My Ex has absolutely zero money sense
Just got off the phone with DS16 who, in the course of conversation, mentioned "dad said we can't get groceries this week because we don't have money." It's the 5th of the month. He has already cashed my not insubstantial CS check for the month.
Ex is getting married in a couple of weeks, big church wedding that he is footing most of the bill for. Just bought a house. Has a car payment. Is always talking about his maxed out credit cards. Lives so far beyond his means it's ridiculous. Which is fine--run yourself into bankruptcy if you want to, but my kid better not be going hungry.
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I have no doubt he would be
I have no doubt he would be better off living with me. However he is happy living where he is (6 hours from me), is doing great in school, has a girlfriend, is in 2 varsity sports. He knows that he is more than welcome to come live with me--I have made that very clear to him and my ex.
I am sending him a Walmart ecard so he can go get himself some food.
Correction dear son .. "Dad
Correction dear son .. "Dad said HE can't get groceries this week because HE doesn't have money."
When does the lack of money become a family situation to worry about? Surely this is an adult problem to deal with and not involve the children. Many times my kids had 'Eggy Volcanoes" (mashed potato, poached egg, cheese and ketchup) without knowing that our cupboards were pretty much bare.
When they're 16 it is
When they're 16 it is probably a little harder to hide.
My son loves to cook, so I'm
My son loves to cook, so I'm pretty sure he's up on what food they have/don't have. It's the first time he's ever told me they were unable to get groceries.
It won't continue! I am not
It won't continue! I am not even letting ex know that I am sending money to DS for food. If I hear this story again, I will contact ex directly to find out what is really going on. I won't let my child go hungry no matter what I have to do.
Could ex just be saying that
Could ex just be saying that to not buy "extras"? I have weeks where the house is stocked with basics but we dont do extra shopping to try to use what's in the house. I could picture a parent saying that to avoid a long discussion on the subject. "No, we cant do that, (movies, shopping etc), we dont have the money this week,"
Stop a minute. Are you sure
Stop a minute. Are you sure what he is saying is the truth? It isn't a case of there is nothing DS wants to eat. You are hearing one side of the story. Also how many BMs are blasted here for sending over food their kids like when SM has something else planned?
And I stand by my original post... adults do not use the term 'we' when referring to something the child has no control over. Your son was not responsible for shopping for food so therefor cannot be included in the 'we' statement. It is not your son's responsibility to provide food. It is his fathers.
I don't know why DS would lie
I don't know why DS would lie about it. He hasn't previously told me anything like this, so I'm inclined to believe him. He is a very conservative spender himself, and didn't ask me to do anything about the food. I do realize I am only hearing one side of the conversation. I have absolutely no desire to engage my ex in a conversation about this currently, however if this happens again, I will ask him for info.
Food is one of the things we have never had an issue with, at least that I have been made aware of. I certainly am not sending food over as a meal sabatoge plan (DS will eat just about anything--he isn't picky at all), although I have sent him back to his dad with tins of cookies we have made together, or with the rest of a box of cereal that won't get eaten by anyone else in my household.
As far as use of the word "we" goes, I'm not sure if the ex used the word or if that was DS's phrasing. Doesn't really matter to me either way...I agree it isn't my son's responsibility to provide food for the family.
my ss use to tell his nanna
my ss use to tell his nanna this when he lived with his mom so that she would run over and take him to mcdonalds and give him money. kids absolutely know how to manipulate, I don't care how good they are. if he's REALLY hungry, he'll want to come to your house.
Perhaps the CS should go
Perhaps the CS should go directly to the kid since dad is obviously not spending it on him. This is one of the worst things about mandated CS, there is ZERO ZIP NADDA oversight on how the $$$ is spent. Dad could be boozing it away and you'd still have to pay. Sucks.
So the kid needs to remind
So the kid needs to remind dad that he's there, needs to be fed then go shopping for himself? It's ok that dad is likely spending cs money on HIS wedding and not feeding the kid. WTH! I believe OP said it's the 5th and the $$$ is all gone, where's the $100 coming from? I don't care whether the recipient is male or female, if the cs is court ordered then there should be receipts showing how it's spent caring for the CHILD. We had a ridiculous child support/custody system compared to other countries.