Haven't been there yet, kind of dreading the eventuality. Will only be more BM drama.

As for what the baby should call you, maybe Gramma (your first name). If the GBM has a hissy, let that be her problem. My nieces and nephew have always called me Auntie (my first initial). So I plan to be Gramma my first initial.

I can't imagine trying to step up as a grandparent (which is a notoriously undefined role anyway) while pregnant/raising my own kids! Just nod and smile. And have an idea or two when you check with SD what you are to be called. My DH's SM has asked for Grandma FirstName, so we do that... even though it's a real stretch for a number of reasons.

OSD has 2 kids and MSD has a kid and another on the way. I don't have a relationship with either so I dont have a relationship with the gksids.

MSD had the first gkids and lived close to us and I was a little excited when I found out she was pregnant, thinking that the baby would bring a lot of joy into the family and be a good thing but then MSD kept being MSD so I let go of any excitement pretty quickly. Now I am 100% disengaged from her.

OSD didn't live in our state when she had her kids and I have never been close to her.

I am a grandma to my BD's child but I will be nothing to my SD's child.

Honestly I do not want to be either. I will support DH as grandpa to SD's child, but I do not plan on being an active part in their life. I could feel differently later but as of today nope....

I was a StepGrandma...Notice I said WAS

You are pretty much treated the same way a SM is.
I raised my SD when BM just dumped her off one day at the age of 10.
We had a good relationship until she chose to run away after her BD and I divorced when she was almost 18.
She came back about two years later. We tried to rebuild a relationship but it was clear
that I was only needed when she wanted something. She got pregnant and didn't tell me, I found out through XH but I still tried to be there for her.
After the baby was born she sobbed saying she wanted me in her and GB's life.
I took SD and GB to get first year pics done, threw the 1st bday party because SD was broke, kept GB one weekend a month to help, etc.
Suddenly SD decides BM is the greatest person in the world because money was being thrown at her and I was out.
SD stopped responding to calls, texts or anything.
I haven't seen my GB in 1 1/2 years. Just gone...like that. She moved away and didn't even tell me.
I miss that baby more than anything..and I mourned terribly when I could no longer see him.
I will never forgive her for doing that to him or I.
I don't expect I will be a part of my SS's future childrens lives either. I will just hope that my own BS decides to have children.

My SD's kids are just that - SD's kids.

I think she really wanted me to be a grandma to them but I don't have ANY emotional connection to them at all and rarely see them (or her).

For me, being a step gp hurt. And I've learned that if dysfunction is present before the gskids come along, it will ramp up afterwards.

DH and I haven't seen the gskids for five years, ever since I confronted their narcissist mom about some crappy behavior. I've described it as being in a completely one-way, pay per view relationship; as long as we kept funneling cash to OSD, we got access to the gskids. When I crossed her, OSD knew exactly how to inflict maximum pain. She even sent back all the cards we sent for birthdays and Christmas.

It sounds as if you're already disengaged from the child of your husband's child from his first marriage (see how I worded that?). As you will no doubt be focused on your own long-awaited babies, I'd just completely disregard the babbling of others, keep things light, civil, and distant, and enjoy this time.

I am not emotionally invested in gskids at all. My DH always talks about "our"
Gkids and I just nod. He wants there to be no dysfunction but the truth is that for the first two years the gskids
were used as terrorist weapons of domestic destruction and I just can't or won't forget...

I wonder about this too. I have 2 grandchildren and 1 on the way. My husband decided he did not want them to call him grandpa or any derivative . They call him something else. I wonder what is going to happen when he has his own grandchildren. I know he'll want them to call him grandpa . I think it will confuse my grandchildren. He is the only grandfather figure they know.

I don't concern myself with DH's grandkid. I really couldn't care less about the whole thing.

Not there yet, but I will teach Aergia's kid to call me something else then Granma, I'm not their blood thus I'm not their Gran, sorry it's just maybe me.... but only Deigma's kids will have the privileged to call me Gran...

However if Aergia should get pregnant, I will tease SO to the end of days... Granpa... I will keep on saying, mmm nice to sleep with a Granpa, I have a sugar daddy now.... oh and believe me SO will tease me to the end of life if Deigma should be the first one giving a Grand baby...

I am a grandmother to my SD's son, and will be to her daughter when she is born in a few short weeks. I've been their stepmother for 20+ years and love both of my stepkids dearly. Couldn't imagine life without them.

I am not called anything traditional. In fact, my son-in-law started calling me "Beast" totally in jest, but that's what I am called. Beast. LOL. it's laughed about often. He has a Nana and a Nene and he can't keep them straight but he sure knows who Beast is....