Really?? This is too far gone!
Hello all. Well I am a newbie but desperately need some advice. I have been reading everyone's blogs, but haven't seen anything such as my dilemma yet. I'm a SM of 3 SGs and we have one together. BM is a piece of work to put it nicely. BM is racist towards me and tries to place her thoughts on SDs. They know right from wrong and don't project that attitude in our home. The issue now is the oldest SG. Disrespectful to my DH and myself and has now gone to stay with BM. This hurts my DH as he loves his kid, but doesn't want things to be this way. BM is a compulsive liar and I don't think she even knows the truth sometimes. However, oldest SD believes and supports her BM to the worlds end. I'm thinking because BM has no one else. No friends and doesn't talk to her own family. What should I do? She has been told she can return when apologies have been received and respect regained. She says she is in no place to comply with those requirements and does not want to come back. But my DH is hurting. I don't want to cause that or have him keep going through it.
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Hi MHH and welcome to ST. "SM
Hi MHH and welcome to ST. "SM of 3 SGs" does this mean Step Mother to 3 step daughters? Whose decision was it that the eldest no longer comes around until she apologises?
Yes Stepmother to Step girls.
Yes Stepmother to Step girls. It was both DH and myself who set the requirements of her.
If you jointly made the
If you jointly made the decision without coercion or threats, then I think you need to make peace with the way things are. It takes time and will be hard.
Not that she can't come
Not that she can't come around. She is welcomed always. But to stay (overnight or what have you) respect must be demonstrated and apologies made.
Thank you so much, I needed
Thank you so much, I needed to hear that. I don't know where to go from here though. I will discuss with husband to pick his brain on this new bit of info. Thank you!!!
Doesn't the DH and his
Doesn't the DH and his biological children have that emotional connection that you are talking about? Shouldn't her DH use this as an opportunity to teach his daughter a better lesson?
To me, your argument is flawed b/c one of the adults in the house does have that bond. It seems a little unreasonable to never let his daughter back in the house because of disrespect. Plus, the OP doesn't tell us what type of disrespect. If his daughter is just mouthing off, I think it is an overreaction. The SD is a teenager. They are all mouthy. Instead of banning the daughter from his house, she should expect her husband to parent his daughter and keep her in line.
"BM is racist towards me and
"BM is racist towards me and tries to place her thoughts on SDs. "
IMO, this is what needs to be addressed. To disrespect you, in your on home at that, because of your skin and/or culture is not acceptable. These girls are going to go through their entire lives hating on people are 'different' than they are. Classmates, co-workers, neighbors are going to be of all shapes, sizes, colors, cultures and beliefs.
Racism begins to 'home'. The BM is teaching it. It's your husband's job to educate his daughters. It's his job to teach what will or will not be tolerated in his home.
Yes, your husband is sad. He's disappointed in his oldest daughter behavior and the choices she is making. He feels he can not condone this behavior in his home. Stand back and let husband handle his daughter in the manner he feels he must.