Okay, I know this isn't a new topic but I'm really unsure how to handle Father's Day this year. Skids have been zoned out for quite some time now. When DH and I first got together BM was helping skids with holidays, birthdays, etc. Of course, back then DH did everything she said so she was willing to do this. It didn't last long. She started helping them pick out horrible cards/gifts and yes, there is no doubt that she knew the cards/gifts were horrible. DH sent her an email and told her she did not need to do it anymore. This was probably 5 years ago now. I helped skids for a couple years but then BM ramped up the PAS and we are where we are now. Skids don't talk to DH or I. They come EOWE and stay in their rooms the entire time. They refuse to do almost everything DH tries to do with them. DH continues to engage them and does make them do activities but they act like they are being tortured spending time with him. He took them to the movies last weekend to see Jurassic World and DH said it was horrible-lots of complaining, etc. I am disengaged but last year I decided to ask them about Father's Day and took them to get cards. It wasn't anything great but I felt really bad that if I didn't they wouldn't even acknowledge that it was Father's Day. And I know they knew it was because last year DH had to swap weekends to get Father's Day since it wasn't in his CO and BM wouldn't let him have it any other way.

Now we are at this year and once again skids will not do anything if I don't do something. SS is 15 and SD is 12. I feel they are old enough to do something on their own or at least ask me or my BSstb17 for help. SS and BS are friendly so I had BS ask SS if they had done anything or were planning anything for the weekend. I asked BS to ask in a way that wasn't outright obvious, more along the lines of just general plans for the weekend. SS replied he didn't have any plans for the weekend. BS told SS his plans with his BD. BS told me that SS's answer indicated he did know it was Father's Day.

I know that DH is going to be extremely disappointed if the weekend goes by with no mention of Father's Day from skids. Part of me feels that this is just a part of the situation that he is going to have to endure. Part of me doesn't want to see him hurt.

For those that are disengaged, do you make an exception and help in these kinds of situations? Do you just let things fall as they are and let the DHs see how their kids are? Do you do something non skid specific like just taking everyone out to dinner?

I'm trying to decide if I should do anything or just let it be.