Feeling Dis-Respected
My husband and I have raised his boys and majority of that time my husband was in Iraq. Leaving me home alone to do it all. I didn't mind because I loved his boys just like they were my biological children. Now, 11 years later one has left for college which we couldn't be more proud of. The college of choice is 6 hours away, we provided him a place to stay, a vehicle, cell phone,good to eat. We pay all the bills.
A few months back he decided t9 move in with his gf and her family against mine and my husband's wishes. (the gf is still in high school) We spoke with her Mom letting her know our disapproval but she still allowed it.
Now, my son doesn't answer any of our texts, phone calls, and has blocked us on social media.
Yes, we are still paying for his vehicle insurance and cell phone. I personally pay for his health benefits through my employer.
My husband says he is grown and we can't make him come home or not live with this gf family.
He is 19 has a certification from Tech School and the means to make good money but chooses to be a lifeguard at the water park where his high school gf works.
I feel like my husband is enabling our son to do this by continuing to pay for everything. He is not grown if we are paying his bills!!
Plus he made our oldest son & daughter pay their bills while they went to college and still lived at home.
I feel my husband is allowing our son to disrespect me and him by ignoring all communication.
Love Them Anyway
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Comments
The ATM needs to be shut
The ATM needs to be shut down.
He's choosing to work at a menial job meant for high school kids. He'll never do anything else with his life as long as daddy is paying his bills so he doesn't have to earn the money to pay them himself.
Your DH needs to tell him he's got 30 days to take over the payments because the wallet is being closed.
He's right, you can't make him come home or not live with his gf because he's grown. By the same token, you shouldn't be paying his bills because he's an adult now. If he doesn't have a car or phone and his shitty job doesn't allow for enough money to pay for those things he will get a better job.
Or, your DH can keep paying and your ss will be the creepy 40 year old working at the water park with the teenagers and still not able to support himself.
Thank you for your reply. I
Thank you for your reply. I agree 100%
It is truly causing friction in my marriage.
IF you are carrying his
IF you are carrying his health insurance you get to make that call. You CAN cover him until he is 26. You don't HAVE to. So inform him (30+ days notice) that from xyz date he will be removed from your medical insurance. And I would start with a registered letter. Sure it costs you a few $$s however you will have proof someone at GFs house signed for the letter. You can include details like "As you have finished Tech College and are making your own decisions yet ignoring the hand that feeds you in 45 days (allow some lee way for the mail etc) your medical insurance coverage will cease. If you wish to discuss this with me please contact me at blah blah blah blah. I hope to hear from you soon. This is my decision and not your fathers."
If your DH makes a fuss just tell him this is your decision as his son has not had the respect and conviction of his opinions to take on real grown up behaviour. DH can continue to pay his bills however you control the health insurance contribution. And if he continues to support his adult son co-habiting with his high school girl friend you will withhold the amount he subsidizes his son from the household budget.
Also I suspect he knows you are angry with him and is MIA.
Cancel his phone bill and see
Cancel his phone bill and see how fast he unblocks your husband. Stop payment on his insurance and stop giving him anything else. You don't agree with his lifestyle but you kind of still support it by being his financial backbone. If he thinks he's grown up enough without your help then stop helping him. Your DH was right he a grown up and you can't make him come back home, but if he is such the grown up then why is daddy still cushioning reality for him. Your DH isn't doing his son any favors by letting him live in this fake reality where everyone just gives him what he wants and he can take things from people but also ignore them at the same time.