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H rationalizes why he is allowed to call my kid names

Ljcapp1's picture

Submitted by Ljcapp1 on Fri, 10/02/2015 - 4:33pm

He called my son a piece of shit last night to me and I've had all I will take from him.
I told him I NEVER called his kids names not once and that is not how you should communicate with a parent.

According to him: He has every right to call my kids' a piece of shit because they treat him terribly (my oldest son17 hasn't lived with us for 2 years and I haven't seen him in over a year.) AND according to him: The reason I have never called his kids names is because they were always 'wonderful' children who didn't do anything mean to me.
A couple weekends ago H squared up with my 14 y.o son and bruised his chest. He claimed my son was stealing $2.00 out of my purse and that was his excuse to put his hands on my kid.

I have an obligation to SD24 this coming week and once that's over I'm filing for divorce. My son told me last night he is miserable and he feels like H intentionally pushes him to go live with his biodad. I agree...he doesn't want my son around and anytime the kid tries to talk to me or express his opinion about anything (like a current event) H will jump in and needle him or nit pick what he says, or tell him what he thinks is wrong, or correct his grammar. Because if our opinions don't align perfectly with his we are 'stupid' or wrong. I can't take any more and I can clearly see that I am causing my son stress by staying with this asshole.

I need to make a list of all the things I want to keep and split and the thought is fucking overwhelming. I can't stand the thought of sharing a living space with this fucker for any amount of time.

Comments

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Fri, 10/02/2015 - 4:53pm

so sorry. stay logical, that'll help u get through it.

what an ass. do u have some place you can start stashing away important stuff?

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

Submitted by NoWireCoatHanga... on Fri, 10/02/2015 - 5:06pm

Good for yoU!!!!!!!!!! stay strong. You are in the right and I would do the exact same if I were in your position.

MommyMayI's picture

Submitted by MommyMayI on Fri, 10/02/2015 - 5:31pm

Have you tried family therapy? Divorce can cause so much headache and heartache. Maybe there is hope H can see the light.

Ljcapp1's picture

Submitted by Ljcapp1 on Fri, 10/02/2015 - 5:57pm

Mommy - we went once. The counselor gave him some advice/ his opinion about sd18 that he didn't want to hear so we never went back.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Fri, 10/02/2015 - 5:38pm

Start planning now. I always give the same advice: Interview the three best divorce attorneys in town. The first consultation is often free. Pick one and go in for a discussion before you start any proceedings.

It sounds like your DH might no handle the idea of divorce well. Having a plan in place before hand will make things easier. The lawyer should be able to guide you.

Find a place to secure important papers. (work, a friend or family member, trunk of your car if he doesn't have a key.)

Since he became physical with your son are you worried he would do the same with you? If so, contact a women's shelter for advice on how to safely leave.

I think you are doing the right thing. No way I would stay with someone who was abusing my kid - either verbally or physically. Stay strong.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Sat, 10/03/2015 - 1:07pm

Stealing is bad....but if my son ever did that and hubby put his hands on him, to the point of bruising him....there would be hell to pay.

Violence is never an acceptable way to parent. Period.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Sat, 10/03/2015 - 3:47pm

Take a look at her older blogs. This guy is the pits. He has been doing little crap to her son for a while now. More than likely he has been trying to bait the kid into pushing back so that he has an excuse for getting physical with him.

Based on the way he has treated her son's and the awful things he has said to her,I can't blame her for walking away.

I'm with you 100% on the double standards.

Indigo's picture

Submitted by Indigo on Sat, 10/03/2015 - 3:45pm

Two bucks. Most of us allow our kids to scoop change from the couch cushions and the cars or to pick it up in grocery store parking lots. Stealing is stealing; however, this doesn't flip my abnormal meter. This is a StepDad. Not my kid. Not my problem.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Sat, 10/03/2015 - 3:18pm

OP used the word "claimed" - has it actually been established the kid was stealing the 2 dollars? Did he have his Mom's ok? She also made it sound like DH was the physical aggressor in the situation. I think more details are needed to make a judgment on the situation.