You're not alone, a lot of women in step situations feel everything that you're feeling.

Wait and see what the doctor says.

(((HUGS)))

We've been trying since we got married in 2010.

I don't think it's in the cards for me. I grieved for a long time when Skid was little, those first few years that I didn't get pregnant. I also started telling people that I don't want kids - because why want something that you can't have. I realized that wasn't a healthy way for me to deal after a few years but haven't found a good way to deal with people's questions - You would be amazed how many strangers and acquaintances think it's okay to ask me questions about my ovaries lol. Not cool.

Well, I thought I was well through my grieving process when my MIL made a snarky comment about wanting more grandchildren when we were at her house this past Christmas. I started sobbing at her kitchen table. My own mother - birther of four kids - informed me this year on my birthday that I am now the age she was when she had me. Cue irrational anger and sadness. Maybe it's always going to be like this, I don't know. I can imagine DH and myself happy without our own kid. We would like to have a kid together, but if we can't- we can't and we will go on more travels instead.

It's only been a year. Some times it does take longer to conceive and that does not necesarily mean that you never will be able to. Get the tests done and figure it out. Start journaling, garden, cook, take martial arts - whatever you're into that's fun for you.

I have anger about my lack of a bio child. I have a lot of it, actually, and I don't face that fact as often as I should. Mostly, I am still able to love the skids, and I am never mean to them. But sometimes, deep down, I hate them and they disgust me...as does DH who made them. I know this is irrational, and I am always right there again if they need me, worried for them, helping them out. It's like this anger/sadness exists in an entirely different place that has little to do with my day-to-day life.

I do know that DH is happier with me and that he loves me deeply, which helps. I also know he is sooooooo happy to be rid of BM. No mystical "mother of my children" crap from him. If anything, he's disgusted by that fact and worried for his kids because of it.

Even so, the anger is real and it goes deep. Hugs...hope.

You are not coming across psychotic at all. Bitterness is reasonable and expected given the situation you are in.
Being a childless not by choice, stepmother is a special kind of hell.
Because you are alone in the grief, he has a child already, so you are the only one in the relationship looking down the barrel of a childless life. Sure he won't have a child with you but it's not the same level of loss.

I'm going through the same thing, 2 miscarriages and just found out today that my odds of IVF are very small. My SO will spend this weekend away with his daughter, experiencing the joy of parenthood while I'm home alone. It sucks.

If I'd had the tests and gone down that path a year earlier my odds would be higher ( I might still try though).

So I urge you don't wait, get the tests, get the information while you still have options.

Love and support to you. If you want to talk PM me

It took my 6 years to get pregnant between DS10 and DD4. We were trying to get pregnant. It wasn't happening. I was young and already had one child so the medical community wasn't overly concerned for a long time. It was very hard watching all these other women get pregnant so easily. I literally would scream inside every time that someone else announced their pregnancy. When it finally happened, all those feelings disappeared. This was before I was a stepmom and I was just as angry as you are. I don't think you sound psychotic. I remember what all that anger felt like. It felt like a poison. Just keep your hopes up. It can happen...like I said, it took 6 years. It was worth every second of anger and sadness.

I am sorry. I have four kids of my own and my partner has 4 kids too. I feel the same way when my SO and BM attend school functions/events together. I am 43 and my SO is 50 so despite the fact that we both have kids from our previous relationships, we will never have kids together due to our age. That is a loss for me and I feel jealous and angry when they attend those events. For some reason, he doesn't get as worked up about it when I attend kid events with my EX? I think women get more worked up over this matter than men for some reason?? I always feel like BM has one up on me because she bore my SO's children. Just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel. (HUGS)

I get the anger, resentment about infertility issues. That aside, why do you WANT to have a child with this guy? This jerk pretty much told you that only reason he isn't with BM is because she didn't want him. :sick: :sick: :sick:

Ajanie, you remind me of me.

When I was trying to get pregnant with my ex, I'd been off of the pill for 2 years. We tried everything under the sun. Tracking my cycle, the body temp thing, staying in bed with my pelvis and legs tilted up... We went to a specialist and went through all of the tests, including intercourse in the doctor's office (embarrassing). Turned out, I had plumbing problems that would have required surgery. Expensive surgery that my insurance would not cover.

I had my tubes tied as I figured my chance to have a baby was over (at 35). Lo and behold, I got pregnant. The doctor deemed it a miracle baby and I was over the moon. Until I miscarried my daughter at 5 months due to an unknown condition. The ER doctor assured me the condition could be corrected with my 'next pregnancy'. Nope. That was my ONE chance. My OB knew I could never carry a baby to term.

My exH finally admitted one drunken (him) night, that had I gotten pregnant, he saw it as a mistake he'd have to live with. I was floored. Our marriage didn't last much longer (he was an alcoholic).

I was angry and devastated and bitter. To hide those feelings, I began pretending I had no children because I loathed children. I skipped my nieces and nephews birthday parties. I refused to do ANYTHING that included children except for family gatherings. It took me 15 years to heal.

So... Stress can be a big problem with fertility. Yoga, meditation, therapy... find a happy place for your mind and peace for your soul. Yes, the tests feel humiliating and you may feel like your privacy has been seriously violated, But.....YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! The doctor is a professional who sees this every day. They are here to HELP you. They WANT to help you. They are running these tests to find out what's going on with your body, with your DH's body, so they can find a solution.

Quite frankly, had my current DH and I managed to make it work 20+ years ago, he would not have 2 children with BioHo and I deeply resent that. I wish with all of my heart that the love of my life and I could have had a child together. I feel your pain.

Find some inner peace. If you need help, find a professional who can help you with your feelings. {{{hugs}}}

I feel for you. My DH's ex use to control our lives (she still does, but less so now). Her behavior and DH's response drove me nuts. I use to obsess about how to get his ex to maintain boundaries as well as track all of her crappy behavior towards us and towards the skids so that we would have something in case we needed to take her to court. On top of that, there was the stress from the skids. DH and his ex allowed the kids to pit their parents against each other to get what they wanted because both felt guilty about their divorce. They were spoiled brats. Then we got the kids full time, which was not what I wanted, but at least BM had less reason to try to control DH and we finally were able to have some boundaries.

We were trying to get pregnant for close to two years while all that crap was happening. Honestly, I felt like I needed to have a child of my own to be able to stay in the marriage. I couldn't imagine not being able to have my own child, yet having to care for his when they treated me and their father poorly. I wasn't getting pregnant and we tried fertility treatments twice during the two year period. After the last fertility treatment failed, we couldn't forge ahead with another treatment the next month because we had a trip planned. We sent the skids to their grandparent's house right before leaving for our trip. We had one night alone from the skids in about 9 months and I happened to be ovulating at that time. I know it sounds hokey, but I honestly believe that my body needed the break from the stress of BM and skids to get pregnant. I ended up getting pregnant naturally on that trip and having a beautiful baby boy. I think the relief and not being in the steplife stress for the 2 and a half weeks really helped.

Hoping the best for you.

I know how you feel, except my DH would never have stayed with BM.

DH and I battled infertility for 4 years, and it was pure hell. I don't know your age, but I was 29 when I first approached my OB/GYN and we started tests. I had irregular periods, so he didn't have an issue to start testing as soon as I wanted. We were shocked to find out that DH was the biggest culprit in our infertility problems. That of course led me to question SD's paternity, although deep down I knew she was DH's. (Looks, personality, etc.)

I resented SD more and more the longer it took for me to finally have my baby. I also resented DH that he had a child with a woman he claims to have never loved, but we couldn't. I'm just glad I never gave up, and once I had my children, SD and BM became less important.

I don't think you sound psychotic at all.

The BM in my situation got pregnant within a couple of months of dating my husband. When we decided it was time to have kids of our own and it didn't happen in the same amount of time it happened with BM, I felt pretty resentful.

Hugs AJ. All of you that have shared your story, I am in awe of your strength.

AJanie you are not psychotic at all and I completely understand how you feel. BM fell pregnant "accidentally" whilst on the pill. I have been off birth control now for almost 5 years...:..and nothing. We have done 3 cycles of IVF, 2 failed and one resulted in a twin pregnancy which ended in a miscarriage 2 days before SS birthday.I spent the weekend in tears whilst DH spent the Sat celebrating his golden child's birthday.

I totally get the anger and the resentment.It would be laughable if it wasn't so tragic when the Dr's told us DH has extremely low sperm count. It doesn't help that SS is the carbon copy of BM in looks and mannerisms. Some days I hate DH that he managed to give her a baby and not me. This whole situation is made even worse by the fact that BM has golden uterus syndrome. I don't have any family in this country and now I can't even create my own family.

I feel like I lost myself in the race to have a baby now I'mfocusing on finding myself again (ie losing weight and meeting up with friends) whilst disengaging from SS. I still get upset,angry and feel an incredible sense of loss some days but disengaging from SS and his drama has helped immensely.

Ajanie,

A lot of people stay together "for the kids." It doesn't mean they are happy in that relationship, they are just treating it as a duty and that's what gets them through. They never make it past when the kids grow up and leave the nest. Obviously I don't know your husband or the circumstances of the conversation, but I think that was more what he's getting at. He married you because he loves you and not because he feels like he needs to work it out for the kids. Don't feel like a second string wife, feel like the one he picked with no obligations

I really, really, really wanted children - but I aged out before I met DH. I know that I would have been CRAZY if I'd met DH when I was still fertile.

DH got snipped 2 weeks after finding out that BM got knocked up after they had a ONS years after their divorce. I would have been UNCONSOLABLE over that if I had been still able to have children.

I had my own issues with depression, etc over not having children when I aged out of child bearing age. I literally was clinically depressed. None of that of course was DH's fault as I did not meet him for another decade.

So I totally understand the anger. I have anger that the worthless POS SS30 exists.