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ASS and the Final Countdown

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 9:35am

First time with Therapist in a long time last night. We spent the session talking about. what else, ASS and his impending departure from Frank's house on the west side of our state.

He has to be out by August 17 - Frank's family is taking a small vacation before he leaves for college and ASS is not invited. We know from the monitoring software that he has been scouring Craigslist looking for a room to rent. The hitch? It has to be within walking distance of the grocery store where he works, as he doesn't have a drivers license, and it has to be affordable.

While DH can see lots of activity in looking for a place to live, he doesn't see anything indicating that ASS is getting any responses. As it's a little more than two weeks away, DH is getting very nervous, understandably so.

In true Therapist fashion, we played "What's the worst that can happen?" followed by a rousing game of "What can you actually do about it?" I do feel bad for DH - he believes, as do I, that ASS's pride will continue to get the best of him and he will have no place to live.

DH decided that he would wait a few days and then text ASS asking how things are going with respect to finding a place to live. If ASS says he can't find a place, then DH will offer him a few choices if he wants DH's help. We haven't yet discussed what those options will be, BUT I got pissed when DH said, "well, WOB won't let him back in the house." I said, "NOPE! Not having that, I said he could live with us if he follows the house rules, which he chose not to do."

Therapist had my back, reminding DH that ASS is the one who made the decision to leave, that he absolutely could have stayed in the house, had he simply agreed to the conditions.

I can't imagine how it would feel to know that your kid has limited housing options and could literally have no place to live in two weeks, but once again, not my fucked up circus and certainly not my ASShole monkey.

Comments

RayRay's picture

Submitted by RayRay on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 9:44am

Yes, tough love his tough on everybody. It is not easy to make someone you love pay the consequences for their choices. In the long run it will help them make better choices though.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 10:04am

No, ASS knew that Frank's house was only temporary. BUT, I think ASS thought he would be making enough money and that finding a place to live would be easier than it's turning out to be.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 10:05am

that is not true. I haven't said no. WE have said that he could live in our home as long as he was willing to live with the conditions that we laid out.

He wasn't.

kathc's picture

Submitted by kathc on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 11:07am

ROFLMAO

I can't stand people who hashtag everything they post on FB.

Have you ever noticed that it's usually crazy bitches that do it?

notasm3's picture

Submitted by notasm3 on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 10:33am

So what? I refused to let SS30 move in with us the many times he's been homeless. He always finds someplace to crash for the night.

Hasn't hurt my marriage at all. I can GUARANTEE that my marriage would have been OVER if SS had ever moved in.

bearcub25's picture

Submitted by bearcub25 on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 2:07pm

I have to agree with this poster. If I haven't been firm in not allowing SS16 to live with us following his release from a treatment center, DSO would have had him there in a heartbeat, even though DSO knew he couldn't monitor him 24/7 and work.

SS trashed his Mothers new rental last week. BM refused to allow him back and the courts told DSO unless he quit his job, SS couldn't live with him. SS is back in juvie after being out only 6 months and 2 weeks.

Even tho DSO knows the boy has severe issues, has had them all his life, he would still risk a heart attack instead of saying no to the demon spawn.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 10:06am

Well, ASS is about 200 miles away from us, so the prospects of him showing up on our porch to sleep are slim to none Smile

notasm3's picture

Submitted by notasm3 on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 10:39am

The beauty of living in a very secure condo (gated, guard, codes for elevator) is no one sleeping on my doorstep. Smile Smile Smile Or if he managed to sneak in literally dozens of people would be calling the cops.

kathc's picture

Submitted by kathc on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 11:12am

A rental agent isn't going to let ASS rent one of their listings. He's been at his job for, what, two months? He doesn't make much money and he's young. And he doesn't have parents willing to co-sign. (Honestly, I don't think any parent should co-sign. It's called being a grown up and going out on their own!)

ASS needs to find a boarding house where he can rent a room or someone who needs a roommate. What he should be doing is asking around at work to see if anyone there needs a roommate--then he'd have a ride to work, too. But maybe he can't allow himself to submit to their schedule. Blum 3

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 9:51am

wob -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jK-NcRmVcw

sorry, i could not resist!!!!! you might suggest your dh mail him a tent. i've dealt with LOTS of people over the years who have fallen on rough times and have had to tent it out for a while in one of the three or four tent cities around here.

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 9:55am

oooo, also section 8 information might be useful to send him also. i would even agree to cover the deposit if it keeps him away from your home!!!

Icansorelate's picture

Submitted by Icansorelate on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 10:01am

stay strong and make as many appointments with the therapist as you can to help DH through this.

Ass needs the tough love. It is the only way he will learn.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 10:07am

Yeah - we are ALL in agreement that tough love is what the kid needs. Doesn't make it any easier on DH, though.

Therapist thinks that rock bottom is still a ways away, and I agree.

I have no problems with ASS reaping what he has sown, but it KILLS me to watch my DH go through the worry and the concern.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 10:36am

Oh, Fruity! I was watching "I Am Chris Farley" (an excellent documentary on him, btw) on Tuesday night and DH came in when he saw the Second City clips of Matt Foley.

He turned to me and said, "that's where ASS will end up" and then he twisted from side to side and hitched up his pants.

I loved Matt Foley, Motivational Speaker and I miss watching Chris Farley.

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

Submitted by NoWireCoatHanga... on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 10:34am

First, last, and security deposits are also Big big hurdles to overcome. They take people months to come up with just to move in. I work in the utility industry and that too is a pretty darn big deposit. Its two months average bill or $300.

Maybe he could find a room to rent. But the thing about those is they usually have rules too.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 10:38am

He is looking for rooms to rent and also responding to ads looking for housemates.

There is a college in FriendTown, so there's lots of student type housing and students with whom he could live.

Who knows what he will do? Certainly not I...

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 10:46am

UGH…Im afraid your DH is going to blame you for skid not being able to come home.

I do have a question…does ass know that DH is monitoring his online use? If not…is it even legal that he is doing that? Ass is an adult that does not live at home. I would think your DH could get in great trouble if ass ever found out he was spying on his online activity.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 12:03pm

No ASS does not know. The computer is ours. We can do what we want with and to it.

There is no "trouble" to be getting into.

notsobad's picture

Submitted by notsobad on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 11:02am

Why not stop with the monitoring software?

If DH didn't know what Ass was up to maybe he'd be less worried?

I know I've made myself crazy creeping BMs FB and watching the progress of her house. It's easier to not think about things if they aren't in your head in the first place.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 12:06pm

We have had that discussion. The biggest thing for DH right now is to stay on top of whether or not ASS is reaching out to Medusa. DH does NOT want that shit to come pouring through our home again.

He also uses it as a means to keep tabs on ASS - I get why he does it and I also get why you feel the way you do about it.

ASS isn't terribly responsive to DH via text, so the monitoring gives DH some peace about what's going on with him.

His journals give DH insight into what ASS is thinking, and I get why he wants to keep on top of things.

notsobad's picture

Submitted by notsobad on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 5:28pm

It's a double edged sword for sure. I get why he wants to know what's happening, as much as we say 18 year olds are adults, they are still mostly children when it comes to making decisions and living life.

I hope Ass learns some life skills and quickly.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Wed, 08/03/2016 - 5:33am

Yes, you are correct. It is a double edge sword. But, as you say, just because they're 18 doesn't mean they make good decisions, and we all know that ASS makes very immature and not terribly well thought out decisions.

The next couple weeks will be very interesting around here

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Wed, 08/03/2016 - 8:21am

EXACTLY! Hell, Thing1 and Thing2 are 21 and they still make stupid decisions...

Still, it's so much easier to want to help out when they make a dumb decision because they aren't ungrateful ASSholes who spent two years making my life a living hell.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Wed, 08/03/2016 - 8:34am

yep - except he IS a douchebag.

Part of me wants him to find Medusa. I have a feeling the two of them would be very happy together.

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 12:05pm

*snorty*
}:)

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 12:05pm

Well, if ASS wasn't such an ass, a stubborn ass at that, he'd have a place to live.

If he had been raised to have manners and some respect for others (like his own DAD), he'd have a place to live. If he had ANY respect for his dad, he'd show respect for you and your rules, whether he likes you or not.

Oh, well. Some have to learn the hard way.

I do feel bad for your DH but then, again, he allowed this to happen. If parents are going to let their kids make their own rules, they have to let them make their own way, too.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 12:10pm

EXACTLY!!!!!

It really is that simple. ASS is the one who put himself here, and DH did as much as he could to stop it, but let's face it - you can't ever make another person do anything....

Jlbfinch's picture

Submitted by Jlbfinch on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 1:02pm

Hopefully he figures something out. I know how tough it is to be barely out of high school and struggling to make it in the world. Both me and my DH did it, although we were a little older (19). Crappy apartments, couch surfing, no food, having to start and stop college so much you think a degree is out of reach, seeing your credit go down the drain, etc. 19-23 was brutal until we found better paying jobs finally. It's tough bc that's right around the age so many of our peers were graduating with four year degrees and you can't help but feel like you screwed yourself over by not putting college first.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 1:24pm

ASS doesn't think he needs to go to college. He thinks those who work for "the man" are chumps who are simply not bright enough to start their own company and make millions!!

Says the skid who is making minimum wage bagging groceries.

Rock on with your broke ASS self, ASS!

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 1:23pm

Duct tape armor is probably the worst kind of armor to have!

Life is going to have to kick this kid in the ASS, and you're correct, the best lessons learned are those learned the hard way.

bearcub25's picture

Submitted by bearcub25 on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 2:12pm

You could try what I did to get my son and DIL to finally become adults. After they lived in their car for 6 months, I helped with rent on conditions of working and showing me they were off the drugs and trying to grow up. They met those conditions and then we made more conditions until they finally became adults and made it on their own. My version of tough love with a side helping of Motherly love.

I know many on here think, 'You are 18, do it on your own', its ridiculous the amount it takes to live on your own now a days, there is no shame in giving a helping hand when it is needed. By your DH, of course, not you.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Tue, 08/02/2016 - 2:31pm

I think if ASS wasn't such an ASS, DH might be more inclined to offer some support. But, he does not want to help an ASShole, ungrateful, entitled brat and I support that.

You are correct, there is no shame in giving a helping hand, but I only help people who actually want the help and are grateful for it.

DH feels the same way.