Uugghhh…I just need to get this out real quick...
I have no relationship with my MIL, SILs or any of DH's family.
It has been 4 years since the last contact. However, because I really try to be a good person, I told DH that he should try and forge a relationship with his mom because well, the hag is OLD and when she croaks I don't want any blowback on my marriage.
You know how that goes, somebody dies and all of a sudden it's YOUR fault that they weren't speaking in the first place.
So I told him that he should make peace with her but that I will stay as I am. No contact, no relationship.
Tuesday, he says "Hey babe, so do you want to send my mom some flowers for her birthday?"
I reply "No, but if YOU would like to send your mom flowers I'll order them for you."
DH: "That's what I mean."
ME: "Than say, babe, can you please send my mom some flowers for her bday? Instead of asking if I want to send them because I don't wanna do anything for that lady. She has treated me like shit for the last 15 years and I have no interest in sending her anything, much less flowers."
DH: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for YOU to send her flowers."
Fine, flowers ordered. Card simply says Happy Birthday & DH's name.
No DH & Family, DH & UFR, DH & Kids, just plain ole DH.
Yesterday he tells me he spoke to his mother. I say "Oh yeah?" He says "Yeah she brought me she stuff from DR."
I reply "Really?"
DH: "Why do you say really like that?"
ME: "Well your mother came back from DR 3 weeks ago. She JUST told you she brought you something? Was she waiting for it to rot before she told you?"
DH: "LOL, no I guess she was just waiting for me to call her."
ME: "Of course she was."
Today, I call DH and he's at MILs house. So when he told me that, I let out a grunt, (BY MISTAKE) and said "Call me later" and hung up. I don't know why I am so bothered by it. I am guessing I just feel like it's a betrayal that DH is on speaking terms with his mother after the way she has treated me and our marriage, and I KNOW I was the one that told him to repair it, but a part of me was hoping that he wouldn't. I know, it's silly of me.
BM, SD14, SIL, MIL were all out together on MILs birthday. BM is and will ALWAYS be a part of DH's family whereas I have been shoved to the side as if I don't exist. It is hurtful and even though I want NOTHING to do with any of them EVER, I still feel hurt. Weird right? Ok, vent over.
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No, he won't tell her that. I
No, he won't tell her that. I honestly don't care either. I despise her. She is the most awful woman I have ever encountered.
This was the main reason for
This was the main reason for the falling out between us. SIL, which is the Matriarch Bitch of the Family, made it her mission to include BM in EVERY family event and exclude DH and myself.
SIL would post pics on FB & tag everyone in the hopes that DH and I would see them, so we could feel like shit that we weren't invited to whatever family event it was.
Graduations, birthdays, weddings, baby showers, we were excluded from every single one, while BM was front and center.
MIL just followed her daughters lead.
I agree that when she croaks it will be a huge relief that he was in fact at least on speaking terms with her. The guilt would have broken him.
"I told DH that he should try
"I told DH that he should try and forge a relationship with his mom because well, the hag is OLD and when she croaks I don't want any blowback on my marriage."
How long ago did you have this conversation with your DH? Your feelings aren't weird but I would take it this way...DH was loyal until he got the "go ahead" and sincerely wants a relationship with his mom. I bet it won't be too long before he starts staying away again though!
ETA: DH "sincerely" wanting a relationship with his mom came out wrong. It sounds like he was standing by you through the disrespect but it is his mom and most people can't just shut that relationship down. IMHO it sounds like you & DH still need further work on this issue. He has to try to understand what your feelings are.
Of course he wants a
Of course he wants a relationship with his mom. She's his mom. You only have ONE mom. And he was her baby, so I was very surprised that she let ANYONE in the family treat him and I the way they did. I tend to think way ahead and knew for a FACT that the guilt DH would feel if his mom passed and he hadn't mended things with her, would eventually, fall within our walls.
His family is very toxic and
His family is very toxic and malicious. So while I don't think they would ever be able to poison him against me, I do feel that they will find a way to drag him into their spider web of deceit and drama and ugliness. I am also ITCHING to give his bitch ass sister a fucking beat down, I wish she would give me a reason.
I don't think I could of did
I don't think I could of did what you did. I would of worried about poking the bear. I understand trying to mend fences before someone dies though. It's tough either way. I hope it doesn't cause any future trouble for you.
Ha this is me for all the
Ha this is me for all the same reasons you said.
I get along with DH's family but I feel this way about the skids. Not so much now but prior. Like yeah have a relationship with them but then feel betrayed when he does.
I guess before and sometimes I have felt this way about his family. They have always been kind to me, but I guess because they are the skids family too I have had a hard time considering them "My family" or allowing them to be "my family". So when I see them posting on social media to the skids, I feel a little betrayal, which is stupid.
Seeing my SILs recently were actually really good and made me feel better in our relationship.
Hopefully his invovlement with his mother doesnt turn into something toxic for him personally and for your marriage.
Its a new change so there will be some adjustments for you guys if he continues to have a relationship with her. You guys will just have to navigate the changes together.
Good luck!
(((HUGS)))
You can't help what you feel.
You can't help what you feel. I have no relationship with the IL's for similar reasons. I want DH to have a relationship with them for the same reason. I still was irritated when he went and vacationed with them this summer with SS. My fun was that DH got food poisoning while he was there so he didn't have that much fun...Personally I think it was Karma for not calling your wife while you were there. Probably not, but I feel better.
Feel what you feel and vent here, just don't say much to him otherwise, you are the bitch keeping him from his family.
This is happening with my DH
This is happening with my DH and his/our niece. They were once very close, then she stabbed him in the back and they didn't really talk much for years. Now, suddenly, they are talking everyday (or several times a day), she brought him food for his birthday last month, and she was running him around yesterday (his car was in shop).
DH claims he still doesn't completely trust her but it's unnerving.
I understand. Your only
I understand. Your only human. You don't want to take the fall for his regrets over losing the relationship. At the same time it's painful to see someone that's supposed to love you breaking bread with people who actively dismiss and try to hurt you.