DH and ASS - the conversation

Just heard from DH, who had "the chat" with ASS earlier today.

DH gave ASS the three options and the decision deadline. Then DH texted me:

DH - well, I talked to ASS
me - and?
DH - as expected.
me - what does that mean? What did he say?
DH - not much. Same as before
me - I am guessing no to college and yes to moving out?
DH - right
me - Well, did you two discuss his plan or where he will live or work or anything?
DH - he has it all figured out. Doesn't need me.
me - Ah, I see. And didn't share his grand plan with you, right?
DH - right. Such a waste.
me - well, I guess he's got it all figured out then. Nothing else for us to do
DH - yeah

so, there it is. Looks like I will be down one ASS sometime between June 5 and September 1.

And yes, I do realize that ASS has no plan at all, but if he isn't going to take the help that we are offering, that's all on him.

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I am hoping for that, too. I

I am hoping for that, too. I think the continuing ASS-showing will help DH realize that it's not about him, it's about ASS's stubbornness and ASS-ery.

so option 3 it is. this

so option 3 it is.

this kidult is a special kind.... now, on your previous post when you gave us the options, at the end of #3 you said that if he didnt do a tech program or work to save $ to move out, then natural consequences would follow.

so how would your dh handle that? do you think he honestly would put him in the car and drop him at a shelter?

ASS will be told to leave the

ASS will be told to leave the house. We won't be driving him anywhere. His stuff will be packed up and handed to him. If he doesn't leave, the police will be called.

ASS can do it the easy way or he can do it the hard way. DH is done trying to help him.

Shouldn't be an issue, right? You know, 'cuz ASS has it all figured out.

I hope you do, ASS, I hope you do.

Curious if your dh agreed to

Curious if your dh agreed to this? Kinda going through the same thing and I cannot my dh to purchase a one way ticket for his criminal no good son and agree To NOT pay for a return ticket. told him if he didn't we are done. So I think I'm heading for divorce court. Yes we had a plan for dh to send his son to live with his sister as soon as he got out of jail but can't get him to agree that this is NOT a vacation for SS. He gets homesick for his mommie and nanna/kicked/ goes back to jail that we are done and he's on his own. Dh will ALWAYS bail this 20 year old man baby and I'm just done. So does your plan include the above stipulation?

Oh and did dh tell him this

Oh and did dh tell him this is what would happen. It seems if I am not VERY specific with dh he will take it and run with it. And he will tell SS very minimal always leaving a window open for him

Yes to both. DH agreed -

Yes to both.

DH agreed - actually came up with the plan all by himself - about getting ASS out if he refuses to leave and he also explained everything to ASS.

ASS will take off as soon as he graduates high school. That's my prediction. He is soooooooo sure that he has it all figured out that he will "show" us.

might be a good idea to have

might be a good idea to have him sign a contract acknowleging his three options and his choice of option #3 - also having it clearly spell out his 90-day notice upon graduation... maybe even have it witnessed and notarized...

i wonder if while out on school break your dh could run him by where you work - i'm sure a few of the lovely folks there would witness the document.

Nope, no need. He wouldn't

Nope, no need.

He wouldn't sign it anyway.

this kid is just chomping at the bit to leave. I just had to find a way to make sure it was (mostly) DH's plan and that ASS was the one to say he was out.

Well, I don't think ASS will

Well, I don't think ASS will stop showing his ASS ways. I guess that's finally turned into a positive?

that is not our problem. At

that is not our problem. At that point, he will be an adult, responsible for his own stupid or awesome choices.

IF he had been a different kid, we may consider helping him when he falls on his ASS. However, he is who he is and we don't feel the need to help adult ASSholes.

I doubt that ASS will admit

I doubt that ASS will admit it if he falls on his ass and is homeless.

Bingo - I will be very

Bingo - I will be very surprised if we hear from ASS once he leaves.

Hell, we don't hear from him now and he's under our roof.

DH has been told that I will

DH has been told that I will not live with ASS past September 1 ever again. He knows that after September 1, he can live with ASS or he can live with me, but not both.

ASS won't be homeless. DH's parents will take him in. Have a good time, DH's parents

It is horrible of me to be

It is horrible of me to be eagerly waiting updates....even more than my favorite TV show?

No! (I am too!)

thanks for the pop in, but

thanks for the pop in, but we've checked with our local police department.

He doesn't get mail at our home. He doesn't get any mail.

I don't give a rats ass if he

I don't give a rats ass if he does a change of address. Anything that does come to him - remember, this kid has no driver's license and didn't attend any college presentations so he literally gets no mail - will be marked Return To Sender and popped back in the mailbox.

Once he's out, he is no longer a resident of my home. And, as an adult, we don't have to let him move back in }:) }:) }:)

oh, and Foxie? I get mail at

oh, and Foxie? I get mail at my great aunt's condo - but I don't live there.

I get mail where I work, but I don't live there, either.

You know, I don't think he

You know, I don't think he will come crawling back when things fall apart. He has told DH that he won't be a part of our lives once he leaves. He even said we would "never meet" his wife and "never get to know the grandkids."

Uh, okay.

DH is not the type to grovel for a relationship. I think ASS will be true to his word, and I think DH will be sad, but I don't think DH will give in.

It's sad, no doubt about

It's sad, no doubt about it.

If I were in his shoes, I would be sad, too, but I wouldn't let the emotional blackmail work.

gigglesnorts u should see

*gigglesnorts*

u should see some of our "clients". there's been many, many times one will mention their kids and i throw up a little in my mouth, thinking "o..m..g... someone had sex - with THAT?!?!??"

there are aaaallllll kinds of people....

I think his anger is due to a

I think his anger is due to a couple of different things. His mother, for sure, his own insecurity and the seemingly inability to connect with people.

On the other hand, he really does believe that he is above everyone else, that he is going to make more money than anyone he knows and that it will be really easy for him because he is that smart.

I also think there is a mental illness brewing up in that head of his.

I do feel bad for DH - I really do. I can't imagine how it feels to have your child treat you the way ASS treats DH.