That's me....

Healing from infidelity is really hard especially when it is with a BM. But I mostly miss the man I see in my wedding pictures. I don't know what happened to him.... seems he left some years ago... if he indeed existed at all. He is the man I cry over, he is the man I mourn for and will love forever. The man who stands across from me in a courtroom is a stranger.

We are doing the best we can within the law. DH's conduct has been despicable. He was having an affair for about a year before I found out. He lead me on believing we were moving to England. I closed my business in preparation so I could focus on the move, renovations, sale of the house etc. He watched me doing all of this while he was having an affair and had decided - without telling me - that we were no longer moving to England.

I have lost so much due to his lies and deception. He has to pay for what he has done and I just hope the court sees what horrible things he has done.

Hi Tuff! Yes, I'm doing well up inside my head... my heart is still broken and I am wondering if it will EVER heal. I still have sad days but I am no longer depressed. I feel displaced because I moved out of the house and in with my mom. Nothing is familiar and I hate the changes. Sometimes I do feel overwhelmed.

As soon as the divorce is final, I will move back to my suburb and everything that is familiar to me.... I can't wait.... and I miss my cat soooo much.

Mmmm, I don't know if it is a blessing or not.... it is really difficlut living with her. I love her, but I really battle because circumstances here are not enabling me to heal. The situation is not good, but at least I'm not on the street.

SD1, the one I have known since she was 3 has just turned 15! She has grown into a beautiful young lady and I miss her very much. Believe it or not, her mom and I chat quite often and I have discovered that so much of what was said about her was just not true. SD1 does not have much of a relationship with DH anymore as he is favouring SD2. Needless to say, SD1 is terribly hurt and having a difficult time emotionally.

SD1 and SD2 do not see each other. BM1 does not want SD1 to have anything to do with BM2 after what she has done.

ETA: And SD2 (almost 16 years old) threatened DH that if he ever comes back to me she wants nothing to do with him.

There was a bit of back and forth, but I ended up slapping DH and he applied for a restraining order against me. It was dismissed but it was recommended that I get as far away from him as possible. I landed up in hospital for three weeks AGAIN with despression in January.

The grieving process is interesting, there are so many things to grieve and in no particular order:

The loss of the marriage
The loss of a husband
The loss of dreams
The loss of financial security
The loss of time
The loss of bits he took from me... this is where I am now.

I feel so angry because I feel that he has stolen from me. I am changed. He has stolen my ability to love with the innocence of a child. To trust wholeheartedly. He has raped me emotionally and for that he must pay. I will never be able to reclaim that virgin love I had for him.

Thanks Zero, I could do with lots of those.

I agree.... watching me give stuff away, start packing up the house, CLOSING MY BUSINESS, having to let employees go, getting quotes on moving, looking for places to rent/buy in the UK, getting in contact with my friends in the UK getting all excited about moving.... and then BANG!

Who does that?

I didn't realise how horrible it was until I read over my old posts which I printed out and filed. It really was a battle, but one I would do differently if I had the chance over.

Hi StepAside, I made so many mistakes, and one of the big ones was believing everything DH and MIL told me about BM1. Things they told me about her are the very same things I am now being accused of. SD1, BM1 and I are all better off since his lies and deceptions have come to light, but it is so sad that SD1 is the one who is suffering the most. My heart breaks for her.

I also feel so guilty for so many things regarding SD1 and her mom because I never gave myself a chance to build a relationship with them on my own terms. So many people on this board told me to stop blaming SD and BM and take a closer look at DH - I was in such denial.

I could write a book on things I have learned about bio-fathers over the past 12 years.

Hi Willow, I have a record of over 300 jobs I have applied for over the past 18 months. Unfortunately things in my country are very tough when trying to find work with my profile.

I have wanted to study further but DH has prevented that by dissing everything I suggest and refusing to provide funds to do so even though he earns in excess of 2 million a year. He's a stingy so and so.

I have finally realised that I am indeed the number one priority and have stopped blaming myself for the breakdown of the marriage. Things have become much clearer and I am working very hard on my self esteem. With the help of a wonderful therapist, I am making really good progress and understand myself much better. I could even go so far as to say I am learning how to love me.

Hi Indigo, oh how I remember the days, not so long ago, when I could barely breathe; I thought I was going to die. I was a heap on the floor unable to pick myself up. My lowest point was in February this year - yes, it took THAT long - and since then I have been improving slowly.

I fought so hard for this marriage. I tried everything in the book, positive and negative, to save the marriage, but he had already checked out so nothing worked. He had been having an affair much longer than I realised and when I discovered that, it damn near killed me. At least the shock is over and I am beginning to function again.

If ever there was a time I needed those words, this would be it.

Thank you, from a teary eyed, Sailor.

I'm alive... just. Still very sad, but no longer depressed.

Hi MisSTEP, EVERYTHING you have ever said to me has been spot on. I wish I had listened to you sooner; I was in such denial. I have been diagnosed with Dependant Personality Disorder which is exactly why I kept on trying harder and harder and harder, until I collapsed emotionally.

People with NPD are usually attracted to people with DPD and vice-versa. If ever there is a personality type that is very difficult to break free from it is a narcissist. DH is a classic narcissist. I actually feel sorry for him.

Hello hereiam, I absolutely do deserve better. DH and BM2 are both cheating a-holes and deserve each other.

Things are bad. Just discovered that DH has bought a brand spanking new car whilst he refuses to support me until I can find a job. We have an ante-nuptial so there is nothing I can do yet.

He also pretended he wanted to reconcile all the while still screwing BM2 WITHOUT protection.

I honestly hope Karma does exist and the evil part of me wants to be a fly on the wall when it finally catches up with DH & BM2 so I can laugh at them the way they have been laughing at me.

Hello again! The type of marriage contract we have is call ante-nuptial with accrual. What this means is everything that each of us owned prior to marriage cannot be claimed by the other party. However, 50% interest on investments etc. can be claimed for the duration of the marriage. So for instance, the house is owned by DH, I can claim 50% of the increase in value of the house from 2005 - now. BUT, the house was excluded from the ANC so I can claim nil.

However, based on DH's conduct, I have asked that the court grants a forfeiture of his share of assets in my favour. Seldom is that granted except in exceptional circumstances where the conduct of the other party has been grossly "horrible".

So in a nutshell I can claim 50% of all his investments, and with an ANC contract, I am not liable for any of his debts.