Seven Years A Stepmom / Creative Writing Assignment
After the Grape Jelly incident this weekend, I got to thinking.
For a while after the initial, knee-jerk "picking on my kid" response from DH, I amused myself in my head with "scenes" from my SEVEN YEARS A STEPMOM. I'd love to read your scenes, if you're feeling creative today or just bored at work, like me 
Here all the rules. Your scene must be brief and must consist of action and dialogue between you and DH or MIL, friends, family members, etc. Your scene must end with the line: "Why do you hate my kids?" spoken by DH or "Why do you hate your skids?" spoken by someone else.
Again...this is light-hearted and, hopefully, mostly funny. We have to laugh sometimes, right?
Here's my first scene from the beginning two years of my marriage, mostly action.
ME: Cooking in the kitchen, five dishes about to be ready at the same time.
DH: In the living room on his tablet.
SS: At the kitchen table, sitting
OSD: At the kitchen table, sitting
YSD: At the kitchen table, sitting
DH (From Living Room, Urgent): "How long until dinner?!"
ME (Two dishes in hand, trying not to burn the other three): "Five minutes!"
SKIDS: Audible groan
ME (Juggling bowls of food to the table): "Dinner's ready!"
All skids and DH dig in, mostly talking about the good old days and things I don't remember at all. Dinner finishes. All skids get up from the table and start to head to the living room until DH reminds them to "help" clear dinner. Each skid picks up dinner plate and puts it on the counter next to the sink. Then, DH and skids head into the living room and begin discussing what movie they want to watch. Nobody asks me for input.
I clear away the rest of dinner, scrape scraps into the compost and find leftover containers for the food that's worth saving. Rinse dishes, load the dishwasher, put napkins, towels, placemats, etc. in the wash, wipe down counters and the table. Sometime during this routine...usually when I have just five minutes or so left, DH and skids get tired of waiting and I hear the movie start. I peek into the living room after dinner is cleaned up and see skids and DH sprawled out over every available surface. So I go into our bedroom, take my bra off, get comfortable, and read a book of MY choosing.
DH (In a text, 15 minutes later): "Where are you?"
ME: "Reading in bed."
DH: "What's wrong?"
ME: "Just tired and would prefer to read."
DH: "Why do you hate my kids?"
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Comments
"Why do you hate my
"Why do you hate my kids?"
Best answer in most cases: "Because they are selfish, inconsiderate aholes."
PS - this is a dramatization,
PS - this is a dramatization, but it's how I felt a lot of the time. Thankfully, we've had a come to Jesus since this time and now I'm the one gets up from the table and takes a couple dishes to the dishwasher while everyone else clears dinner away. DH really does try...but those early years were rough and so I still have "flashbacks" from time-to-time when he gets defensive of one of the skids...
Me: I will not tolerate
Me: I will not tolerate someone who steals from me!
DH: MSD has issues, it won't happen again.
Me: You ALWAYS say that and it happens again.
DH: Why do you hate my kids so much?
Me: (Exit stage left...)
lol. Gah!
lol.
Gah!
setting the scene. dh is
setting the scene. dh is home with the kids. he calls me, at his wits end and ready to pull his hair out, begging "is there any way you can leave work early?"
"no, dh, you know i cant."
so eventually i get home, and dh says "i cant handle them anymore. if it's not one, it's another, OR another! either wanting to be fed, or making a mess, or just being loud and bouncing around like a pinball! your kids are heathens!!! i'm going outside, it's YOUR turn to deal with YOUR kids!!!"
"you just hate my kids!!!"
*******
yes, this is a convo we have frequently. several times a week. about the FURBABIES.
Ha! Love the reveal at the
Ha! Love the reveal at the end
lol - the "you hate my kids"
lol - the "you hate my kids" became a joke to us long ago. after WWIII, when MIL's PAS campaign busted wide open. before then, dh had everyone talking $#!t about me to him, behind my back or whispered in his ear about how much i hated them and how awful i treated them. after not seeing the kids at all for 4 months, him and dumb@$$ and the boys all sat down together to hash it out. turns out i was painted as Evil Incarnate for NO EFFING REASON WHATSOEVER. the worst they could come up with was "she looked at me wrong..."
that was when we started using it with eachother tongue-in-cheek. eight months after that pow-wow with the kids, we ended up with them full time and we toss that joke around quite frequently (OUT of earshot of the human kids!!!)
ME: Dinner is almost
ME: Dinner is almost ready
CHEF: Did you make something for the kids?
ME: Yes, it's the same thing we're having
CHEF (audible gasp) You know they only like (insert kid-centric junk food)
ME: I think they should try some of this
skids overhear conversation
SKIDS: We wanna eat out!
CHEF: (immediately runs into kitchen to whip up a "kid friendly" meal) I'm making some (insert kid-centric junk food) instead, kids!! (aka daddykins to the rescue)
Oh geez. This is sooooo
Oh geez. This is sooooo familiar. Except, for me, it was the big drink saga.
DH: "Whatever will the kids drink?!?!?!?!"
ME: "Water."
ALL: **GASP**
DH (Grabbing Keys): "I'l be right back, kids!"
I must say...this is one area I'm really proud of. All three skids are MUCH better eaters than they were when I first married DH, and they all choose water over soda now, 90% of the time. And they are all thin and in good shape now...which was certainly NOT the case before I took over the kitchen.
I'm pretty disengaged at this
I'm pretty disengaged at this point but every once in awhile it still comes up...a few weeks ago was the last time.
SO has 3 adult children. The 2 daughters have a whole bunch of issues.His one daughter was an addict and stole from me and everyone else. When I busted her and she was asked to leave the house she went on Fakebook and called me every name in the book...even admitted stealing from me but justified it by saying I "stole her family from her". Nope, your family was pulled apart because of the actions of your Mom and Dad...long before I was a part of the picture.There is so much I could write about what this young women has done to me over the years but it would take up too much bandwidth to write it all down.
His other daughter is just a low-down lying piece of crap. She is a whack job and blames everyone for her sad life. She takes no responsibility for her actions nor the consequences of such actions. I am the reason for all of misery according to Fakebook.
I can understand why she feels that way...I have firm boudaries in place now. No, longer do I tolerate the abuse they threw my way.
SO for the most part is supportive of disengagement...but just a few weeks ago when having a discussion regarding the upcoming holidays he mentioned "you know it would just be easier for all of us if you were friends with my girls again on Fakebook"...
I just looked at him...
He back peddled with "but, I can understand why you wouldn't be"...lol
Scene: Chef is picking up
Scene: Chef is picking up YSS for his visitation at the sitter's house.
ME: Chef, I need to stop at XYZ before we pick up Prince Hygiene. ..
CHEF: NO! We'll be late to pick up Prince Hygiene
ME: PH isn't due from the school bus for 35 minutes (we were 15 minutes away at the time after moving to be "closer to the kids" (TM)
CHEF: We'll get that later AFTER we pick up PH.
ME: (thinking--I can NEVER go to the store with PH asking for some toy--that's what I was trying to avoid)
We arrive at the bus stop just outside the sitter's house
We wait for 20 minutes in the truck
PH comes bopping out of the school bus, completely ignoring the bus driver's signal not to cross the street yet; he sees daddykin's truck and is in the mood for TOY SHOPPING.
CHEF: (saying nothing about PH's dangerous run across the road without the bus driver's direction) Heeeyyyy Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudddddddyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!! (in syrupy sweet tone)
PH: I wanna toy! (no Hi DAD or Hi thinkthrice)
He stomps on my feet to climb over to the middle of the pickup truck. I move him to the passenger side and put the seat belt on him. Now PH is ANGRY!! He starts fiddling with the radio, blasting the volume and changing the channel.
PH: Daaaaaaaddddd I really want to go to the BLUUUUUUE STOOOOOORE (baby talk for Walmart)
Me: (feeling nauseous and eyes get cramp from rolling too high)
DH: let's go SD: ignores SS:
DH: let's go
SD: ignores
SS: Continues to play video games
DH: LETS GO
SD: ignores
SS: I have to finish this level
DH: Lets GO
SD: groans, starts to move toward the door
SS: backing away from the TV but still playing video games
DH: LETS GO, WE ARE GOING - starts to put on his own shoes
SD: sits back down to continue texting
ME: now in the car, waiting, reading my book on my phone so I don't fume
DH: gets in car, shoes not tied
SD\SS: stomp to the car, sour looks on their faces, get in, slam doors
drive in mostly silence for 25 mins to destination, can hear a pin drop
DH - asks a few questions to skids, to which he is ignored or recieves one word grunts
arrive at location
DH: I'm just going to run in, I will be 5 mins
10 mins passes - silence in car
DH: sup?
ME: sitting in silence, you?
DH: Well you could talk to them you know...
ME: So could you, you know...
DH: I don't get it
ME: no kidding
..........
Love this one! The sitting in
Love this one! The sitting in silence blamed entirely on stepmom because dad can't think of anything to say to his own kids...OR because kids are unresponsive and grunt or give monosyllabic answers to everything.
Or, as it's called in my
Or, as it's called in my house, dinner
Yup, dinner is like that. The
Yup, dinner is like that. The only conversation is myself and my kids when my kids are there.
If any conversation is directed to SD she grunts, responds with a one word answer with a tone in her voice like we are all beneath her often with an eye roll.
SS will generally answer if he isn't sniffing his food or rolling it around in his mouth like he is trying not to gag on it. So often we just eat in silence. Nooo, not awkward at all.
Oh yes. The "you're being so
Oh yes. The "you're being so unreasonable / dramatic / sensitive subtext that underscores everything..."
You hate the way you are
You hate the way you are treated by everyone of them including your self-absorbed husband; who crowned you the family slave? Wow, the cooking should end too, I guess, until somebody notices you are not considered nor included.
I agree, CANYOUHELP. This was
I agree, CANYOUHELP. This was my life 4-5 years ago, until I put my foot down and disengaged. I also ran kids around, watched them when DH was traveling...and constantly felt like it wasn't enough. Then I left for a few months to focus on myself and my health, and, when I got back, DH and I had some serious talks.
He was hurt and resistant at first...saying he thought all of this time that I thought of the kids as my own and loved them like I would love my own kids and he felt betrayed by my real feelings. I told him it wasn't about that...but about the lack of a voice or any control in my own home and my own life. I told him that I was never consulted, constantly excluded...that he got really tense and pissy with me on kid weekends and showed me almost no physical affection...but then put a lot of guilt and blame on ME for not loving kid weekends when he obviously didn't love them either...and when he essentially separated from me prior to them coming over...like I'm going to love people who put an invisible wedge in my marriage EOWE, and who distance me from my husband right when we need to feel close...that I was given lots of responsibility but no authority or even consideration...that when I did try to participate in conversations, he looked impatient with me or made hand gestures or vocal cues for me to hurry up and get to the point...etc. I put it all out there.
At first, he didn't believe me...said I was too sensitive and imagining it all. But he must have heard me...and I think he started to notice what I was talking about on his own. Now, he consults me about everything (I ALWAYS say yes to him getting more time with his kids, btw), he heads off most problems before they occur...doesn't expect me to be a caregiver for his kids, and makes sure to spend time with me before kids arrive...and while they're here. I still cook...but only because I like cooking
Scene: in the kitchen, about
Scene: in the kitchen, about 2 years after we were married. It is about 2 weeks after New Years.
Backgound: 2 adult SDs had a falling out and had refused to be in the same room together for some time and would not come on the same day to celebrate christmas.
Background: Over the holidays, I "hosted' the SDs on different days. Keep in mind that the holidays meant I did all the planning/cooking/serving/cleaning/paying for the food/drinks.
Me: Next year Christmas will be just one day. Everyone is invited, they can come or not, but I am not hosting on two different days"
exDH: "No one tells me I cannot see my daughters on Christmas" (translation into step talk, "you hate my kids".
setting scene.... in the
setting scene....
in the living room watching TV..... Aergia comes in at the front door
Aergia: Hello Daddy
SO: Hello
Acra: crickets
SO - you are being rude why did you not greed Aergia, she greeted you...
Acra: No I'm not Daddy thus she did not greet me,.....
Scene: Making dinner
Aergia: whats for dinner
Acra: food
(Aergia storms off to her room, Acra dishes up for SO and self,)
SO did you tell Aergia dinner is ready, Acra, she knows (hell she was in the kitchen was she not but say nothing)
We eat dinner, I clear everything, left over food in the fridge and do dishes.... SO on the coach...
Aergia comes down, slams fridge doors, mumbles shit ... eats dinner and leaves plate in the living room, Acra pinches SO
SO: Aergia clean your dinner plate, can't you see kitchen is clean.....
SO only once asked me why I have his daughter, I replied with - I feel nothing for your daughter, thus I do not hate her, hate is a feeling....... }:)
Scene/Backstory: For many
Scene/Backstory: For many weekends now, Chef has woken up around 4:00 a.m. every Saturday as is his usual routine. Problem is that he does this on weekends when Prince Hygiene was over for his entitlement lesson, err visitation. So PH wakes up (at the ripe old age of 6 1/2) to sit upon daddy's knee in the springtime, surfing the web and shopping for CHRISTMAS toys; being completely sleep deprived.
ME: I don't think it's a good idea to wake up PH at 4 in the morning. I know you want your time with him, but it's bad for him and his sleep habits. n (PH has MEGA dark circles under his eyes; he has NO bedtime at the Gir's house and just falls asleep wherever; something I did NOT tolerate in my house and it took awhile to set Chef straight on bedtimes before bedtime ritual)
CHEF: NAAAH (insert hand wave off) he doesn't need all that sleep; chip off the ol' block
Fast forward to a few PH tantrums later after being sleep deprived
ME: I really do think the lack of sleep is affecting his behavior not to mention we all need our sleep because we work very hard.
Weekend one:
4:00 a.m. Saturday: (PH slowly wakes up, talks to himself a bit then opens the master bedroom door to see when Chef is going to get his ASS OUT OF BED AND GO TOY SHOPPING!!!!
Chef is snoring loudly, PH creeps back to his room
Two minutes later PH checks again. I get up, light sleeper that I am and escort PH back to bed telling him we have a busy day ahead so he needs to go back to sleep.
Soon the sound of coerced vomiting comes from PH's room
CHEF: (springing out of bed) He's SICK!!
ME: (knowing this is merely a ploy) He'll be alright; he's just going cold turkey from getting up every Saturday at 4 a.m. (glaring behind Chef's back for having started this in the first place)
CHEF: (goes to PH's room) What's the matter buuuuuuuuuuuddddddddyyyyyyyyy?
PH: I wanna look at TOYS now! (trying to make himself gag)
CHEF: Well if you're sick you'll need to go back to MOM's house (the magic word--the Girhippo consistently bribes him to make him object to visitation)
PH: (Still gagging and trying to make himself vomit)
CHEF: I think he really is sick! (walks into bathroom; PH tries to follow him as usual into the bathroom)
ME: (stopping PH) PH, Now I know you are just pretending to be sick but you need to calm down and rest. You really should just go back to bed.
PH: (deer caught in headlight look IOW oh no she's ON to me!!--starts gagging again)
ME: (distracting PH with a few plush novelties)
CHEF: quickly gets dressed to take PH back to the Gir's.
PH: Can we go to Dunkin Donuts? I wanna chocolate milk and chocolate donut??!1
ME: PH, I thought you were SICK?
CHEF: (glaring at me for calling out PH)
Fast forward to next visiation
Same scenario; PH peeks into master bedroom several times around 4 a.m., I attempt to put PH back into bed. PH sounds as though he is playing in his room to attempt to self entertain
PH: (sounds of contrived crying coming from room)
Next the smell of POO wafts through the air
I wake up Chef to deal with it.
Chef discovers that PH has POOED all over his room, the living room etc. and rubbed it all into the furniture out of sheer rage.
This baffles Chef!! He honestly doesn't know WHY this is happening. He wants to blame it on the Girhippo.
CHEF: Why did you do this??
PH: (now bawling) I dooooooon't knooooooow! I wannnnaaaa go back to Mooooooom's
CHEF: (whisks PH into the shower and starts cleaning him up.
As PH leaves once again for the Girhippo's, he smirks at me behind Chef's back
I start the cleanup process (I should have LEFT it for Chef, but I couldn't stand the smell)
The next day is SUNDAY; Chef picks up PH once again and showers him with toys and junk food. I quietly SEETH.
I am loving all of these! And
I am loving all of these! And some of the stories have led me to another idea.
What DH phrases automatically transfer into: "You don't like my kids" in your mind?
My top two would have to be:
"She's just a KID!"
and
"Sometimes, I just have to be a DAD."
aka on both...YOU don't get it, TwoOfUs, because you don't like the kids and you're not a MOM...
Here's a scene:
I am very rarely sick. And, when I am, I very, very rarely take time off.
I wake up, achy all over, fever, throwing up, sore throat. Incredibly tired. I tell DH I'm taking the day off to rest and get better.
An hour later, he wakes me up to inform me that YSD (who is 10 at the time...now 16) is sick, too...so she's going to be coming over to rest and recover with me since BM teaches and doesn't want to take off work. Isn't that great! Bonding time for my two sick girls!
Of course, DH is gone all day at meetings as well. I pitch a holy fit, which DH thinks is entirely unreasonable. BM drops SD off, DH leaves...and a nasty text war ensues.
ME: "How DARE you!"
DH: "What's the big deal? You were going to be home anyway!"
ME: "I am HOME to rest because I am sick...not to babysit your kid."
DH: "What do you think is going to happen? She's just going to be resting, too...not running around. You won't even know she's there. It's what parents do when their kids are sick..."
ME: "Funny. Neither of her parents are here..."
Etc., etc...you get the picture. At some point, DH tells me I am unkind...and she is "just a kid" and I'm making a big deal for nothing. Of course, SD really isn't very sick and wants to watch TV and chat all day, basically ruining my chance for rest.
And to clarify...these scenes I've written are from the first two years of marriage. DH has gotten MUCH more understanding and has come around to my point of view in recent years, mainly because I left for several months until we had a real heart-to-heart. Dh's understanding makes me better able to tolerate and even, at times, enjoy his kids presence in my life. If he hadn't changed his ways significantly, I wouldn't be here. Still...it's like I have PTSD flashbacks sometimes!
"why u gotta be like
"why u gotta be like that?"
"well THAT was rude!"
"no need to be so d@mn harsh!"
again, all in the first few years just like you. things changed dramatically after WWIII and the "family meeting" between dh, dumb@$$, and all three kids.
How about: "I don't want to
How about: "I don't want to spend the small amount of time I have with them disciplining them."
"I want them to feel comfortable"
And this old chestnut after skids have been blatantly rude (i.e. the invisible StepMom routine--formerly known as "The Ghost Who Cooks Dinner.")
"They're just SHY."
and the classic:
"You're the adult here" or "You're just jealous of the BM/skids." (TM)
I was also called "cruel" by Chef because I thought that bringing up homework on a Friday that was due on Monday was a good idea (just like I did with my own bios)
All great! I TOTALLY forgot
All great!
I TOTALLY forgot "you're the adult" and "I want to have a kid-friendly home!" The second phrase after we'd had skids and multiple friends over non-stop for a week in the time leading up to Christmas and I asked for a break to get shopping and stuff done for HIS KIDS.
Chef demanded that there be
Chef demanded that there be several HUGE candy bowls filled to the brim at all times located throughout the house so the skids could gorge themselves by grazing through several large size bags of candy a day.
Then he wondered why they were hooked on junk food and would never eat a decent home cooked meal.
They are now obese and continue to be hooked on chicken mcnuggets and sweets; which is all their diet consists of seeing the Girhippo was also spoiled as a child (pitied as a COD) and given all that crap as well. She does the same at her house.