Vent.... I don't get it....
Just left the counselors office and I swear DH and these counselors are going to drive me crazy. DH is upset because the weekends he has off are the ones he has sd10 and due to her horrible behavior and his inability to parent I choose to work or go do things when she is there. He thinks I NEED TO BOND WITH HER!!!!
The counselor says I need to be more involved when we have her. I need to let go of my expectations of how she should be raised and just be her friend.DH says yeah I have stuff to do on the weekends and you could do stuff with her while I get that stuff done. Counselor agrees. :jawdrop:
So I say to counselor " you do realize dh gets sd10 after 5pm on friday,has her all day Saturday,and returns her at 2pm on Sunday. So you think that in the 48 hrs she is here it is more important for her to be with me than to have her father for that short period of time? That doesn't even make sense. You want me to be around her because he is inconvenienced by her on the weekend? So I need to give up time to be with a child that is undisciplined and rude to make a better relationship with her, but dad who sees her eowe does not have too? The counselor nor dh had anything to say after that SMDH...
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So ridiculous. She is a
So ridiculous. She is a horrible liar so i refuse to be alone with her as well.
Some people can't see the
Some people can't see the wood for the trees.
Sounds like DH doesn't want
Sounds like DH doesn't want her there and is trying to pass the buck to you
He is, and the counselors
He is, and the counselors support the nonsense
The problem is this is the
The problem is this is the 3rd counselor we have been too that subscribes to this idiocy. Dh says I am doctor shopping until I find someone who agrees with me.
Maybe he should shop for a
Maybe he should shop for a new wife who will agree with him. Seriously though (because I hate telling people that they should leave relationships based on a few words) I would stop going to counselors with your husband or if you have other issues than his parenting to discuss, just refuse to discuss all parenting and sd issues and focus on other areas of your marriage.
His lack of parenting is one
His lack of parenting is one of our key issues. Which led to disrespectful sd10,hence our disagreements.
We have tried 3 and they are
We have tried 3 and they are all on the same page. He says I am doctor shopping to get someone to agree with me.
He wants to be outside
He wants to be outside cutting grass, mulching, doing outdoor stuff. She is not interested in being outside or doing anything with her dad. He wants me to teach her to cook and take her for pedicures like I do my niece.
1 she's a horrible, rude, ungreatful, kid
2 lies about everything
3 her aunts are here in town with kids and they WILL NOT do anything with her on the 2 weekends a mth she's here
But I am supposed to do it
No she doesn't. Another thing
No she doesn't. Another thing that I asked was as an aunt to my niece I spend time with her. Why would sil's not lift a finger to call or take her somewhere. They see her even less than I do, but alas they are untouchable. They must be busy. But yet they post pics of their families at the zoo or park on weekends that sd10 is here.
But I am supposed to make up for that. Dh says that his family was raised differently :?
So he wants to enforce
So he wants to enforce gendered stereotypes? That is definitely a step mom's role!
Why can't his outside tasks be completed after 2pm on Sundays? Sounds like he will still have some daylight hours. Plus I imagine he has days off during the week if he only had every other weekend off work, again that would be perfect time to mow the lawn or pick up leaves. Alternatively he could pay someone to do yard work, or pay for his kid to do an activity for s couple of hours so she is occupied and he can do his parental-avoidance tasks. So many ways for him to keep sd occupied while also getting chores done that do not involve offloading his kid in you.
Uggg... doesn't sound like he wants to try to understand things from your view.
He says " she is part of me
He says " she is part of me so I should love her the same" :sick:
So I should want to spend time with her too.
Thank you. I tried all the
Thank you. I tried all the same things with her I have done with family and non-related kids. She called me pig, told my mother I was disgusting, the list went on and on. I finally stepped back because if that was my niece or any child I would have had limited contact as well.
I just don't know to teach him what you just said so wonderfully.
He says " she is part of me
He says " she is part of me so I should love her the same"
So I should want to spend time with her too.
This is just a manipulation tactic. And a bad one, at that.
I would demand an answer to
I would demand an answer to your simple question: who should she be spending time with during her legal visitation with her father. Heck, I'd bring a copy of the CO and ask the counselor to point out where it says the visitation is with you.
And I would seriously tell him silence is not an acceptable answer. And then I would stop going to counseling.
I fully intend too. It's hard
I fully intend too. It's hard not to lose my cool with all the ignorance in the counselors office though.
All these " counselors" think
All these " counselors" think if I just change then everything would just be fine. Nevermind DH and sd10 do not have to fit in my life or change, because I am the one who has a problem with how things run currently.
How things run currently is,
How things run currently is, your husband does not want to spend time with his daughter, he wants you to spend time with her, instead.
The question I asked further below and that is asked regularly on this board, "What would he do if he were single?"
You changing would not change their relationship or his parenting and that's what needs to change. He wants a free pass.
DH is upset because the
DH is upset because the weekends he has off are the ones he has sd10
This is called "visitation". It's for the child to spend time with the non-custodial parent. Has anyone explained this to your husband?
He thinks I NEED TO BOND WITH HER!!!!
No, HE needs to bond with her, you are not required to do anything. He can teach her to cook and take her for pedicures, he can have her help with yard work, too.
This is really just ridiculous. If he was single, would he just not take visitation because he has stuff to do and doesn't want to be bothered with her? Her bad behavior might just be due to her knowing that he doesn't really want to spend time with her.
Honestly, I don't know why men like this bother.
Worse. At least a dildo is
Worse. At least a dildo is useful.
The counselor sounds awful
The counselor sounds awful and biased. I posted on another forum about the nightmare therapists we had for SD. It is sad but true that they are not all uniformly great and many let their own views just guide everything. I would call that bias out and just refuse to go. Unfortunately in this field you need to doctor shop a lot more than say for a cardiologist (maybe their standards are more enforced and uniform). But with counselors and therapists, I would definitely trust your common sense and go for another one.