan with concrete steps to get him to that place in life.

Sitting around and ruminating over the thought that he doesn't want a labor job for the rest of his life isn't cutting it financially for you. The bills won't stop coming while he decides to get his act together.

If I were you, I would sit down with him and discuss this. Tell him that while you will be supportive him and try help him achieve his goals, HE has to decide what he wants and do the heavy lifting in getting himself there. AND... since he has children and financial obligations, he will have to figure out how HE will take care of those obligations as he gets himself moved forward to those end results.

What does he want to do?? Skilled trade like HVAC/Plumbing etc? Maybe he would like to become a surveyor or home appraiser? Is he computer savvy to the extent that an office job is a possibility? How about restaurant work.. cooking? Does he want to work as a boat captain..lol??? Would his experience in trades translate into working at a big box like lowes or home depot?

Once he decides what field of work he is interested in pursuing.. you can help him figure out how to start out.

For example, my YSD is dating a guy that wants to get his captain's license to run boats. He is starting in a week at a tug boat company in an entry level position that will pay him $200/day. (2 weeks on 2 off) They will pay for all his training courses and as he gets experience, he can apply for higher licenses and get higher pay. This place needs people so bad that the guys can work as much OT as they want!

If your DH wants to work in a skilled trade, he can find a job as an assistant plumber, electrician, hvac etc... lots of companies need guys to assist their licensed tradespeople.. then as he gets experience, he can become licensed himself. Pay is not necessarily horrible. I think my DH's nephew was paid well to work out of town.. over 20 per hour as an electrician helper.

If the first 40 hour a week job isn't enough to pay his bills.. he can get a 2nd job! My YSD worked a full time job last year (that included overtime as a requirement) PLUS worked at a restaurant as a server in the evenings. She made over 30K as a 19 yo. She did so well with her company that she got a promotion to a better job and will make near 40 this year if she continues to do both jobs again.

There are 168 hours in a week. Take away 56 for sleeping and that still leaves you over 100 hours that can potentially be used for WORK etc... Working a PT job or picking up side jobs should be a no brainer for him.

Oh.. and it will keep him busy... idle hands.. devil's workshop and all.

This doesn't have to be a yelling conversation. But, I would give him an ultimatum.. Either you get a job within 30 days or I will leave you. You don't have to be dragged down by this guy.

If you want to brainstorm here.. I'm sure there is a lot of good (and bad lol) advice.

He can't be let off the hook on this, his poor me.. i'm just a laborer and am helpless crap has to go.

I know, so true. The poor me

I know, so true. The poor me act...

I told him today that it is truly pathetic to be at this point, as a father of 2. I told him if he doesn't want to do manual labor he should have pursued more of an education. I said a few other things. I know that hurt him.

He wants to do class A truck driving. The certification school in our area offers some financial aid but he can't afford to drop everything and take 6 weeks of classes right now, he needs to work. There aren't many companies hiring at the moment that are willing to pay for it.

He knows people, and he knows people who know people. Right now he needs to be networking and putting himself out there. It is tempting for me to stand over his shoulder but I know HE needs to figure this out. It is truly sink or swim.

My anxiety levels are so heightened.

ETA: This is pretty consistent with how he is. He doesn't plan, totally ADHD, disorganized, irresponsible chaos. So I don't expect immediate, miraculous results. I just expect him to do what he does best, get out there and work with his hands.

Ok.. he wants to be a truck

Ok.. he wants to be a truck driver... local or long haul?

First he needs to research the requirements at your DMV.

Is there anything in his driving/criminal background that could sink his chances here? Seriously, if he has had drug or alcohol convictions it will most likely be very difficult to pursue this.

Second, He needs to research driving schools that might offer weekend courses. Yes, your adorable man is not the ONLY person in the world who wanted to get his CDL while he had to work his regular weekday job! It may take longer to get the certification.. but that's the breaks.

Step 2.2 If he finds a school with weekend courses he needs to find a job to pay his bills and start saving for that course. I wouldn't give a crap what he had to "stoop" to doing. 3 fast food jobs.. stocking grocery shelves, unloading trucks etc... Sign up with a temp labor agency and take whatever they offer. Does he know how to speak???? Get a call center job or collections job!

Step 2.3 If he can't find any truck schools that offer weekend or evening options (which I highly doubt)... then he needs to go IN PERSON to every trucking company in town and see if they will take him on and train him on the job. He can work warehouse.. or do whatever until he gets the CDL.

Not sure what his injury was, but is he aware that truckdriving can actually be hard on you physically? I know this because my EXH was driving a truck when I met him.

He had no college.. but after he met me he started working at a computer store.. then eventually got his microsoft certified engineer training and at one point was making over 100K a year. NO college... It CAN be done . Not having higher education doesn't mean he can't achieve.. though it may be difficult in some ways.

Getting into other skilled trades. Mechanics, HVAC, Plumbing, Electrician, pipefitting, welding (huge money for welders!). All of these good paying careers do not require any higher education.

No drug or alcohol

No drug or alcohol convictions.

You have amazingly valid points. Is he driven to the point where he will pursue school on the weekends and get 3 part time jobs? nope. He does need to drop the entitled bullshit, which I tell him. He made a fantastic wage at his old job and a lot of the jobs he has looked at are very, very low paying. Such is life.

In a way this is almost good for him, as stressful as it is. You see, our year lease was up in December. They wanted us to renew for another year. Things were already tough and rent is his job, so I opted out of signing the lease with him. If he can't pay, it's his ass now on the line. I would be free to go without owing anything.

I think he is pretty aware of how grim things are. Will he handle this exactly like I would want him to? No. He will handle this his way. All I can really do is wait and see how well he does on this test of life, unfortunately.

He doesn't need to handle it

He doesn't need to handle it exactly as you (or I) would handle it. However, he needs to be on notice that if he does not deal with it fast and in a hurry that there WILL be consequences.

So glad to hear that you are not on his lease. That makes things a lot simpler for you.

I still think there is nothing wrong with having the following conversation.

DH, I love you. You have so many amazing qualities. I know the past year (or whatever amount of time) has been difficult for you and that you have gone through a lot. I have stood right beside you and supported you physically, mentally and financially. Unfortunately, my well has run dry. I can't do all of this on my own any longer. I can't support us both. Since you didn't plan for the eventuality of WC running out, we are all in a bind including your EX and your children who you now, all of a sudden, have no way to support. I know you mean well and I know you have a hard time planning and figuring things out. Here's the thing though, if you do not secure a paying job by the end of March, I have to leave. I will do whatever I can to help you. I will help type your resume, help you fill out job applications. I know you want to be a CDL driver.. I can help you find a school that might offer weekend or evening classes so you can be working towards that goal. However, if you can't become gainfully employed by the end of the month, I figure that you just don't care enough to make this work with us. I can't care about our family when you don't care enough to do what's necessary to hold up your end of the bargain. So, if you can't see your way to getting employed by the end of the month... I'm gone. I know you have friends and connections. It's time you used them. This is not something to do tomorrow. You need to work on this right now. Again, I love you and it breaks my heart to see you flounder, but I need to have an equal partner in the home.

I will have a conversation

I will have a conversation like that very soon. I told him if he sits on unemployment I am out. Thank you

I don't know where you live

I don't know where you live but unemployment is a mere pittance. I think it amounted to maybe 250-350 in states where I have lived. Do you really think a grand a month is "enough" for him to pay child support and half your bills? I am guessing the answer is a big fat no.

The only reason why I might advocate someone going that direction (for any length of time) is if they lose their job but have a good likelihood of getting a similar job in their field that they are already trained for or if there are zero job opportunities in their area in ANY field.

It's not like he was a CDL driver and wants a few extra weeks to get in with the "right" trucking company. He's not an accountant going for hire at a big corporation.

He's a former laborer that is hoping to get his CDL. Can the unemployment in your state pay his bills plus allow him to save for that class? I doubt it. Do a quick google search to figure out what the maximum amount he might be entitled to.

I am not saying that he can't or shouldn't apply.. but he should be looking actively for a job. In fact being on unemployment they actually require you to be doing this.

The unemployment will be

The unemployment will be hardly enough to even cover child support. We both know that. He just wanted to file as a safety net. Better to have a few bucks coming in that nothing while he looks for some type of gainful employment.

He mentioned a fisherman friend who may know of a job opening.

I will mentally need to give him until the end of the month and then decide what to do. He also has a final doctor's appt next week and he has some questions on weight lifting limitations and suggestions about that, because if he goes back and reinjures himself that will be counterproductive.

I don't blame him for the

I don't blame him for the safety net issue... but do yourself a favor. Don't set an expectation for him that he is not aware of. He needs to know how serious you are about him needing to step up to the plate.

If you don't want to give him a "hard" ultimatum now, then don't.

You can say if you aren't hired by the end of the month.. I will have to seriously re-evaluate our relationship... gives you a bit of an out if you think he has made serious efforts that a job will be imminent.

Then, in 30 days you can give him a by the end of the month or else ultimatum.

When he said he lost the

When he said he lost the wallet, he said he was on the phone with SIL after court, and stopped at a gas station and remembers placing it on top of car while pumping gas. Drove off and shortly after panicked and realized he didn't have it. Asked the clerk, asked the local police station, circled the parking lot.... found nothing.

As sad as this is to admit, given his past, I listened to his explanation and then walked away and looked at his phone history to see if his conversation with SIL occurred after court, just to fact check. He did have the conversation after court concluded. I am not saying this proves anything, it is just something I checked. I am obviously baffled at the timing and stupidity of losing a wallet.

I don't believe everything he tells me without second guessing, I really don't. But part of his recovery and mine is too start to build trust, so I don't want to go off the deep end making accusations, either.

He does need to be held accountable and be a big boy, agreed.

"Thankfully while he was laid

"Thankfully while he was laid up the husband took online courses to help him get his degree and then got picked up for a teaching job."

Ajanie... your DH could have been working on getting his CDL during all of this. I am sure that you could have figured out a way to get it paid for/borrowed etc...

Think about this. He fails to plan. You know what happens in the jungle when you fail to plan? You starve to death... you get eaten by tigers. Planning failure means you face consequences.

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