Dear Abby and In-law Disengagement.... Or rather, your husband needs to grow a pair.

Found this gem today on Dear Abby. Many of us have dealt with in-law issues and have consequently disengaged. I like how she basically tells this wife that her husband needs to "man-up" and have her back. But I disagree with her telling the woman that "avoiding her in-laws isn't the answer." Sometimes you have to disengage for your own mental health.

DEAR ABBY: After 15 years of trying to establish a relationship with my in-laws, I recently decided to sever my contact with them. They have been deceptive and talk about me to my husband in whispers behind my back. I understand his loyalty to his family, but I strongly feel that continuing to deny that their behavior is unhealthy is unhealthy for me. Being forced to see them makes me physically ill.
How can I help my husband see that he can have a relationship with his parents without my participation? -- I'M DONE, IN ARIZONA

DEAR DONE: Avoiding your in-laws isn't the answer. If your husband hasn't stood up to his parents and sided with you before now, your marriage is in trouble. Find a licensed marriage counselor who can "help" him realize that what his parents have been doing is undercutting his wife and sabotaging his marriage. Then cross your fingers that he's strong enough to do something to correct it.

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I would have been avoiding

I would have been avoiding them way before 15 years.

i pretty much agree with her

i pretty much agree with her response. you need to see HIS behavior addressing the situation. this was my dh, he totally has my back. she crossed a line and dh basically said "fuck that." they are very distant with eachother now.

you cannot control another person, but he can control what he chooses to do about it.

IMHO, she did not necessarily

IMHO, she did not necessarily mean that you cannot/should not disengage from the Outlaws. Rather that disengaging doesn't resolve the actual issue - the DH not telling his parents that disrespecting his wife is unacceptable. They are entitled to their opinion, but the behavior is facking RUDE and to knock it off or the minute they disrespect the wife, he's out the door until they learn how to behave.