Ex dh new gf kid bullying dd
So last weekend dd went to her dads and found out that he moved his new girlfriend and her 3 kids in. Dd had never met the girlfriend nor did she know he was dating. To say she was shocked was an understatement and with sd there I imagine she was clingy to her dad. She experienced a lot of changes on top of everything else that has happened in the last year. One of new girlfriends kid is in dd's grade but not her class. They have the same lunch period and have recess at the same time and she has been making fun of dd. Telling her friends near sd that she has a new dad now who adores her and that he has an old dd but he is forced to see every other weekend and how he says he wishes she wouldn't come but she does. She says all kinds of hurtful things. I talked to dds teacher and the principal and they say they can't really do anything since it was a private conversation and no one mentioned dds name. They are treating it like dd is snooping on her instead of her waiting till dd is nearby and being cruel. I called exdh and told him what was going on and he blew me off and told me to quit contacting him and that I really should move on and forget him. Um YEAH! Done. This concerns our dd and her well-being. He kept saying I need to move on until I hung up on him, he refused to address dd being bullied. That bastard acted like I only called to hear his voice. I'm so frustrated. Any advice on what to do besides tell dd to stay strong? She is in therapy already.
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How old is your DD?
How old is your DD?
Really, to be honest, it was
Really, to be honest, it was not a conversation to be had with your ex. It's his GF kid, not his, so what is he supposed to "do" about the bullying? Contacting the school was the best thing you could do. Maybe they can't do anything about it now, but if it begins to be a pattern, then they could address it. At least it's documented. And I hope you had a nice chat with your DD about how she really shouldn't give a hoot what some random girl she barely knows is saying about her.. it's life and it will certainly happen to every single one of us at some point. Maybe her counselor can give her some advice as well on how to cope/handle it.
What was he supposed to
What was he supposed to do???
He was supposed to find out if what the OP said was true. Then he was supposed to make it crystal clear to his SD to she better not mess with his daughter.
Disney dear, I respectfully
Disney dear, I respectfully disagree. how many times have SM's been told here that it is NOT their place to discipline other people's children? The kid isn't even his "SD"! the kid has lived with him for 2 seconds.
I'm not saying that the dad
I'm not saying that the dad necessarily had to speak to his GF's daughter, but I think he should be aware of what his GF's daughter was saying at school.
He should have insisted that GF have a talk with said daughter about respect and how she expects her to behave both at home and away.
Mark it on your log book
Mark it on your log book recording contact w/exDH for your next parenting visitation review. Save your $ up since w/exDH's history & the abuse of DD while in his "care," you will be heading back to court soon.
Contact the school, raise sand if you have to --- take names and make notes. I'm certain that you've spoken to the school about the situation with DD and why she may need a bit more care & watching right now. I would speak to the principal, the teachers, the cafeteria staff, the aides, the counselor --- become a PIA until they become more proactive. Use some catch phrases like 'school should be a safe place' or express your concern because of this bullying that 'your daughter's educational needs will not be met.' Ask that one of the children switch lunch periods.
The principal may say that he/she cannot do anything without witnesses to bullying. Check the handbook. Normally, I would suggest you allow the children to sort it out a bit on their own, but with your exDH's neglect and malicious behavior since I would not wait. Given his apparent mental make-up and immaturity, he likely has found a GF who reflects similar traits.
Check your state laws regarding recording devices. I live in a one-person-record state which means that one party to the conversation must be aware that they are being taped. Years ago w/my BS's new Russian SM kept calling me all the time & my exDH was talking trash to BS that I was just jealous, I put a recorder on the phone line. Stuck it into my computer with copies winging to my lawyer. Things settled down abruptly afterward.
Protect your DD.
You're going to have to teach
You're going to have to teach your DD how to cope and respond to the new living situation w/other kids in the house, a new parental figure, and a father who does not want to co-parent w/you. She's going to have to be strong and learn to advocate for herself.
Since dd is in a different class she can surround herself w/her classmates at lunch and recess. There really is no reason to interact w/the girl at school. If mean things are said dd can ignore and walk away, often *crickets* is the best answer to unwanted criticism.
The gf's daughter may feel threatened by the *real* daughter and that's why she's saying mean things. Also realize that your dd may feel displaced and is exaggerating what is actually being said. I've substitute taught and seen that kids can be mean and do exaggerate.
I have some experience w/ this because 6 mos after my divorce exH married a woman w/3 girls who were near the same age as our 3 boys. My boys were always calling and complaining about the girls, basically tattling to me. There was nothing I could do about it. Their father refused to talk to me and his new wife wanted all communication to go through her. The only response I got was that the girls were perfect and my boys were horrible. I just listened to my sons and their frustrations of living w/a herd of girls and trying to blend into a family. It was rough for them and I can only imagine it was awful for the 3 girls to have a bunch of very energetic boys foisted on them. Fortunately for everyone involved exH's marriage lasted 3 years and ended in a messy divorce. According to exH (who decided to talk to me once again) his wife demanded that she choose between her and his children because she couldn't handle them. I'm sure there was more to the story but thankfully that chapter of my kids life was over.
I'm with SuperJew. Give your
I'm with SuperJew.
Give your daughter the green light to treat the brat the same way she is treating her. When your ex calls you and complain, give him the same response he gave you.
I still don't get why you did
I still don't get why you did not take DD's "accident" last year to the police and got Child Service involved, clearly DD does ont want to go to her father, and clearly he's not a good father,
First he got her molested allowing her to hang with SD and other adult males, now she's being abused in his home by his SD and it all is fine.... in your shoes I would've taken my child and make sure she is safe, I would gather as much as possible evidence of how I tried to get DD away from that thing that spawned her and then I would've gone to a woman shelter to help me go missing for life...
even if I had to go to jail if found after 30 years... I would not care, my kid will come first
Since you two are still
Since you two are still married you can talk to your lawyer that other females cannot stay overnight when DD is visiting dad. Just talk to your lawyer. I know people who had in their order
But I honestly doubt this is for real. DD was molested on dads time and there was no proper investigation and everyone acts like nothing happened.