I'm back and intro to some of the new STalkers

Some of you might remember me. I had the out of control tween SD ( gee that narrows it down), the BM threatening to dump her and run (at MY house mind you, SO moved in with me) then I got pregnant right in the middle of the big drama, lost the baby and was told well at least you have SD ( some concilation prize!), got septicemia from the d&c and nearly died.

Wow 6 mths of my life in a nutshell.

Anyway I basically crawled under a rock for 4 1/2 months- no contact with SD, minimal contact with friends and family, deleted all my posts here just hid away and took time out from the world. Kept up with my daily read of step talk though.

So I'm back and ready to update:

SD now 13 behavior escalated, running away, roaming streets till 10-11pm, jigging school, drinking alcohol, stealing, police involvement, self harming and assaulting her mum.
BM more and more disengaged.
SO offered to take custody even just temporary, pay for private school, boarding school - whatever it took. BM not interested in anything that's cost her any money or loss of cs.

BM now enrolled SD in a residential facility for teens with severe behavioral issues- basically kiddy jail.

SO and I are pretty much done now- the writings on the wall for our relationship. I know I need to walk away ( he's done some terrible things in the last couple of months) but I'm struggling to take the final step- still feeling a bit emotionally vulnerable after recent events. I'm seeing a psychologist to help me get my resilience and self confidence back. We are going on a holiday in 2 weeks that was planned before things went into the crapper, maybe it might save us but I don't think so , we shall see.
I don't know how you guys do it, year after year. Combination of a take no crap attitude and a supportive DH?
ATM I have neither. So I'm going to focus on myself and not give a rats ass about step hell for a while

LadyJ's blog
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I am really sorry to hear

I am really sorry to hear about what you've gone through the last 6 months.

The most important thing right now is to take care of YOU, so even if you can't leave yet, you can still focus on yourself and live your life by your rules.

Not quite there yet. Part of

Not quite there yet. Part of me still thinks or hopes its salvageable. I still catch myself saying or thinking 'after we get married...' Or 'after ten years lets do..."

I see the same problem with so many women on this site.

When we're walking the line of "what is" and "what might be"- it's hard to give up hoping for the dream and accept the reality.

Yeah , he desperately wants

Yeah , he desperately wants to stay together and we've done couples counseling. Now I'm just seeing the psych on my own- by my choice.
It all went south when I caught him sexting some skank on the other side of the country. Apparently it started a week or so after I got out of hospital. He's sorry, explained why he did it and is genuinely remorseful. People can recover from infidelity ( in whatever form it takes) but I Just do t know If I can forgive. Plus the resentment has made me dredge up every sorry ass incident I've had to deal with re BM and SD and throw it back in his face. I'm being an asshole about it, I acknowledge that and at some point I need to either leave or forgive but I'm frozen with indecision. I'm scared.

I think I remember you. Hugs,

I think I remember you. Hugs, you have been through a difficult time months long.

Go into your trip with an

Go into your trip with an open mind, see if he's feeling it or if he's shutting you down. Once you get the green light or red light you can decide what next. If he's distant and not really into it then make yourself sparse and act like your there single. Have fun and enjoy it. You've had a rough couple of months so y'all can either celebrate as spouse or celebrate as old friends.

Welcome back and sorry to

Welcome back and sorry to hear about your struggles...

To be totally honest your SD

To be totally honest your SD is almost certainly a lost cause. She has some SEVERE mental health issues which are probably not fixable. I know parents who have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on treatment programs (the best in the country) to no avail.

That doesn't mean your DH shouldn't keep trying with a child that age. But you need to be prepared to at some point declare that SD's issues are no longer to impact your life.

Three years ago I had sepsis and spent more than a week in ICU on a vent not expected to live. So I totally understand what you went thru with your illness.

Good luck.

I agree . I've told SO that

I agree . I've told SO that "I'm out" - I'm disengaged. There but not there when it comes to BM, SD and the meddling MIL too.

Though I'm such an opinionated piece of work I'm sure I won't be able to help myself at some point .

Sorry to hear you had sepsis too- pretty scary huh? To go from perfectly normal to near death in hours with no understanding of why. I was awake and aware the whole time and feeling each organ slowly starting to shut down one by one was terrifying.

How long did it take you to recover fully ? I'm functioning but still feel not strong, still fatigued and my memory is not fully back yet

I hope things get better for

I hope things get better for you. You do what whatever you need to do, to take care of you. It doesn't matter if anyone understands or approves, your life needs only your own blessing, you are not here to convince anyone else what your life should look like. Hugs