My husband's ex is a sucky mother and he's not the greatest dad in the world either
My stepdaughter told us last night that she needs to see the dentist for her braces. I used to arrange all her appointments and take her on our weeks. Since I disengaged she has missed 4 appointments.
This is where disengagement gets hard. I know I can't care more then her parents but why should she suffer? It really pisses me off. My husband told her "your mom said she'd take you" and then his daughter said 'she forgot' and "she called but they put her on hold too long". Yea I remember being on hold for 20 minutes too. The difference is that I stayed on hold and made the damn appointment and then took her too it!
I'm just pissed at everyone right now. I'm pissed at my husband for not taking care of this and I'm pissed at his ex for flaking for the 1000 time. Honestly I'm mad at my stepdaughter too because she doesn't even realize that I'm the only one who used to take care of this stuff for her. Instead I get nasty looks for making a pretty innocent comment (see my earlier blog).
I'm just having a terrible day.
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Comments
I'm a little confused on how
I'm a little confused on how they can communicate so much and yet suck at parenting so bad. What in the hell do they talk/text about so much, then? I thought is was about the kid, appointments, etc.
One would think. Its mostly
One would think. Its mostly his ex telling him what to feed her, when to put her to bed, which friends she can see, how much she should exercise etc. Apparently dental care isn't part of her MO.
TOTALLY understand. Stay
TOTALLY understand. Stay disengaged, though. It's for your own good, I promise. Hugs.
thanks for the hugs. I do
thanks for the hugs. I do believe its for my own good but what about this poor kiddo? She deserves to be taken care of and I used to do all this stuff for her. But now she hates me. Its terrible.
She will not stop hating you
She will not stop hating you because you start getting involved. She hates you now because you WERE involved before, right? Mine are the same. You're an easy target. My skids Sd18 and SS16 have life exceedingly more difficult now that I am out of their lives. Their choice. My BS15? Doing amazingly well (not just by my standards - he is becoming an excellent member of society) because of my guidance - which he ACCEPTED from me, sought out, even. (There are other factors in his success of course, but my point is I care therefore I can make a difference.)
A skid who's not interested in what you have to say isn't worth your time. And your heart will only be broken if you care more than her parents. I haven't heard from a SM yet who said that went well for them.
I think that SD hates the
I think that SD hates the fact that 4ever took better care of her than either of her bio parents. She is resentful and projecting that onto the easiest target, the SM.
Seems like you're continuing
Seems like you're continuing down the path of disengagement to the phase where we let go of illusions and see our SO as they really are.
All you can do is direct the kid back to her parents. Maybe talk with her about the importance of reminding her parents of appointments, personal responsibility, blah blah.
Stuff like this comes up in the early stages of disengagement. My own DH was angry at first and then passive aggressively resisted doing anything. He thought he would wait me out, hoping that I would become frustrated and go back to the way things were before.
Stay strong. Accept that these shitty parents may never improve. If they do, it will be because they no longer have you doing their job for them.
Sparkle is right... It IS a
Sparkle is right... It IS a shame for the kid, but it is just not your shame - or your problem... Keep doing what you're doing
You can do it, it's hard. I'm
You can do it, it's hard. I'm walking this road with you. I keep chanting a little mantra to myself to remind me I cannot engage, I put my daughters at risk if I do. I help my SO when I am asked directly for help, otherwise I stay out of it.
We can do this! Even if you have to post each day about having made it through one more day of "disengaging".