HELP! Please save me!
So I posted previously about DH mentioning SD22 wanting to come along when we scatter MIL's ashes.
Back story: SD22 and I do NOT get along, she has treated me like crap for years, refuses to acknowledge my existence or all I have done for her, badmouths me in front of our two BDs.
SD22 is the ONLY grandchild who did not come to MIL's funeral. No good reason, just didn't come. Has a car (paid for in part by DH and I), it was a 4.5 hour drive for her, grandkids from two states away (18-hour drive) made the trip.
MIL wants her ashes scattered at this place 18 hours away. DH agreed to take FIL, and myself and our two BDs will be joining them.
It comes out that FIL invited SD22 (no idea if he actually invited her or she invited herself and he couldn't say no). So now DH is approaching me about it.
There is NO way SD22 and I could be together in one vehicle for 18 hours. It can NOT happen. DH knows that, but instead of flat telling SD22 she can't come, he is "Trying to discourage her from coming." Uh huh.
I told DH that if FIL is driving separately, he is welcome to take SD22 in his vehicle. But he is not, he is riding with us. We have a five-passenger vehicle, taking SD22 along would mean renting a larger vehicle, not to mention she will ASSUME we pay for all her expenses. I'm just not having it.
I'm tempted to tell DH that if SD22 wants to drive separately and be responsible for her own expenses, she is welcome to come. After all, she could take a week-long vacation to California recently with her boyfriend.
Help me out folks. I just can NOT do this, and there is no way I'm going to bow out and let SD22 take my place.
- Elizabeth's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Was SD even close to MIL or
Was SD even close to MIL or is this just an excuse for SD to get pampered and doted on by your DH?
No, not close. SD22 had
No, not close. SD22 had actually seen MIL in person for a total of maybe 5 hours over the past 5 years? And, if you are "close" to someone, you come to their funeral!
See, DH was feeling me out
See, DH was feeling me out about renting a van a couple of weeks ago and I didn't know why. I think he was planning a way I couldn't say no about SD22 coming along.
If you feel 100% that SD's
If you feel 100% that SD's intentions aren't to mourn Granny or aren't to say her goodbyes, then I would push for her to not go. Because she is an adult and you guys would have to get a bigger vehicle, etc.
Good points. That is my
Good points. That is my instinct, to say she can get herself there if she wants to come and pay her own way. DH will think I'm being "mean" though ... sigh.
How fair would it be for my
How fair would it be for my two BDs, who were MUCH closer to MIL than SD22, to have to stay home just because SD22 MUST come along? The fact that FIL invited SD22 is my sticking point for sure.
I respect your opinion. I
I respect your opinion. I respect all opinions. I do not have an issue with everything SD does or doesn't do however. I told DH that if SD is willing to admit what she did wrong and apologize to me, I will let bygones be bygones. I have now been waiting seven years for that to happen. :?
Fact of THIS particular situation is, we have a five-passenger vehicle and five people are going. Where am I supposed to accommodate SD22? FIL invited her to come, I'm sure he didn't say, "We will drive you." He just didn't think about it. Hence, if SD22 wants to come, she is free to get herself there.
I have a feeling the grandad
I have a feeling the grandad might not have invited sd at all. It might be something your dh made up. Tell him you will phone fil and ask him if he forgot your car is already full. See how your dh reacts.
Why would you have to spend more money on renting a car to please another adult who has her own car anyway.
Or just say to your dh he told you himself he knew it wasnt a good idea to take sd.