Do you feel that your child is violent? Honest appraisal. If not you need to choose your child and leave.

Many may not agree with me but your child is your number one responsibility. My husband was raised by a woman who married to abusive men and one was a drunk who neglected his own child when he was supposed to watch husband's baby sister and was passed out drunk when my husband got home from school. The step dad got physical once again with my husband and he ended up cleaning the step dad's clock. His mom was so concerned with keeping a man that she put a drunk who couldn't hold down a job ahead of her son for years. That is hard on a kid.

My husband knows I love him and he also knows my number one responsibilty is to raise my son to be a good respectful man and is totally on board with that. He wishes his mother had thought that way. They are both my number one, just in different capacities.

Well now that we know BS actually did shoulder check you, and has done it in the past to DH, the way DH handled it wasn't all that out of line. I don't really think the police needed to be called for a shoulder check though.

BS definitely needs counseling before his anger escalates and to deal with the family dynamic that is occurring in your home.

Obviously you and DH need it too.

If BS shoulder checked you then the police did need to be called. I thought it was odd when you posted it the first time. My foster mom hip checked me once too, right down the stairs.

It really does sound like BS needs some help with anger issues. Duh is doing what he needs to protect himself and his kid. If you don't want the police to take your kid then you need to do the same.

Hon - get a separation.... you and DH are not doing any child good not each other...

your BS needs to get out of there, so do you....

and FRuit called it... she said you and DH will have along talk and all will be good....

it's not.... get out your son needs to get out... you are not even aware of him shouldering DH, you think it was an accident..... now your son admits to it all ? You are walking blind through the house...get away and get perspective

Just going to copy and paste from last post...

I am sure your son probably did shoulder check you. I am equally as sure that he immediately regretted it and that it won’t happen again due to the fall out. (police) IMHO…A shoulder check is not like he punched you in the face but still not a good thing to do to your mother. Truthfully…I probably would want to shoulder check you too if I was your kid. Think about his last month. He went from having a very involved SF to one that is mentally shitting on him every chance he gets. Your DH is purposely hurting your kid to get to you.

Sit them both down and have the following convo….

To DS …. I don’t know if you shoulder checked me or not, but let me tell you something…if something like that ever happens again, “I” will make you wish that someone would call the cops to save your little butt from ME.

To DH … I will not be going on vacation with you and your kids. There a few reasons and we will NOT rehash them. And from now on all parental duties are on the bio parent. The step parents should just be like friendly, respectful, Aunts and Uncles.

IMHO…your DH is abusing your son. Shame on you if you let it go on for ONE more minute.

And please note the very last sentence of my post above.

What he is going to divorce you, if a child does not follow the nonnegotiable rules? This is about the craziest thing/consequence any father could think of to use. How horribly insensitive of your husband and you to even think this is realistic...It is time to stop, it just is...

You seriously need to go, go now. He is planning to divorce you anyway, given this statement. It is going to happen, eventually, you might as well initiate and not waste your valuable time trying to fix something you cannot.

Get your BS out of this home immediately, get him counseling for his anger, and move on, there is a happier life out there waiting for you to join in....

I do not blame SD for calling 911 if this home is violent by anybody, I would want my child to do the same thing.

1. You can't tell the SD to not call 911. If she feels the situation is out of control (and it sounds like it is)... she should do what she feels is needed to be safe.

2. Your BS by his own admission has been lashing out (shoulder checking) at both your DH and you. He may be angry, but hasn't he been taught that physical aggression is not the solution to his problems? You seem to want to give him a pass.. and that's not right

3. Your DH isn't behaving too much better with his "TWO month" ultimatum. I get it, he feels like his custody is in jeopardy if he continues to allow your son to cause chaos in the home. Stuff like that is just fuel for the BM to get full custody. I guess that is the reason for his over reaction.

4. I also am slightly reluctant to allow a child to break up his parent's relationship through bad behavior. you let him break you and DH up and this will be your life with every future man while your son is around.

5. Counseling is a must... both for your SON and for the family as a whole. The punishment of 2 months isn't reasonable. I think a week is plenty long to teach a lesson. Beyond that, it's likely the punishment won't be meaningful anyway. I might even suggest that he not be allowed to go on his family vacation. Harsh but it will be a short but painful reminder that his actions were not appropriate. You and he can bond while DH and his kids go to the theme parks.

As I understand it, this kid is 14-15 years old and pi$$ed as heck at his stepdad who treats him like crap. Who made him miss his 8th grade trip because he wouldn't (not couldn't) be bothered to take him somewhere. And who treats his idiot kids markedly better. He even colludes against the BS with the his creepy daughter.

This kiddo does belong in therapy--in fact the whole family does if you all want to stay together. But please don't infer that I think you should. I think your husband is nothing but a terrorist, and I don't negotiate with terrorists.

I can understand him setting limits, including that your kid shouldn't be body checking you or displaying any other violent behavior in the home, but what he's doing is pushing this child past his 14-15 year old emotional limits and then rejoicing in his inability to cope in a rational way. He's bullying your boy into bad behavior and then playing victim when he acts out.

I think your BS probably did shoulder check you on purpose. I think he deserves to be punished, but on your terms, not on your DH's terms. Do you get to punish SD or set the consequences for her? Of course your BS is angry, he is living in a nightmare. Your DH sounds like an ass. And, I don't buy the idea that your son shoulder checked SF several times and he didn't react. Then he just flies off the handle. That makes no sense to me. And even if it did happen, why did SF wait for it to escalate to tell you. He is setting you up.

And another thing that bothers me about this whole situation is that your DH told your son that he had to choose between a family vacation with your or seeing his other side of the family. Why can't you go on vacation on another weekend. If I am not mistake, your kid is the one who missed a trip to Orlando because of you and your DH's game of disengagement. Do you not realize that your DH dangling this trip in front of him is like salt in the wound? Why would you just sit back and let this happen?

The bad thing is your son is acting out and angry. And your DH is capitalizing on this. He is using your son to get to you. You need to step up and make some changes before this escalates and your BS gets in some real trouble.

I may be the only one but I do not see a stinking should check as violent. Physical yes, but not violent. That is way dramatic. Especially from 13-14 year old kid.

Both of these parents need to stay away from the others kids. The Dad is no better than the mom and the mom is no better than the dad.

Don't put your bad marriage on your kids shoulders. The kid has enough to deal with. Let you dh go on his vacation, pack your stuff up and leave.

I have kids with my dh, but if he ever said anything to me about our kids must do something or our marriage would end, I would be throwing his crap out, calling a locksmith, and have his papers served to him at work. I don't put bm's needs before my kids, I don't put skids needs before my kids, period. But that is just me.

Please go to your doctor (general practitioner) and ask for a mental health referral. Don't go to a religious counsellor. This situation requires proper professional advice.

If you don't want to do this, skip the counselling and go directly for a legal consult for a divorce.

This situation is a complete mess.

Are you done yet? Now that things have escalated this far? You and your DH haven't had respect or trust in one another for a while now. You both are just two families living in a room-mate style living arrangement. You have to see now that it doesn't matter what you do or what he does, you both are holding onto your grudges against one another and refusing to wipe the slate completely clean. You immediately thought your DH was being maliciously towards your son, you immediately thought your SD called the police as a way to set your kid up...Well your DH didn't make your son react that way-he did that on his own. Instead of supporting his parenting when your son HIT you, you immediately jumped to his defense. THATS THE PROBLEM. You two will both put your own kids first instead of being Husband and Wife first.

As I write this though, I get the feeling that even if your son was hauled away that night, you would still be on here hawing away about how your DH did this and SD did that and how terrible THEY are instead of saying: I am leaving, I have done this to change this and I've done that to change that and I won't be living like this anymore. As of right now, your refusal to change and wallow in it is just waisting all of our time.

You and your DH need to be somewhat on the same page when it comes to parenting.

Your teenage son essentially assaulted you. We can call it something else, but that's basically what it boils down to.

Your husband didn't like your son assaulting you, which is perfectly normal.

If using violence is not a new (as in this is literally the first time ever) problem for your teenage son, then your husband probably feels that the "scared straight" response is in order.

I guess the thing you have to ask yourself is: What is MY preferred response when my teenage son assaults me or someone else? How would you like your DH to respond? Tell your husband that and see if you can agree on how you respond if this happens again.

Everyone involved in this situation is hurt, angry, and frustrated. Things are spiraling out of control. You need to defuse the situation or something really bad is going to happen from which there is no recovery.

Take your son out of there for a while. Stay with a family member or friend or at a residential hotel. There needs to be physical separation because every movement, every look, every word spoken is the potential spark to the next explosion.

Then get help. You are in no position to work through this mess by yourselves. You need a skilled, unbiased third party to facilitate if you are ever going to get beyond the pain and resentment that has built up over the last six months. Don't even TRY to talk about this until you are in front of a counselor.

Don't say you can't do these things. There are no valid excuses so don't make any.

You are just going to leave your son there until his life is completely destroyed aren't you? Can your son go live with his Dad full time? You should already have the 2 of you out of there and you are going to cower to dh's demands?

2 month grounding is too long. Counseling is a good idea.

Well that was constructive for a second-until the power trip kicked in. How would DH take to you treating SD like that?

I feel like he needed to call a side bar and discuss this with you more before handing all that power over to SD an backing her up like that especially when BS has admitted his fault. I think he may have opened and can of worms with SD who may take that "power" to call 911 over any little thing. Your BS is a teenager right? There's bound to be some fights-albeit not physical, but he needs to lay down the law with her too. Physical is physical, normal teenage/preteen disagreements don't fall into that's category and if she starts abusing that ability then she needs consequences.

"dh has reassured him that he does love him"

BS! Nobody here loves anyone. dh does not love your son or you or he would not have refused to give him a simple lift and bs is smart enough to know it. You do not love your dh or you wouldn't have prioritized your freaking car over your dh begging you to please help him out in a pinch (ever hear of plastic garbage bags? you could have lined the whole d car with them if needed). And nobody loves the bratty sd who has been given carte blanche power to do whatever the h she wants around there.

It feels like your son (and even sd) has been dropped in the middle of some sick experiment where you and dh take 2 kids and put them in the most toxic environment possible and see just how quickly and severely you can destroy them and drive them to the most base behavior. It is mazerunner like. I am going to go further and say that if you do not rescue your son from this situation NOW that you do not love him either and I'm sure this is what is tearing him apart more than anything.

I'm sorry if that is harsh but you need a wake up call. Please come back and let us know you have rescued your son from this.