Jabba has a pattern of cutting out fathers and rewriting the past. My H did not see it until it was too late. She likes to recreate her nuclear family with the then spouse as the "man of the house". She has done it 3 times now. None of the father figures through these relationships were bad men. I know each of them through different means. I met her first sons ex before I ever met her. So I have his version of events and hers plus her then friends version.

It is a sad state of affairs. She was not stable when he met her and her pattern repeats itself through the last 12 years. He truly believed her until she started to cut him out of his sons life. My H likes to believe everyone is good and "everything is awesome".

I was with my first husband for a very long time. It was hard at first, even though I wanted to not be with him. It is hard to not have someone in your life that you were best friends with for over a decade. I saw that being friends was not a good thing, mainly because HE wasn't moving on. He was wanting to get back together. Even after I was remarried. I had to stop contact when my husband became uncomfortable with it, which was a good thing for my ex as well. I don't hate him, but I really don't like him, hence why I divorced him.

I think with the bm in my situation, she had these thoughts that her and du would be bff's. Nothing would change. She had some severe jealousy issues. She wanted him to put her first, since they had been together for so long. He was a teen when they got together, and apparently had no self esteem, although he was an über good looking guy. He had just been through hell in his home life, his Highschool gf had left him and he was very vulnerable. She was the friend that was willing to put out -er- make him feel wanted.

He was so heartbroken when he and bm separated, the next day he had a date LOL. But he was the SOB for not mourning the loss of her. She had wanted him to be so broken that he would come back to her with his tail between his legs. He was so freakin happy to be free. She became darn near suicidal. I met him a couple of years after. .

Apparently he lost his ever loving mind when he met me. Physically I was his dream girl. A curvy size 2 with in his words "ginormous" boobs. I could tell he REALLY liked me, but I wasn't looking to date. We became friends, and he started to realize that I was super fun as well. I decided to date him, and we have been together for nearly a decade.

Physically I am the polar opposite of BM and my personality is completely opposite. I think when you get older you are better suited to find someone that you are truly compatible with and know what you want and don't want. Apparently BM is not anyone's type, because she is still single.

My BM is the one who wanted the divorce after a long emotional void of a marriage. She reunited with a guy she dated when she was young, and apparently that gave her the courage to want to leave.

My guy was devastated at losing his family, but after seeking some counseling, has grown to view BM leaving as a gift. He was so limited while he was with her. He'd shut down, and sees that though he has less time with his kids, the time he spends with them is of better quality because now he's emotionally present for it.

BM has not let go. She is still with that man, though they don't appear to spend much time together (even when she doesn't have the kids.) She refuses to grieve her marriage, and is appalled that my guy could move on from her. I think she fantasized that being the mother of his kids gave her special status, and soon he'd be crying on her doorstep about what a mistake he made. She'd have it all - the guy she wanted, and her ex begging her to come back. Except that didn't happen. Her ex got over her pretty quickly, and finds her feelings irrelevant. So she has chosen to become hostile, selfish, and clingy toward him. All because of her inability or unwillingness to move on. And that's on her. The kids suffer for it.

I think women these days view marriage and parenthood as entitlements. And that once a guy has a kid with you, you need to be his entire world, even after you split up. Out in the real world, marriage can be a temporary thing (otherwise divorce wouldn't be a thing) and having kids is certainly not a lifelong bond. Moreso, being the mother of his kids is pretty meaningless unless there is also a committed relationship between the parents. And women cannot handle those facts, because they conflict with deeply held entitlements.

My opinion is that once you make a choice to bring a child into the world, you need to be able to get over yourself. I don't care what happens.

A BM being crazy, immature, and selfish in co-parenting is simply unacceptable, because she IS placing her ego before her kids.

A BM can feel however she wants to feel but her actions are always a choice. And that is why I really don't care about a crazy BM's pain, because they are placing it before their children, and that is about as selfish as it gets.

BM was NOT normal before the divorce, in fact, DH knows he never should have had a child with her nor married her.

She was very pissed that DH would not go back to her (even though she didn't really want him), as she thought that he always would (like a boomerang), so she amped up her crazy. But she WAS fucked up to begin with, so I have no empathy for her.

The BM in my situation was never normal. DH tells stories (and oldest step daughter was old enough before the divorce to remember) BMs rage attacks. She would scream and throw things. DH would scoop all thrre kids up and put them in the car and leave to get supper because she was home all day with them and hadn't fed them or he would take them all into the only room in the house and lock the door while she beat the door from the outside. He would sleep on the floor and all three kids would share the bed. She had jobs but couldn't keep them. One she was fired from was a dentist office because she wouldn't stop swearing, "like a sailor" they said.
She left him for another married man (who ended up not leaving his wife for BM).
DH found me and Married guy dumped BM in a very public way.... but by then it was obvious DH was not going to let BM come back so even though BM left DH. And DH dated two women between BM and me.... BM blames me for ruining their marriage because when she was ready to go back to DH he was with me.... Makes sense right?

My SO ex was crazy from the beginning even going so far as to request that he not hold his child just after he was born but said her mother could be the first to hold him