Of course she wants you to snub her now.

Pull up your big girl pants. You aren't a 24yo, so refuse to act like one. Act like a woman of class. Forget about the snub. Meet her graciously and say no word of it. Just be so happy to *finally* get to meet her and build your rapport.

Well isn't she a little special little snowflake!

She is not interested in meeting with you to form a relationship. But I bet she is doing this to make her father happy. She is full of herself and her feelings.

I would go along. Ask her about school/ work. What are her favourite movies? Cat or dog person? Then ask her "Do you have anything to say or ask of me?" And see what happens.

Do not give her more attention than she can deal with. Do not touch her unless you offer to shake hands. Do not give in but behave in a disinterested non threatening manner.

She wants to sound you out and see what you are about. Then when you see Fiance again or speak to him and he asks how it went just say "Well no blood was shed so that is a good thing, right? She isn't interested in a relationship with me and that is her right. I just expect common courtesy and good manners. I am sure you agree."

This young woman has the right to choose who she likes and dislikes just like you do. Common courtesy isn't too much to ask though. And leave it entirely up to her father to deal with her.

You are not imagining and she sounds very jealous/insecure of your relationship with her Dad in my opinion. She does not want to 'bond' with you and I bet she feels she is doing you - and her Dad - a huge favor by sucking it up and meeting with you, someone she has made clear she really doesn't want anything to do with

Be gracious and polite, but don't make a big deal of it or of her.

In my experience, the more you let on it means the world to you that the two of you bond, the more power she has over you. And most especially if she is feeling jealous or competitive with you, she will play you just to hurt and humiliate you

That's sounds bitter I know, but I have been through the trying far to hard with Skids in the past, and learned the hard way just to relax and focus on setting the right example of how a decent human being acts, and if they choose to accept you great but if not, don't let it take up too much of your mental or emotional energy

She doesn't sound like someone I would want to engage with at all. You two do not have to forge a bond. You both should be civil and polite to each other when you must be together. You've extended offers for her to engage with you - she's not interested. Just let it go.

Not being friends does not mean that you are enemies. I think she's made it crystal clear that she really has no use for you. I can understand how your DH wanted the two of you to become BFFs. But it didn't happen, and it probably won't.

Both of you are being pressured into having this "meeting" for your DH's sake. You can both go, be pleasant, and then part ways. I would not have any serious discussions with her during this "meeting". Just keep it totally superficial and then go on your separate ways.

You need to disengage from her . Let her live in DHs universe which you do not need to inhabit . Be polite when you see her and that's it. I wouldn't waste another thought on her .

How is her dad responding to the postponements and the obvious signs of Hey, I don't want to know you? If he is seriously pressuring you 3 years later to force a relationship with a girl that has No interest, you need to have a serious meeting with HIM about his expectations for the future. There will likely be weddings and grandkids and she is unlikely to ever see you as more family than she sees you right now. How is he going to feel about that? How are you going to feel about it and his reaction to it?

You are in prime position to foresee the future. His attitude toward all this now is an excellent predictor for how he will continue to feel. Is she still "just a kid" to him that needs time and space? Does he think you just need to try harder? Is he going to resent you not having a meaningful relationship with this girl?

She's an adult and she's behaving in a fully crappy way. And it doesn't sound new. She is unlikely to change her behavior and he is unlikely to change his expectations and desires around her. You are not yet married, you don't live together. Make sure the expectations you have of each other concerning his kids and future grandkids, their parties, all that nonsense are clear before the wedding.

Don't let yourself be upset. Yes, of course you're upset, you have every right to be. Sure it was a snub. If not a snub, it's at least an attempt to control the situation. BUT... She wants you to be upset. She wants you to either call off the meeting, or show up to the meeting and be upset with her and you two get into a fight. Then she can run back to Daddy and say "see! I told you! This is why we can't have a relationship!"

Don't play into her hands. Put aside your hurt. Not for her benefit but for yours. Tell DH how excited you are for the meeting. When you meet her, kill her with kindness. Then, if she causes a stink or is still cold or whatever, she will not be able to pin it on you. Your DH will start to see this behavior for what it truly is. As much as these boards are full of DHs who refuse to see their kids faults, there are quite a few who have wised up to the way to their kids treat their wives.

I'm both a stepmom and a BM whose own daughter gave my DH hell for the first year. DH stayed pleasant and civil, and I was able to see what she was doing and let her know I wouldn't tolerate it. They are now quite close. I don't foresee that ending for you and your SD, but take away her opportunity to paint you as the bad guy to her dad. Don't do it for her, do it for you.

What she is doing, is creating a position of power for herself. She wants to snub you and have you chase after her, it make her feel in control. It is also pitting you and her dad against each other, which again, makes her feel powerful.

If she doesn't cancel this meeting, go and be polite with the intention of starting fresh. If she responds badly (is still disrespectful and bratty), then wash your hands of her. You do not have to be friends (or family) with her and you certainly do not have to chase her and beg her to accept you. Screw that.

If she cancels this meeting, that is your cue to be done, no matter what her father urges. She has been a disrespectful brat to you for 3 years, some of that is on HIM. Yes, she is an adult but he is still her dad, you are going to be his wife, and he should have said and done something about her treatment of you. Common courtesy should have been taught to her a long time ago.

She is manipulating you both. If your fiance continues to fall for it, I would really wonder what a life with him and this daughter of his will be like. She doesn't even live with him and she is pulling strings in your relationship.

You know, the more I think about your situation, the more I'm annoyed at your DH.

First of all, his daughter is grown and out of the house, she owes you nothing--and she doesn't HAVE to feel good about her daddy remarrying. When my aunt's husband remarried, 2 years after her death, it was just too soon for those in the family who were still grieving, so this woman was just not accepted by the family (I accepted her, but I was the minority). In other words, she doesn't have to be your best friend, just polite at family functions.

Second of all, you married your DH, you don't owe his family ANYTHING besides courtesy.

So why does he have the right to ask YOU to set up meeting with this girl, or anything of that nature. If it's that important to him, he should talke you both out to lunch and try to mend things himself. But I don't see why he's asking you to LEAD this effort. It's not your problem.

Well... you do need to think long and hard about this.

This is what just happened to my mom's friend.

My mom's friend and her "husband" (they never really tied the knot) have been together for decades. Now they are in their mid 80s and dealing with health issues. She barely gets around and needs a nurse to come and help her.

The DH (wonderful, sweet man, btw), got very ill and almost died. His 2 grown up sons came to visit from Hawaii.

So... while this man is on his death bed (he almost died several times, but he did make it, thankfully), these grown up SKIDS, who this poor woman has done nothing to, are bullying her. They come to her home and tell her that as soon as this man dies, they are going to sell the house, and she better make plans. They sit there asking eachother how much they think the house is worth. They put their dirty feet on her coffee table and stain the carpet with mud. They made her too uncomfortable to visit her DH at the hospital with them. So here he is, almost dead, and his wife too scared to go to the hospital to see him because her awful grownup SKIDS are there, and she's terrified of them.

I mean who does this to an almost invalid woman in her 80s?

If you *don't* get married, think long and hard about where that leaves you.