Infuriating BM *vent*
I am so frustrated that I just can't seem to get BM out of my life and out of my house!
We have EOWE visitation, with pickup from school or babysitter. You would think that would make it so that we didn't have to deal with BM at all, but it never seems to go that way! Every time we pick up, there has to be some kind of something from her, and she's totally chaotic. Nothing ever goes to schedule or to plan, which drives me crazy!
2 visits ago, it was a dress for SD's Christmas concert. She was to wear it to school on Friday and we were to wash it and press it afterward. DH told her no, she could wear something from our house. She had to argue with that. She laid it on thick that SD really wanted to wear this dress and it made her feel confident and beautiful. We told her not to send the dress, so she instructed SD to bring it with her anyway. I threw a fit with DH, told him I wasn't going to be responsible to wash or iron a polyester acetate dress with crinoline. DH told BM to come get the dress if she wanted it, because it was on our porch.
Christmas, she couldn't just let the kid come outside when our car came up, she had to come outside with her, make a huge production of saying goodbye, even calling the kid back to her. And then there was the phone call from her on Christmas day.
This visit, it was an emergency with the babysitter (who hates DH and seems to have lots of emergencies when we have the SK). She couldn't receive the SK that afternoon. We got the notice at 115 PM, and the SK's bus is at 3. We had to scamper around to get her taken care of, and change our entire schedules for the next day, as well.
And then this morning, I'm on kid drop off--to the babysitter--and BM is there! She scowled at me the whole time! Why was she even there?!?!?!?!?
But it's always her way or no way, DH can't even talk to his kid without her permission. She answers the phone every.single.time. Not to talk to him, or even respond, but to make him ask permission to talk to her. She has to physically be there in the morning when I drop off?! She cross-examines the kid about what happens in our house. There's no respect whatsoever for DH. It's infuriating.
Maybe this all sounds petty, but it's really hard to be completely subject to her whims and for her to invade what feels like all aspects of our home life. Why can't we be in control of something? Why do we always have to feel like she's watching? We've got nothing to hide, but I don't want her to be in the middle of everything, either. I know I can't control her behavior, only my reaction, but geez! Why do I have to control my reactions and learn to be frankly emotionally over-mature when she behaves like this?!
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Comments
Sounds like she needs to get
Sounds like she needs to get a life.
How long has this been going
How long has this been going on?
Sounds like she needs to learn about boundaries!
They separated in July 2012.
They separated in July 2012. She doesn't believe that boundaries exist when it comes to "her" kid.
In her mind, she's entitled to do and say anything, but not so much DH.
It was in a bag, but it was a
It was in a bag, but it was a good moment for him!
Sounds like the BM which
Sounds like the BM which spawned my skids - it's easily resolved . Just don't give a damn . It works well. let DH handle while you take oatmeal baths .
I keep trying to not care,
I keep trying to not care, but it's SOOOOOO hard!
I feel bad for DH. He gets angry and mopey about her attitude and behavior, and he's horrible at taking it out on the people around him. I know that's a DH issue...
I would make him do it (I did
I would make him do it (I did during Thursday's chaos), but it's literally on my way to work (less than a 5 minute detour) AND he drops off and picks up my bio-kid at school everyday, which is a huge pain in the butt, so I feel super guilty saying no.
We tried. In fact, the
We tried. In fact, the *judge* set up exchanges to be done at the babysitter or at school explicitly because of her hostility.
But our judge wouldn't force BM to change babysitters, unfortunately. And BM won't change babysitters because she loves this woman and how hateful and nasty she is. We hypothesize that BM isn't paying as much as she says she is, too, but since she won't produce receipts or proof of attendance, we're SOL.
Oh, and did I mention that SK is 11?!
This BM needs to get a life.
This BM needs to get a life. The phone call thing would drive me nuts - answering the phone to force him to ask permission to talk to his child? She sounds like a huge loser who wants attention. She's trying to control the whole situation. My BM used to be like this, but she's chilled out quite a bit since she got married.
My BM was a bit more OVER her
My BM was a bit more OVER her boundaries, (ie: calling DH 4-5 times a day, texting 4-5 times a day about non kid related stuff, walking right into my house unannounced, stealing my mail, sitting in her car at night in front of my house, texting skids to lie to DH and say they are going to the park and she will come pick them up)
It could be worse, but I know how you feel, there is legal option if she ramps it up more.
Sitting in her car at night
Sitting in her car at night in front of your house? Why? Did you ever go out there or call the cops or anything?
Oh yea, we filed police
Oh yea, we filed police reports, and the police would sit down the road for weeks at a time doing surveillance because of her stalking issues, I finally filed for an RO after the county put a no trespass order on her for our home.