Confused
I'm new to this site and new to the stepparent thing. I'm in a relationship about a year now and I love him to pieces. He's such an amazing dad and a wonderful person. He has three kids two from his first marriage they are in their 20s. His two kids and I get along great and I love spending time with them even their mom and I have an amazing relationship. His youngest is 5yrs old and I'm having a little trouble accepting her and feeing love for her. The 4yr olds mother is a absolute horrible nasty woman. She try's everyway to make our life a living hell and try's to withhold his visits from him all because she claims she still loves him. When his daughter is around she tends to stay away from me and sometimes gives me attitude I think a lot of it is from her mother. The daughter is coming over Saturday night and he talked to her on the phone today telling her he's taking her to a movie she asked if it just the two of them. I feel left out and I don't even feel like trying to build a relationship with her. They have a court case coming up soon and I think he wants to try and get custody. I'm really praying he doesn't cause I won't be able to stay with him if he does. I can't. Be a full time mom to someone I don't want a relationship with. I don't know if I feel like this because of the mother because I do care for his other two kids or if I'm being selfish and just wanting all his free time for me. I love this man and want kids of my own with him by the way he's older than me I'm 29 and he's 42. I know the age is a big difference but I truly care about him and want to build my own family with him. I'm I a bad person?
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oh dear..... you have been
oh dear..... you have been dating for a year, not married yet.... sort out the fact about your own bio kids now... do not waste time anymore, make sure he wants more children and get a definite answer, not something like... we can cross that bridge when we get there...
Simply tell him, you are not prepared to raise his 4 year old, you are not the childs mother and you never will be.
Seriously lady sort all of this out, if your BF wants you to be mummy - it will never work, you will live in hell for the rest of your life, ans love is not everything...
13 years age difference is
13 years age difference is nothing... why do you say it's gross?
My son is almost 21, and an
My son is almost 21, and an adult , who he chooses to shack up with is none of my concern.
I will say nothing and act the way I am usually am....
HL, you are on target. OP,
HL, you are on target.
OP, please listen to this chick. She knows her stuff.
Why isn't he dating a woman his own age? Because he wants a woman without baggage. You deserve the same thing.
I know guys like this. My sister is married to one. He has 3 families with 3 different ladies (2 of them are stepsisters). He married my sister when she was in her mid 20s and he was in his early 40s. They had a baby right away. They had another one and another. It wasn't because he likes children so much. He is a HORRIBLE parent. He just likes tying naive women down with children so they can't leave him. Except he is such a crap parent and a crap person that they leave him anyway. He seems like Mr. Wonderful for the first year or two and then his true psycho self is revealed. My sister is looking for a way out right now.
I'm sure your man is wonderful but you need to ask yourself why he is interested in starting a third family. Why did his other marriages fail? Does he have a good relationship with his other children. Is he their friend or their father?
ETA: When they separated for a little while, he started dating a young nurse with no children. Guess he was looking for mom #4.
You are 29 years old, this is
You are 29 years old, this is not the life you want, especially if you want your own family. Especially if he gets custody of the 5 year old, now or anytime in the future (which is always going to be a possibility).
You already feel left out and get attitude from the kid, who's FIVE. It just gets worse, sweetheart. What does your man do when the daughter acts like this?
You are not selfish because you want your own family instead of playing mom to someone elses kid, and if you truly think that's what he will expect from you, all the more reason to get out and find someone else.
RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!
RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are in for many, many years of drama and stress ahead of you. Love can be found again with another person whose situation will not eat away at you. I would say that a huge percentage of us on here would do things very differently had we known what the future held. We all think that our situation will be different. That we can handle it. After years of all the crap even the strongest among us get torn down. Do I love my Dh??? Absolutely, I am wild about him. Do I spend huge chunks of my life now being harassed by his ex, my ex, my in-laws, my ex-in-laws. YES!! Trust me, it gnaws at your soul over time. I hate to be so negative and honestly I wouldn't have listened to anyone who told me any of this either but the advice you get on this site is from people who have been there, done that and we don't want to see other people suffer the way we have. There are very good times but the constant threat of knowing that someone at any given time could start trouble is exhausting. It's like a shadow that follows you and you never can quiet get that knot out of your stomach..... Good Luck!! I wish you well
It's not the age difference
It's not the age difference that's the issue, it's the experience difference. I'm sure he is a great guy and you love him, but you aren't going to love your life together. Trust me when I say a broken heart now may save you a lifetime of unhappiness.