Go on you for not overlooking it. Call them out on it to their faces, and when they whine their "Ohhhh thannnnnks, we meant to say it earlier.... sorrrrrry" just explain that this doesn't fly in the real world, and choices have consequences.

I make sure my kid 19 thanks my DH for gifts but most of the time he does it on his own without a reminder. He even texted DH to say thank you for the b-day gift that he received from us while he was away at University. Even though I was the one who ordered it and had it shipped, but the tag said it was from both of us.
But it is different with skid and a large part of it is because of DH. One Christmas before DH and I were married we would buy separate gifts for each other's children. Part of the gift I gave his kid was a $50 gas card. Skid texted DH to say thanks for the gas card it really came in handy. DH did not correct him by saying it was from Grace, he just didn't respond. So when skid got home that night let him know who it was really from and he barely muttered a thank you to me. I just said "I am glad to hear that you appreciated the gas card I bought for you".

This Christmas I was the one who choose skid's gift , had it put on hold since it was the last one and drove to the other end of the city to pick it up. There was DH trying to take all the credit when his kid was thanking him.

We were away and we (I gave skid a chance) let him dog sit in our house. I decided I would try to extend an olive branch by being extra nice nice and made up some of his favorite dinners for him to heat up. He texted he dad after he was a jerk by giving his dad shit that our bedroom is locked (which skid has no business going into my bedroom so of course it's locked) and then said thank Grace for the food. I told DH his kid can thank me himself. But he never did.

I think most of the blame needs to be on the parent of these kids for not teaching them manners, as they get older some of it is back on the kid. I will no longer do things that are not appreciated by the receiver and I told DH whether or not he believes me. He will soon find out. We remodeled the kitchen and have an eating bar now and DH asked me if we can give skid the dining table which is less than 2 years old, I said sure and that was before he did not thank me for the meals I made for him. I put the table online to sell instead of giving it to skid. I have someone coming tomorrow to pick it up and I will let DH know today.

if it bothers you that his kids don't appreciate what you do for them, then stop doing things for them and it is solved. For the most part I have stopped by sometimes I have relapses and then I am reminded that it will never change.

I make sure my kid 19 thanks my DH for gifts but most of the time he does it on his own without a reminder. He even texted DH to say thank you for the b-day gift that he received from us while he was away at University. Even though I was the one who ordered it and had it shipped, but the tag said it was from both of us.
But it is different with skid and a large part of it is because of DH. One Christmas before DH and I were married we would buy separate gifts for each other's children. Part of the gift I gave his kid was a $50 gas card. Skid texted DH to say thanks for the gas card it really came in handy. DH did not correct him by saying it was from Grace, he just didn't respond. So when skid got home that night let him know who it was really from and he barely muttered a thank you to me. I just said "I am glad to hear that you appreciated the gas card I bought for you".

This Christmas I was the one who choose skid's gift , had it put on hold since it was the last one and drove to the other end of the city to pick it up. There was DH trying to take all the credit when his kid was thanking him.

We were away and we (I gave skid a chance) let him dog sit in our house. I decided I would try to extend an olive branch by being extra nice nice and made up some of his favorite dinners for him to heat up. He texted he dad after he was a jerk by giving his dad shit that our bedroom is locked (which skid has no business going into my bedroom so of course it's locked) and then said thank Grace for the food. I told DH his kid can thank me himself. But he never did.

I think most of the blame needs to be on the parent of these kids for not teaching them manners, as they get older some of it is back on the kid. I will no longer do things that are not appreciated by the receiver and I told DH whether or not he believes me. He will soon find out. We remodeled the kitchen and have an eating bar now and DH asked me if we can give skid the dining table which is less than 2 years old, I said sure and that was before he did not thank me for the meals I made for him. I put the table online to sell instead of giving it to skid. I have someone coming tomorrow to pick it up and I will let DH know today.

if it bothers you that his kids don't appreciate what you do for them, then stop doing things for them and it is solved. For the most part I have stopped by sometimes I have relapses and then I am reminded that it will never change.

Stop buying them gifts - sheesh. They are too old for easter gifts anyway.

The parenting ship has sailed as another poster pointed out, so give up on that idea.

My SD also always thanked DH only for gifts and one xmas I called her on it - when she said Oh! thanks Dad! I said, "and 20 years!". Well she was horrified that I pointed out her rudeness and made sarcastic comments on the next gift she opened by saying, Oh and thanks bla bla bla - because now there are RULES about how to say thank you.

I wanted to leave right then and there, and have not contributed one cent to a gift for her again!

Do you know if he gave them the gifts, if they knew they were from you(it's possible dad took credit for the gifts) or if they even accepted them?

I didn't get SDs anything, didn't say anything to DP. He came through without prompting!
He did say he would make brunch but this morning I discovered he had bought nothing to make it with. Then he was surprised we didn't have the special things like bacon or enough eggs. Told him to not use all the eggs as well since I have to make dessert for a dinner party we are going to later. The two grocery stores near us are closed so that's not an option. I did try to make pancakes but messed up the batter (a new recipe, duh on me)...threw the batch away then told DP he's going to have to make do with what we had...SDs didn't touch the eggs, had one piece of toast each and left...DP not happy but I am ok! He also got me some special chocolates!

I am of the no gift camp. A gift certificate and that's it on birthdays and Xmas.

I could give my SD24 a house and would hear *crickets*.

Of course, I would never do that.

Dh wanted to invite gskids over for the easter festivities I had planned with my kids on Saturday. I told DH that I wanted to enjoy this time with just my kids and that he could plan something for gskids on another day. Funny that is HE has to plan it nothing happens. Today is Easter and no word of any plans and I'm not asking. If they do call and want to show up then DH can run around, shop and make it happen.

Skids have taught me that nothing that I do is appreciated anyway.

Part of me wants to say "were these aholes raised in a barn?" But my parents and my DH's parents were raised in utter poverty in rural America and had no education at all. Lucky to finish 10th grade. So they were close to being "raised in a barn" - yet they knew that one thanks someone who has done something for you. dot. period. No strings. No conditions.

I could hate someone's guts (hopefully for good reason) but I would still thank them if they extended themselves to provide something for me. It wouldn't necessarily make me like them - but I would extend thanks to them.

My advice though is to do what you want to do knowing that they are ungrateful aholes. I have no expectations that SS30 will ever be worth much. I honestly do not hate him. I kind of feel sorry for his GF. But knowing that I will never get any appreciation I still buy presents for the new grandchild (who at 3 months doesn't know enough to appreciate it). I do it for two reasons - one good and one not so good. I do it for my DH so that he can "do the right thing" but I also do it to minimize the dollars spent. A $20 present says I was thinking of you - a $100 present is in my opinion a waste of money on ingrates.

Nothing will change till you stop buying stuff. You can tell him till blue in face about it but it won't change. Only action creates reaction.
So you don't buy eggs next year or present bday or whatever is next- he gets in a flap and you explain if they can't say thank you I won't buy something. I have no interest in buying for ugly ungrateful people. When you parent them better I will reconsider ' stick to your guns as long as needed. Either they learn manners or you end up a bit richer.

Please also remember you are a good person with a big heart who gave spoilt children a chance to redeem themselves - they failed to do so and that is nothing on you and all on them

I have stopped buying anything for SD 26 many years ago. If me and my kids went out to eat I would text or call SD if Dad was out of town and ask if she would like something. The last time I did this her response was like I owed it to her. She was very rude and snooty. I don't ask her or buy her anything anymore. I know this is bad but most the time I don't even reply with a hello or good morning to her. I pretend I don't hear it.