Nope, not overreacting. I'd change the locks while he's gone and put his sh*t in trashbags on the corner. Any man that would choose to have a "sleepover" with his daughter over staying in his home and marital bed with his wife deserves to be single.

Yeah.... you aren't overreacting, and their sleep over is a bit weird, especially considering it wasn't 3 months since he had her, just a week?

He's not another 9 year old girl to have a sleep over with.... Yeah just weird and I wouldn't be okay with it either.

I think it especially odd since in the past he has been upset that you didn't spend more time all together as a family and now he wants to go to another house so they can be alone. What father wants to have a "sleep over" with his daughter?

He knew you would be upset, that's why he told you "not to take offense"...as if that makes it ok. Is he unwilling to compromise? He could go over there and watch a movie with her, then come home and sleep with you. If all they are going to do is sleep thru the night, there is absolutely no reason for them to need to be alone.

I'd go one better. How about he spend EVERY night with his little mini wife. This kind of crap doesn't happen in intact families. It's the parents that go out for special one on one time. He's purposely cutting you out and showing his daughter that they can't really have fun and cut loose if you're around. Not how a marriage works. I don't know how this will not damage your marriage. You'll be hyper sensitive from here on out. Not a good road he's starting to go down. Maybe you should have a conversation asking him what marriage means to him. And him not acknowledging your feelings is another strike.

This may be way off base but I immediately think of sexual abuse. It is highly irregular. Watch their interaction when they get back & see of anything weird happens.

He is the one being unreasonable, this is ridiculous.

He is not taking her camping or to a father/daughter retreat; he's taking her to another house, just to spend the night WITH her and WITHOUT you.

How does Grandpa (DH's dad) feel about his house being used for this? It wouldn't be Ok with me. My sons have a key for emergencies and one son did stay unexpectedly while we were out of town. Son's house lost electricity for two days and our area didn't. We were fine with that, but a special father / daughter bonding wouldn't fly here. I'd be taking back my key if my son tried that here. My house can be used for emergencies, not as a hotel.

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I really do not understand why this is a big deal~especially since he has said he wouldn't have a problem with you doing the same with your son.

Just because it isn't something you wouldn't do, doesn't it's wrong for him to do it

A little odd, and I'd question it, but it wouldn't be the death of our marriage... I just don't understand why there, unless the house has something unique worth staying over for, awesome video game system, big pool, outdoor tennis court, or maybe he's just there to look after the house?

I think it's weird too. It's one thing to take the skid out for the evening, but no need to find an empty house to sleep over in. I can see the skid thinking that since it's ben done once why can't they start doing it more often. Not a good precedent, IMO. I don't think it's right to choose to sleep with a kid over sleeping with your spouse. I'm sure there is nothing untoward about it, but sleepovers are supposed to be for kids.

Before I go on my little rant, I have to say this sounds BM motivated. Someone put this thought in his head. That being said..........

My issue with this is the fact we step-parents (especially SM's) are expected to include the skids in our lives. On every level. To treat them as we do our own kids (or how we'd treat them if we had kids). The second we exclude them, we are evil, wrong, mean, hateful and unloving. Dog forbid we disengage.

But we're supposed to simply accept it when our H's decide to turn around and exclude us (and sometimes any siblings or step-siblings or family) from an event.

Prior to completely disengaging, I spent a lot of my time doing my best to make his kid feel like she was a part of the family and to make sure she was included in all big family events. I had no issue with the two of them having one on one time (and I encouraged it). But I would have s**t little green biscuits, if after all my efforts, my H turned around purposely excluded me from something with an off-hand "suck it up, buttercup" attitude. And without really discussing it with me. Just telling me how it's going to be.

I put up with a lot (adapted and changed my life) before I wised up and disengaged from all things skid related. Something like this would have been the final straw and ended my marriage.

I find it odd that he needs to spend time with her overnight. Does he not feel like taking her out for a few hours is enough time? I mean she was only gone for a week. Why does he feel the need to spend this time with her outside of the home? Does he think you and your BS will interfere with his time with his daughter?

I'd imagine it being very boring... outside of the home... in someone else's house...overnight with a 9 year old....What are they going to do all night?

I think it is weird. As much as my SD was a mini wife he never would have pulled something like this. An evening out alone should be more than enough for "alone" time.

It's weird.

I didn't read the other responses, but if my SO told me he was taking the boys to his Moms for the weekend of just him and the brats OH MY LORD! I would be doing the happy dance on the inside shit I'd start packing his fu*&ing bag. The possibilities of what I could do would be endless. Girls night out, a bottle of wine and a good book, a Netflix marathon. And that's just a few ideas.

Would it be odd if it's an "intact" family and kid was gone to camp for a week and came back and dad said he was taking the kid to his dad's empty house so they could spend time together since dad hadn't seen the kid for a week?

weird as phuc. that's my vote.

going to a ballgame, going to the park, taking a bike ride, any activity like that with maybe a meal out too - that is alone time - and then you GO HOME TO YOUR WHOLE FAMILY. i was a c.o.d., and i was also totally daddy's favored kid - never, ever, EVER would the thought have crossed his or my mind to ever suggest a get-away-sleepover.

I understand why it would burn but I'd tell him to stay gone three nights. I would also learn a big lesson on pecking order and the way it works with your DH.

If my spouse was disengaged from my kid you can bet I would take any time away from having the kid and my partner together. Maybe he didn't want to be by your son. Maybe he wants a break from the tension you have posted about before. Or perhaps, we wanted a cheap, fun adventure with his kid.
Honestly, some of you are really jaded.