Therapist advice
Since I left my bios father, he has tried to PAS them. Doesn't really work as he has no legal custody, no summer schedule, no interest in them. Doesn't even contact the schools even though I have provided both bios schools with notorized letters that all information regarding the children may be released to dad, he just can not make decisions regarding them.
He tells them your mom is a lazy bitch, I wish you had a better mom. Actually I've heard it all, he said the same things to his oldest. A lot of the stuff has been said to them in front of me, or even during phone calls ( I have a CO that gives me the right to monitor and record calls as I was able to prove 95% of this, judge got BF so mad he actually admitted most of it)
After speaking with kids therapists ( both are in counseling but different ones, different issues different kids, they didn't bound with the same therapist)
I was given advice by both that I found works pretty well. Now I am the CP, dad doesn't have much time a month. But I don't bash, I state facts.
Kid... Mom dad said you won't let him go to my school so he can't come to open house
Me.. Well, let me show you something. We get in car, go to the school. I ask to see the papers I gave giving dad permission. I show kid. Show them email I sent dad when I gave the school the paperwork. Then ask kid. So do you think dad can come?
Kid.. Yeh. But why did he lie mom?
Me... I don't know kid. I'm sure it is hard for you to understand. This would be a great thing to talk to therapist about.
Hug, move on.
Thing is, I've never gone longer then 1 week without my kids. I had them in counseling before I left dad and I left with a restraining order. But I have never talked trash. I correct lies with facts. My opinion never gets put in there.
I don't understand how so many parents just lets the kids believe the lies for so long. Both therapists have told me, if they only hear one side, that is their version of truth. It is all they have. Why do parents or anyone think letting these little people live with the lies as truth is ever a good idea?
- Biomomof2's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I think the bond with the
I think the bond with the child at the time PAS starts is important. For me, BF was military gone a lot and when home not that interested. Our DD was 7 when I left him. He had been gone a total of 3 years of her life. The other 4 yrs he just wasn't interested. Wasn't there for first day of school by choice. Never attended speech therapy by choice. Never helped her learn to read by choice. Never has been to the dentist by choice. Same dentist since 2007. He has no clue where it is. By choice. We were still married when I started taking them there. So by the therapists words I was there only parent at the time of divorce. They didn't see him much even when we were married because he chose to hang out with friends over family. He spends more time with them now on a 6 days a month visitation then when he lived with them. So when I left with a restraining order against him, the kids had little attachment to him and saw him attack me. To this day, they have very little of a bond with him. And that is by his choice. I've gone as far a set up counseling appointments for just him and the kids to help him build a relationship with them. He didn't show even though he picked the time. My children have been taught logical thinking by me since birth. They see his lack of interest. His relationship with them is the one he has built.
My SD24 did not let it be
My SD24 did not let it be known what lies BM was feeding her until she was 15 and she created a big scene. I guess we should have known what BM was telling her and DH should have talked to her way before then.
SD just let it fester and it poisoned her against her dad. Even now that she knows the truth, things have never been the same between them.
My skids have never come out
My skids have never come out and said any lies that BM has told. We have figured out things just from the stuff that the skids let slip and me overhearing a couple of conversations between SD and BM.