SD11's lies and manipulation of DH and BM is behind it all
Had the joy last night of watching the lies and manipulation pour out of SD11 to DH and I could see right through the WHOLE story.
DH buys school supplies for his son, and BM buys for SD, its always been that way! Bma nd DH agreed to it years ago and that has always been the financial plan. BUT BM bought a house this summer and now suddenly SD11 want DH to buy her supplies.
She came home last night, list in hand.
"Glassslipper, here is my list, are you going to take me to get my supplies tomorrow"
I told her I need to talk to DH about it first.
She continues on once DH enters the room to inform us that she wants us to buy supplies this year because she thought it would be: "fair if we bought her supplies and BM bought her clothes"
BTW: were a 50/50 custody so the clothes we buy stays at our house and the clothes BM buys stays at her house and SD11 knows this because she had habitual issues with BM texting her and telling her to pack up ALL the new clothes DH just bought her and bring them to BM's house, we just ended the 3 year battle with that problem!
So then I ask, "where did you get the school supply list?"
SD11 starts to inform me that they handed it out on the last day of school and that they ALWAYS do. LIE, I have 3 kids in the same school and they NEVER EVER handed out a list for next year, its online and you can print it yourself, they DO NOT waste the paper and never have!
Then I follow it up with: "Where is your back pack from last year?
Because the last day of school SD11 came home, her backpack and all the paperwork is at our house, I know it, I've seen it all summer sitting there. SD11 claims she doesn't know, then I tell her to look where it is and sure enough its there.
So then I ask, so you left your back pack and ALL your papers here and just brought the school supply list to your Mom's?
SD11: "Um, well, no, I don't know how that happened, well maybe they didn't hand it out on the last day, maybe it was a few days before"
LIES all lies. I'm not stupid, we have been through this before, BM doesn't want to spend the money to care for her daughter and is now manipulating her daughter to lie and manipulate DH to buy the supplies. The list came right from online, BM printed it and handed it to SD11 and said make sure you have your Dad buy these.
AND she didn't want to lie strait to DH's face so she targeted me FIRST!
WTF kind of woman KEEPS doing this to her kid! And why am I targeted as the weak point and DH just sits there and lets SD11 lie about the whole thing and does nothing.
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You would not believe the
You would not believe the lies BM got my SD to tell us.
Some people have no morals, no class, no conscience, and no concern about teaching their kids how to lie and manipulate.
Oh BM manipulated her to LIE
Oh BM manipulated her to LIE to her Dad for sure.
This isn't the first time either.
BM got fired right before X-mas, and then when the kids got ready to go back to school SD came down from her room with the school lunch calendar and had all the days crossed off.
Claiming "I don't like any of these meals, I need to take cold lunch this month"
WTF?
Even SS14 said " you have been eating those all year long, now you suddenly don't like them?"
LIES it was all LIES!
BM was low on money, didn't want to pay for school lunch so told SD to have her Dad pack a lunch so she didn't have to pay for her hot lunch money.
She is a 4 year degree professional, she makes good money, WTF?
You said BM got fired.. then
You said BM got fired.. then you said she made good money..so I am a little confused.
Just because she had been eating something previously may not mean she necessarily liked it.
I actually don't think it's all that unusual for kids to frame things in a way that they think will be more successful.
For example my 17 stepdaughter came to me and asked if I would take her to get Birth Control Pills because "my periods are irregular, flow is heavy and I have cramps".
Ok..
1. Nice excuses cupcake but I KNOW you are dating that douche and you want to "do it" with him.
2. No, way, will I get myself involved in helping you get birth control pills, your mother would crucify me. It would be way worse than the time I took you to get your first pedicure and your mom had a fit because you are HER daughter and that was something SHE should have been able to do with you.
IDK.. are school supplies and some sandwiches a huge expense? Maybe if BM lost her job or whatever she is tight on money? If it isn't a huge amount, maybe it isn't worth a big fight and your DH just goes ahead and buys the supplies.
I will be honest, my DH would sometimes pay the nickle and dimes instead of fighting with BM about it. Like health care costs that were supposed to be split but BM never paid her half.. going to court would have been more expensive than just going ahead and sucking up and paying the bills in full. Not fair, but sometimes it's the lesser of 2 evils.
BM makes good money, however
BM makes good money, however she hit a client and got fired in November last year, she was able to find a new job but it took 6 weeks to start her new job, so there was some financial downtime for her, she is working now.
Its really not about the bills, the cost of cold lunch is maybe 20.00 a month, we have 50/50 custody.
the cost of the school supplies is 85.00 total.
ITS NOT THE COST.
The point is that BM doesn't want to pay what she agreed on, so she sets her little daughter up with the "poor pitty me, I can't afford it, I need you to 1) have Dad pack your lunch till I can afford lunch money for you 2) pack up all the new clothes Dad just bought you and sneak them home or 3) I need you to have you ask your Dad to buy your school supplies, here is the list"
And she comes home and lies right to our faces as BM has instructed her to do.
Its not the money, its putting a child in the middle, playing the victim and getting her to lie to her father to please her mother.
Not to mention BM is a raging alcoholic she drops over 100.00 a night at the bar on the weekends and 15 to 20 a night on wine, so maybe she could use that money for her kids
What a crappy situation the
What a crappy situation the kid is in. It doesn't sound like she is lying to try to be underhanded on her own.
This is what should happen and the fantastic thing is you don't have to be involved at all. I mean, the money is irrelevant right so whatever your husband decides it shouldn't financially be a problem.
He needs to sit down one on one with his daughter and tell her that she doesn't have to LIE to get him to do things. If she needs money for food or school supplies, all she has to do is be honest with him. She doesn't need to make up stories.
Maybe mom's financial situation isn't as rosy as you think. Maybe she is drinking up the child support pmts? I mean, that's all wrong but why should the kid go hungry or not have pencils for school if your husband can easily afford to fix the problem.
I KNOW it sucks. Every nickle that my DH's ex refused to pay for medical bills (thousands of dollars) stuck in my craw. I was actually the one making up the difference most often from MY salary. Same with buying school clothes for the girls. I often took it upon myself to get them things because their mom just wouldn't spend money on them. Fair? No.. but both of the girls appreciate the lengths we went to to make sure they didn't go without even if their mother was not responsible.
YES!!! exactly my point! DS11
YES!!! exactly my point!
DS11 sat there covering one lie after another because BM refuses to buy the things she NEEDS (these are not wants, its not a new video game, these are basic NEEDS)
And sets her up to go to Dad and FLAT OUT LIE to get him to do it.
SICK SICK SICK BM!
It sounds like time for some
It sounds like time for some home truths to be uttered to sd and then to call BM out on her tactics. Show Sd any paper work you have detailing thier agreements as to how costs are split then tell her that as a child she should not have to worry about the costs of essentials and if her mother is having problems then she needs to contact her ex directly rather than go through her kid. Then go to BM and say exactly the same thing. Let her know that manipulating thier daughter in that way is not acceptable and adult issues need to be delt with by the adults.
That is the plan, I'm taking
That is the plan, I'm taking her tonight to get the supplies.
Still sucks that this woman does this to her kid and teaches her to lie to her father to please her mother.
Good idea. I also wonder if I
Good idea.
I also wonder if I just give in and buy the supplies like BM wants, will that confirm to BM that her plan worked, and perpetuate the problem more.
I guess time will tell.
Love that idea! Really LOVE
Love that idea!
Really LOVE the ENDING!!!
"Please don't put us in this position again."
I love it!
I also wonder if I just give
I also wonder if I just give in and buy the supplies like BM wants, will that confirm to BM that her plan worked, and perpetuate the problem more.
I believe the lying and manipulation does need to be addressed. Not in a blaming way, she was obviously put up to it, but she's old enough to know that it's wrong. She needs to know that it's not the way one should go about life, it's not the way to get what one wants.
DH and I talked about it last
DH and I talked about it last night, I had it all priced out and planned to take SD last night BUT, DH said NO, BM and I have an agreement, its been on going for many years and its BM's responsibility so, its a no go.
SD was told "its your moms responsibility, she needs to take you to get supplies"