Hi…I read here mostly and have posted a time or two. This is going to be really long. However, I believe to lay it all out so that you all understand what I’m dealing with.
I need some advice re: Thanksgiving…

Back-story…am with my S/O close to 9 years now. He has 3 adult toddlers…SD33 (skank), SD29 (recovering drug addict and alcoholic…maybe?) and SS25 who lives with us (high function Asperger’s).
I have to BS’s 33 & 28 (attorney and business owner… respectively) I also have 2 grands 11 & 2 months).

Skids bio (my perception).
SD33 – a dependent young woman who relies on others to take care of her mostly men. She has been unemployed for the last 3 years. Currently, living with some guy who is just as much a looser as she is. He also happens to be the best friend of her husband that she separated from. No plans to divorce as it’s too expensive. She is her mother’s daughter …lazy trailer trash who thinks living on the arm is normal and always looking for ways to scam the system. When not scamming the system she is playing preying on others with her woe is me stories and tears.

SD29 – currently living out of state in a sober living community. She and I were very close until I realized that she was stealing from me (jewelry & cash) and everyone else around us to support her habit. Including her grand-parents who blamed me (another story). She has made her amends to me but I am not sure that I buy it. I loved her and she lied to me and about me. I guess somewhere in my heart I still care about her. I am however, very wary of her. She seems to be trying to make a go of it. I wish her the best…but…

SS25 – He was living with his mother for the 1st half of mine & SO’s relationship. He came to us about 3 years ago and has made more progress in that short period of time then he made in his whole life. He and I get along well for the most part. It is difficult for me to be “all-in” with him. Unfortunately, his 2 sisters have destroyed me and my ability to be open to a relationship with any of SO’s adult-toddlers.

SD29 is coming home for T-day…the first time she is back in the home since…well, since she was caught with her hands in the cookie jar…so to speak. I have seen her 2 or 3 times since but very briefly. We have spoken on the phone. I do truly believe that she is remorseful of the damage she did to our relationship…doesn’t mean I trust her. She is bringing her boyfriend who seems like a nice enough young man who got caught up in drugs. He is currently sober and going to school for his certification as a counselor.

Of course now SS33 wants to come for T-day dinner…

Wouldn’t be a problem if she hadn’t started a war the last time she came for T-day 3 years ago. I would suck it up for my SO…However…she laughed during grace…was texting on her phone during dinner…proceeded to eat with her hands like an animal…not to mention all the nasty and mean spirited crap that came out of mouth prior to sitting down at the dinner table. Mean…mean…mean…she was snickering over the fact that her boss’s wife just suffered her 5th miscarriage…verbatim: “why should that b88tch have a kid…I need a raise first”...said prior to sitting down to dinner. Needless, to say I lost my shit…I think rightfully so.

By the time the texting at dinner started I was pissed. I asked her to put the phone down to which she replied…” it’s my phone” …with a spoiled rotten smirk. Full well knowing that her Dad would not support me in front of the rest of his family. Heaven forbid he took my back and pissed off his kid.
I replied “might be…but this is my house and I pay the bills…my rules…we don’t laugh through grace…nor do we text at the dinner table or eat with our hands like animals. I didn’t mention what she said about her bosses’ wife…until later.

She got up from the table…and stomped on her stiletto’s out the door and proceeded to go on Facebook and say “that she would rather spend the day with her alcoholic mother then a minute of her time with a b88tch who’s food tasted like pig slop” She blocked me YAY…but her Dad as well. She also swore that she would never step foot in our house again…lasted about 8 months…shucks!
SO is the typical Disney Dad that I have read about here so often. This incident almost caused us to break-up. After dealing with SD29’s lying and stealing and having SS25 moving in with here… I really felt like I was done. I didn’t and still don’t believe that he has my back 110%...for me that is a huge issue!!!

There is so much more but…current dilemma.

Both of my son’s while they like SO for the most part. They are not happy with the way his daughters have treated me.

My BS28 wants to join us for T-day with his wife and new baby…kind of surprised since his wife is pretty enmeshed with her family but I am thrilled that they want to come.
I have no fear of my son not knowing how to act…but I do have some concerns re: my DIL who for the most part is a COD with a princess entitlement. She and I do not see eye to eye. I know that she is looking for any excuse to not be a part of my biological family. Any drama caused by SO’s kids and I am sure there will be. It will give her ammunition to be used against us.

I do not get to see my son or GD often…as I said she is enmeshed with her family and my son is puy$$y whipped. Any drama will lend support to her cause.

Most important is that I do not want my GD to be around the crap either.

I do not want to cook for SD33!!!

My SO said that he will do all the cooking.

Doesn’t matter…I still do not want to be around all of them!
I have thought of a variety of ways to handle this…go to a restaurant…use my ex’s kitchen (he won’t be there)…or just tell my son and his family to make other plans.

Now here is the thing…

While this might be SD’s childhood home…she nor her mother have lived here for going on 12 years. I clean the toilets! I contribute 50% to the upkeep of this house.

I do not want to be forced out of my home because of her…if I go she wins! On the other hand; I do not want my son and his family exposed to any crap…as I said I have a very tenuous relationship with my DIL at best.

What would you do?