Stand firm. Because let's be honest here, if you don't they will get away with whatever it is they want to.

I clearly told my other half Friday night, I am sick to death of being portrayed as the wicked SM and very soon I will turn in to exactly that if I'm not respected and left alone in peace. It goes for a lot of us to be very frank.

If nothing else, you want to stand firm on absolutely no uninvited visitors. Scheduled in advance visits only. That's a must. If visits from this SD is allowed she should be told not to bring along the banned skids.

If you decide no visits in the home, you will have to not fuss if DH occasionally makes arrangements to visit her/grandbabies outside the home. With or without you, whichever is better for you. If you, son and Dh can occasionally meet with her and her family for lunch or perhaps an afternoon in the park and you're comfortable with that, fine. If not, let dh do it without you.

You might consider inviting to a outside backyard cookout and see how it goes. You're under no obligation to host guest that don't behave and/or bad mouth you. Surely dh can understand that his daughter can't openly bash you online and then expect you to graciously host her in your home?

well, we have learned that when one feels "stabby" and sticks a bar patron in the hand with a knife, there are no reprecussions legally. so just bare that in mind.

Personally I think if you let OSD in the house, it will eventually replay itself the same way the situation with MSD played out. Why open yourself up to that? I do get what your saying - that he pays half the bills - but she was raised exactly the same way MSD was raised. Why your SS acts decent, I don't know, maybe he's a genetic abnomally.

Are you telling me there are 10 people in a 2 bdrm apartment? Three kids under 2, and SEVEN people 16+?

Before reading comments: Stand firm. If DH wants her over, he can supervise. That means - she and her DH/offspring are in his company at all times. He needs to be the host and provide meals/snacks (out of his budget) and clean up after them.

I might tell him directly, "Look, DH, I'm not comfortable with how OSD has behaved towards me in the past, so I can't play the hostess with the mostest. But as long as you're willing to put the work into having her and her family over as guests, that's fine with me since she hasn't done anything violent or illegal. I am telling you now, though, that if you find it too much work to make sure no one is wandering off and to do the shopping, food prep, cleaning, etc, that I am not going to be able to help you. So I totally understand if you feel more comfortable seeing them out of the house, where there's less just less work involved."

After reading comments: I would not even get into giving her one more chance with DH. If your line in the sand is violence/illegal behaviour, then let it stand. No need to discuss with DH. Sometimes these DH's think a conversation means there is wiggle room. (Like when the 'talk about it' and call it discipline? Not effective, so just don't discuss anymore.) If she comes over and she's HIS problem, that's fine. If she suddenly costs you time, money, energy - then DH isn't pulling his weight on that one.

IMHO, she can whisper under her breath until she's blue in the face, who cares? She wants to behave that way, out of your sight and out of your hearing, meh.

I think my own dh would have been like this if I had allowed him to continue unheeded and without turning into the ice bitch for him to finally realise I was serious.

Your osd has already blown her last chance surely? I get you are likely looking for any way to avoid further stress and upset for yourself by telling yourself...oh I will give her ONE last chance...however she was texting your dh about you and rather nastily may I add. These adults need to understand this is YOUR home, YOURS. Sure dh lives there and its his home too, but that possession, entitlement ends right there and doesnt extend to them. They are like my dhs ex, family, they say and do repugnant things towards me yet they feel they can come to my house and expect me to make way for them? Hell to the f@ck no! Why give your skids and dh yet more sense of entitlement? They get it from him you know and hes making it worse by excusing it.

You need to start not giving a flying rats arse about dh and his kids. Sit dh down and tell him really calmly, neutrally and pleasantly (act) that given the shambles of dh ignoring your wishes and creating a dynamic whereby it gave his adult dd the opportunity to verbally and physically attack you in your home, thankfully just narrowly missing hurting you and her baby, that you want to make it crystal clear that none of his kids are welcome outside or in. Osd involved herself by being verbally abusive about you and you want no part of them and their dysfunctional drama. Tell him if ypu see, hear her near your home or when youhave been absent the police will be called, if you find out he has invited her or is failing to respect this then his bags will be packed and he can also leave. MEAN IT! When he rages about this, tells you you are being unreasonable or whatever his excuses and argument against this brings, then tell him calmly "I dont care how you think I am being or what you think, as clearly you dont give a damn how I feel or think, so from now on I am taking a leaf out of your book. I dont care what your view of me or this is, Idont care what you say about me as you say nasty things to me when your child is vile to me and could have killed me and when I have made an effort. So I might as well be that awful, unreasonable person you are always accusing me of being".

Then ignore his accusations or attempts to talk about it. No need as decision has been made. Honey this man is treating you as ifyou have done awful things, not made any concessions on his behalf, so why dont you DO the crime you are being accused of? As currently dh is ALREADY treating you poorly and ignorantly, so why worry about how hes going to react about what you want to say? Hes already reacting and punishing you!

Zero ~ F that hiding in your room.

It's your house , your home , your safe place not hers. She has given up her safe haven to find hers in others.

Keep the calm in your home ~ no need for evil to step foot in your domain. He can interact w her somewhere else. I think that having her in your home now would shift everything n send a weakened message.

He needs to calm the storm with her in neutral ground not your home.

But with saying that ..... I wonder ... My SD will NEVER be allowed permitted or accepted into MY home ~ although SO & I share this home together. It is my children's sanctuary n I will not allow her behavior to control what happens in my home. I have given her more than enough chances to behavior n she doesn't get its MY home not hers. She thinks she can run my agenda ~ not happening Veruca. My house my rules.

Do I think anything gets through to her ~ NO. She gets her Dad , I get peace n she gets her meals paid for when she's hungry n bored. Cause Daddy will never say NO to her. My issue with this is ~ all they are doing is giving them what they want n they are never held accountable ever ~ BUT you & I are held accountable for our feelings of anger n hurt but ~ why is it hypocritical ??? Why does his DD's feelings matter more than ours ??? Why can't he recognize the hurt ??? How pathetic is the morsels she gives you ~ you lap them up like a starving puppy dog. Her behavior is wrong but it's acceptable ~ my behavior isn't wrong but I m being unreasonable ~ someone explain this to me.